Mean girls!

[NorthernGobshite]

My dd (6) has a 'friend' who quite often decides not to be friends, or gets others not to be dd's friend either and has 'secret gangs' and passwords. It upsets my dd but she is quite stoical and just gets on with things most of the time but occasionally it gets to her.

I have talked to her about the meaning of friendship, she is able to ignore it sometimes and plays with lots of other friends and seems to be a popular girl, she knows what this girl/these girls are doing is not nice/is bullying, but any other advice on how to handle this/help her deal with this would be very gratefully recieved.

I have spoken to one of the girls Mum as we are on fairly friendly terms and she does talk to her dd about it not being nice, school are aware and keep an eye on it but says its normal (which I know it is, but its upsetting my child!).

i know just what youre going through my daughter had a " friend " from reception ( shes now year 7) and they were good little pals until about year 5 when this other child decided it was great fun to make my daughter feel really sad by leaving her out , sitting next to other kids on trips out etc ,i also asked the childs mum and school all to no avail !! this continued until my daughter made new friends at senior school recently , and now this childs mum is not too happy that my daughter has moved on !!! the cheek !!! i think i would with hindsight would try and get your child to make new friends sooner rather than later than put up with it for any longer , try and get her to take control and not let this unpleasent child make her feel sad , hope all works out well some little girls can be sooo nasty !!

I think you need to encourage your DD to play with girls that are nice to her all of the time and not when it suits. I think some girls get off on hurting others. If DD's "friend" starts being mean tell her to walk off and play with someone else. When she sees your DD enjoying herself and playing with others it will annoy her as she wants your DD to be the victim.

Encourage dd to move on - she'll feel so much better for it. I can imagine that other girls have already decided to keep their distance from this nasty piece of work.

Dds 'friend' is using something called relational aggression and it may be years before her other peers are capable of standing up to her. I'm guessing she's bright but actually very insecure and rather than celebrating the fact that she has a friend on her wavelength, she feels threatened. Presumably at some point in the past they have been closer and your dd may have taken a more passive role. Her parents would probably just laugh her behaviour off (in public) as she has learned her values from them and how to manipulate others to maintain status.

The school being 'aware' and saying it's 'normal' is a cop out - I guess they are trying to save face as well. This girl is the one with the problem and it will only get worse if the school take this stance (not necessarily for your daughter though if she moves on.)