At the end of my tether!

[teddygirl]

I'm really at the end of my tether and desperately need some advice. My daughter is ten years old and in her last year of primary school. For the past few years a girl in her class has been 'silently' bullying her. By that I mean spreading rumours in the class about her so nobody talks to her, turning the rest of the class against her and getting her into trouble.
This has escalated recently, tonight I picked my daughter up from school and she was in tears as this girl had got her mother to go into the school and complain about my daughter throwing her bags on the floor. I have tried to confront the girls mother but all I got was denials (even though the family have undergone counselling in the past for their daughters behaviour) and an abusive phone call from the girls father. I have also spoken to my daughters class teacher and the headmistress but they really don't want to know (their advice was to talk to the parents). I am seriously considering trying to move my daughter to another school, but have no idea how to go about this.
I am very concerned about my normally happy child. She is in the top stream in the class but her work has started to suffer, she is becoming very withdrawn and anxious, not wanting to go to school. I feel so guilty when I drop her off in the morning, I come home and just cry at what I know she has to go through every day. Nobody seems to want to know or help. Any advice at all will be greatly appreciated.

It's not acceptable for school to just say 'speak to the parents',
are school aware of the extent of this problem, have you been tellingthem about for a long time? rubbish response if so.

hope someone who knows somwthing helpful will be along soon.
must be crushing for you knowing your dd is upset

Hi, yes I have been in to school many times. The last time they got my daughter and the other girl together to speak to them both and it ended up with my daughter being told off!
I don't know if the school can't be bothered to act as my daughter doesn't have long until she leaves for senior school, but I know they have been quite lax about dealing with issues like this before.

The school cannot ignore this and the head is talking crap.

Ask to see the schools bullying policy and go through a plan of action with the school on how they are going to protect your daughter while she is at school. Go to the governors and the local authority if necessary.

Thank you so much tigana, just speaking to someone about this feels like a huge relief

scurryfunge thank you!
The schools plan of action seems to be on a 'self help' basis. The head said that the only thing she can do is to get my daughter and I together with the other girl and her mother to talk it through. I really don't want to go down this route after my previous experience.

Hello, I'm sure someone more knowledgable will be along soon but in the meantime...the school's response to your concerns is dreadful. They have a duty of care for your daughter & their anti-bullying policy should explicitly outline the school's procedure regarding a complaint of bullying. It is certainly not up to you to attempt to resolve this with the bully's (in denial) parents & it's bad that the school suggested this.

The behaviour sounds like nasty bullying to me & the school must take action. Hopefully a MN-er more experienced than me will be along soon with some practical advice. I wish you the best of luck in getting this situation resolved so that your dd is happy at school again.

The head teacher is being rubbish. I would suggest putting a complaint in writing and copying it to the governers.

Have you had a meeting with just the class teacher and asked for her view on the situation and what she can do to help?

Hi, I have just read this thread, I hope you have found some kind of resolution to this problem by now.
My DD is also in Y6, similar problem, though in her case it is more than one bully and strangely, when these girls are not being nasty, my DD considers them to be her friends. Just yesterday, there was another incident again, which made me talk to the school, but so far, my experience mirrors yours to some degree, they don't take it seriously enough to make it stop. One of my DD's "friends" also has a habit of telling her that another girl my DD has become friends with has said she hated her etc.(which the other girl denies). Really nasty.
I have now started keeping a "bullying diary", where I list all incidences, so that if I take this to the governors, I have got something in hand.
I feel for you, I know what it's like to come back in the morning after dropping them off and just want to cry.
Just letting you know you are not alone out there.

Remind the school that they have a duty of care, while your child is in their care their physical and psychological wellbeing is the schools responsobility.
If they try to hedge, inform them that their duty of care involves protection of all the rights defined by the UNCRC

If they can see that you're well informed and resolute, they should start taking action. The bullying diary is also an excellent idea.

Best of luck, bullying is an awful thing for children to go through and schools should take it far more seriously as a matter of course.