Breastfeeding an 18 month - more trouble than it's worth?

[Druzhok]

In short, it's getting on my t*ts. Madam is 18 months old and the twiddling is driving me mad. Her latest trick is grabbing a fistful of nipple and pulling/twisting it as far as she can. She also likes to sink her nails in the nipple, seemingly hoping to sever it altogether. Discreet feeding is becoming a thing of the past as she wants to play with the other breast whilst she feeds. The frequency has also increased (it's like having a 6 week old baby), so my previous belief that it would gradually decrease has been blown out of the water.

There are so many good things about it: we both love the closeness, I very much love being able to instantly pacify her and I believe that continued breastfeeding is A Good Thing.

But the downside is getting more and more significant. Your experiences and opinions, please. Dh thinks I should've stopped approximately 9 months ago, so he's not exactly unbiased. As well as the practical benefits, I am a little sentimental about it, as she is the last child I'll have. So it's bye-bye to everything ... I'm finding that part difficult to accept.

Does the abuse pass? Or is it time to stop?

dd now demands that i take my nightie off so that she can have unrestrained access to both breasts while feeding. Happy for her to choose her own position but its the suck then quick raspberry on tummy then suck while walking around me that i find a bit difficult. If i was a mummy bear i would just bat her away when she did this!. I am so ready to stop but think dd has other ideas

lol, love 'em. I fed both dss past 3 yo and (most of the time) loved it. However, I didn't realise first time around that I could lay down some rules/expectations I eventually discovered with ds2 that once they are speaking and understanding it's OK to negotiate. Milk/comfort nursing is fine, but you are allowed to say that something hurts! "Ow, mummy doesn't like that" followed by a hug and a return to feeding is find. "Ow, ow, ow" followed by being placed on a chair/the floor etc nearby also worked wonders, when ds2 decided to explore whether biting hurt! And he was never, ever, ever allowed to twiddle!!!! A dangly necklace placed in the hand helped a lot with that one.

Oh yes I hate the twiddling too

You can introduce nursing manners. The twiddling is because it stimulates letdown and is a useful mechanism in a smaller baby but in a toddler it's more habit/curiosity and can be annoying and/or painful. I am still bfing dd who's 3 and I put a stop to the twiddling that escalated at that age. And I chatted to lots of people on here that agreed that they fed a lot at that time. Assume it's attachment and development related. It does pass. DD feeds in bed and only every few days now and at 18 months it was almost constant, especially at night. I actively stopped the night feeds as she approached 2 as I'd had enough. I quite firmly stopped any twiddling as it started. DD was very verbal though so we could discuss and negotiate terms.

i stop the twiddling, but it soon starts again, ds has a memory like a goldfish!

I seriously though dd would never stop. I'd move her hands, she'd do it again immediately. If she stopped at all it was for one feed maybe and we were back to it. As we co-slept I'd wake up to her doing it. I had to be really, really consistent. It was stopped every time and if at all possible I wore a bra/nightclothes that meant she couldn't do it and it probably took a couple of months at least. But we cracked it.

Maybe a necklace is worth a try! I suppose I thought they were more for babies, but that might be just the ticket!

I am most heartened by your stories

Yes, DD gets very cross if I move her hands. She had a wee nursing strike last time I showed my irritation at biting, so I suppose I am a little more cautious than I need to be.

She fed like a bandit last night - it seemed like she was constantly on me. I am usually very tolerant of it, but ended up just (gently) shaking her off and rolling over because I was getting so irritated by it. I console myself by thinking this is how a primate would react

Really valuing the advice: thank you.

DS2, now 7, still loves to hold the necklace when he is tired or sad. The memories last. (In fact he still asks hopefully for milk when he is tired or sad too, but we're not going back there!)

PS - try not to be too tense when discouraging twiddling. Persist, firmly but calmly. It's less effective/takes longer if you sound stressed, I'm sure.

Interesting that you say bfing increases at 18 months, PlasticCenturion, as that was certainly our experience. At 16-17 months we'd cut feeds right down to a couple a day (and all bloody night!), then around 18 months it went completely haywire and it was like feeding a newborn again. DD is now 21 months and it seems to have settled down again (plus we've been gently encouraging night weaning). The twiddling seems to have stopped a bit as well. It can be frustrating but then every time she's ill I'm so grateful that we're still going.

Thanks for new messages.

I love the idea of the necklace becoming a permanent object of comfort. I may choose one with a little more care, with the hope this happens.

Last night: more banditry. Constant feeding.

Dita: I empathise with the gratitude whenever they're ill. As soon as DS stopped, he got an endless stream of illnesses and it was such a double whammy: constantly poorly AND no magic cure.

Not sure if this is helpful or not, but I have found my 14mth old has never tried (yet!) to twiddle..... possibly because she likes to 'twiddle' my rings while feeding instead. I have one on each hand, similar size, so she can get at one despite which side she's feeding from. I guess it works the same as a a necklace would. She's quite obsessed, almost more keen on them than the feed!! At least it keeps her calm and I'm hoping one day she'll find just as much comfort in a cuddle and a play with my rings without the feed

To my shame, my hands are usually holding a book ... but yes, this line of thinking is certainly one to pursue. I stopped wearing all jewellery because she was fiddling with it, but I appear to have sacrificed my nipples in the process

I have only tried a necklace once and it created the problem it was supposed to cure - my non-fiddling (back then) DD wouldn't leave it alone and nearly strangled me She does want to hold something now though so perhaps I'll try it again - I also like the idea of it holding happy memories (plus this gives me an excuse to buy a new one for each DC ).

I am usually holding a book too