how do you know when it's time to stop bf'ing?

[BellaBalloon]

I am feeling very confused. I have been very happily exclusively bfeeding my 5month old DS and before he was born always assumed that i would do so for 6 months, cos that's what everyone does, but now the thought of stopping makes me very

if you carry on beyond 6 months - those of you that have - do you feel like you're the only ones? (outside of this board) do you ever feel like maybe you're doing it more for you than for your baby? (i know recommendations are for a year but accusations are often that this is the main motivation ) And if you do both love it can it be given up without tears?

most people i know seem to love the idea of a bf baby up to 6 months but think it's a bit wrong and weird etc after that.

I would really appreciate hearing from anyone who might have had the same wobble around this mark and whether they stopped or carried on.

sorry for the 20 million questions all rolled into one...

Well for me the main reason that i continued feeding for a year is convenience.

I have never understood why people would BF for the first 6 months - the really tough bit, getting to grips with it all, feeding a lot during the night, through the growth spurts when you feel like it's never going to end

And the just when the baby starts taking solids, and learning to drink water from a cup, and the BF (usually) becomes much less, and the babies start sleeping better and the night stuff starts to tail off...

Why at that point do people switch over to the faff and expense of formula, just when it's got to the easy bit?

That's my take on it anyway (as someone who has BF 2 babies, first for 14 months and second still going at 11 months, but I don't love it, I don't hate it, it's just something that i do IYSWIM).

HTH

Also - as they start feeding less and get more efficient, it becomes much less likely that you will need to feed while out and about IYSWIM. So if your family really give you grief about it, they don't actually need to know IYSWIM.

Bottom line is, if you both love it, why stop? There's nothing weird about going past 6 months - like I say stopping at 6 months is the odd thing to do IMO (unless going back to work etc).

Sorry the they don't need to know bit - depends on the baby but mine have both taken to solids really easily and from 6 months have dropped to about 3 feeds in the day and maybe one in the night. Much more manageable than when you have a tiny baby who wants feeding all teh time. When you're out and about you can give them solids and a drink in a cup so it all gets much less pressurised (that when they're hungry they need mummy and mummy only thing),

I gave up BF DD when she was 3 months after a big struggle.

With DS, I didn't think beyond planning to feed for at least 6 months if I could.

6 months came and went, I did briefly consider changing to FF but I couldn't think of a good reason to stop breastfeeding -

Start sterilising?
Start buying formula at £8 a tub?
Start eating less cake?

It seemed a mad thing to do, so I just kept feeding. Have now found myself still BF an 18mo and still not sure how it happened

No need to plan ahead IMHO, just stop when you want to, it gets easier and easier as time goes on really.

Sorry to be boring, but I think that ImSoNotTelling has put exactly what I would say if I could have thought of all these points & and framed them so well.

For me it was more sensible to carry on than to pack it in.

I'm at 8 months and yes I do feel like the only one - all my NCT buddies stopped ages ago. I also have run into the 'it's just because the tree-huggy mother can't let go' attitude which really pisses me off

I'm having a tough time with it at the moment (he's biting and often reluctant to feed) but I really want to carry on, I'm just going to keep at it for as long as I can.

actually for me, bf really came into it's own after 6 months. it is just so normal now for us (ds is 13 months). i intend to stop when ds stops. so far we have no reason to stop. no problems, no funny looks, (some stupid comments from those less informed) but all in all bf is as normal to us as going for a pee. when he wants to he does.

I gave up at 10 months but cut down slowly from 7 months when he was getting more from other sources.

I liked BFing and it never occurred to me that there might be a time limit on how long I'd do it for (although I do feel that if they can stand up and reach it you might have fed for too long).

He never, not once, snuffled round me for BF after we finished, and so for that reason I feel that it was cessation by mutual aggreement. I wouldn't have liked to think that I was giving up just because THEY (whoever THEY are) thought I should. I don't know who they are?

Agree with moaning that the ability to eat more cake is a good motivating factor to continue

And that you like it!

I only set myself small goals with DS2, as I gave up early with DS1. So far we've managed 9 months and I'm hoping to get to a year at least, although there are days I could cheerfully pack it in Really I think previous posters have it right, why go to all the bother of establishing bfing only to start paying for formula at 6mths? Seems daft to me!

I'm the only one of my friends bfing atm, though I do know other mothers who do. I just look at it as my contribution towards normalising it and hopefully one day this will be the case.

Keep going if you think it's right for you both!

I'm interested in this too. I'd planned to give up at 3 months and now that we're there I can't imagine giving up so now I'm thinking 6 months but who knows how I'll feel when we get there. Realistically I'm going back to work in December and have to go away for 3 days in January so I am pretty sure that I'll use that as a cut off point if we're still going. He'll be 10 months and I know that I don't want to go over a year.

What ImSoNotTelling said

Plus moaningminnies bit about cake

No right or wrong answers but if you decide to continue can certainly help to seek out supportive others. My family have always been great (both me and DH were BF beyond a year), and I have some close friends who have BF long-term, but within my ante-natal group I have been somewhat the strange one and it has felt tricky sometimes. I made a decision to actively seek out other BF mums and have been along to la leche league coffee mornings/found a local BF group. I still see the ante-natal crowd but it feels a better balance now. Have had days recently when I've been fed up due to biting but quickly resolved.

Oh and have a look at the Baby Led Weaning ideas if you haven't already. No need to be a slave to them (IMO) but can go along well with BF.

Good luck

I fed DS1 till 18 months, then it just kind of petered out on its own, he stopped being interested and I stopped offering so it really was a mutual agreement type thing.

Never really did it for me or for him really was just the way I fed him when he was a baby and was so handy even when he got a bit older.

Am planning the same sort of arrangement with DS2, will see how we go - at least until a year though.

With DS I wanted to get to 6 months then carried on to the year mark as it seemed daft to stop then as others have pointed out. Then we just kind of carried on. He eventually stopped just before his second birthday when I was 4 months pg with DD. We stopped really gently, he was down to one feed a day, then started to miss some days, then I realised he hadn't fed for a week and that was it, no tears!

DD is 18 months and I'm still feeding her on demand, particularly today as she is a bit poorly. I'm sure she'll stop when she's ready.

To answer some of your other Qs - yes sometimes (esp first time) I felt like I was the only one. Round here bf seemed to stop somewhere between 3-6 months, if it started at all. Also 1st time round my mum (v supportive of bf in early days) started to make noises about me stopping at about 9 months, comments along the lines of 'DS, you're too big for that now...'. I just carried on regardless, and interestingly haven't heard a peep out of her this time.

You and your baby will work it out. There are lots of benefits to carrying on, but how/when you stop is up to you and your DS.

I always aimed for at least 6 months, but I couldn't see any reason to stop there so I just carried on. Some of my mum friends switched to ff, but most carried on bfing until around a year. I eventually stopped at about 13 months, because once I returned to work I was only doing one feed a day, and my supply dwindled.

I would definitely keep going, if thats what works for you. Don't worry about what other people think. Also, the more people carry on, the more it will be seen as normal.

I know what you mean about some people thinking it's weird to keep breastfeeding after 6 months (but it isn't weird, not at all!!) I started going to a breastfeeding support group when DS was about 14 months, not because I had any problems breastfeeding him but because I wanted to meet some other mums who were feeding toddlers. It did me a lot of good and stopped me feeling so defensive.

I had a real difficult time BF my first son and I gave up at 3 months and regretted it.
With my 2nd DS I wanted to make it to 6 months and ideally a year.
I did get some odd comments from friends and work did not seem to understand why I expressed when i returned to work when he was 8 months old but it has all been very worth it.
He started to take some cows milk from 12 months and we slowly weaned until i stopped feeding him 2 weeks ago but I'm that I achieved my goal and we had a very happy BF relationship and we stopped when we were BOTH ready.

Thanks very much for your answers. I will just go with the flow. it's funny quite how many preconceived ideas about mothering a baby go flying out the window once you actually have one yourself.

Good luck bella