I am So Fed Up...

[PacificDogwood]

...that I am seriously considering stopping BFing DS4 .

Never thought I'd say this.

He is almost 15 weeks old and has been very hard going since he was 3 weeks old: cries all day, no daytime sleeps other than 10 min here and there on the breast, slow weight gain, v stiff to handle IMO, green poos until 12 weeks old.
The one thing that kept me going was that he slept at night 6 to 8 hour stretches after he eventually settled @ 11pm.

This has now stopped. He at times refuses the breast which leaves me with nothing to offer him that he finds soothing (refuses dummy, not interested in thumb/fingers). It is just hideous to see him so distressed and be unable to help him. He did not settle until well after midnight, this is after 2 hours on and off on the breast (I co-sleep with him, needless to say), and woke all night every 30-40min.

DSs1, 2 and 3 don't really know what mummy looks like anymore and DH and I have NO time together. At all. Ever.

I have an appointment with paeds for DS4 in 2 days. BFcousellor and sleep specialist have not got back to me.

I am at my wit's end. AND feeling sorry for myself, I know. And I know this too will pass. But I am just hating it and am unreasonable envious of parents with lovely, contented babies. It's been 3 months and is getting harder rather than easier. I've done it all before and have never particularly enjoyed the baby stage but this is something altogether different.

Right, rant over, my apologies if you got this far. I really had to vent this morning (get it off my chest - geddit, geddit??).

As you were.

Oh Pacific big unMN hugs for you m'dear. It sounds like things are still such a struggle with DS4 . Poor wee man sounds like he also doesn't particularly like the baby stage...

I think you should wait to see what the paed says on Wed. But imho introducing some bottles would mean that you could share the burden, and do things like spend time with DS 1-3 while someone else feeds DS4. But, the one problem I foresee may be that if only the boob has comforted him then you really are left with nothing in the box of tricks...

BTW my DS sometimes also refuses the breast sometimes - which leaves me feeling like i've nothing (refuses dummy and finger) - but he does then accept the breast again. Which considering it's how I get him to sleep at night, and back to sleep at night, is a relief.

Oh dear pacific, you are clearly having a hard time with this at the moment. You must be exhausted.

How long is it that your ds has stopped sleeping through? I know it is of no concilation but my ds, 18 weeks has only slept through once...so i get your sleep deprivation. It must be very hard to deal with this and an unsettled baby during the day. As i'm not very experienced in these matters i don't quite see what you would hope to gain by stopping bfing? Did you bf your other dcs? Would it not mean a lot of faff finding a formulae he liked as well as sorting and making bottles etc? I'm not trying to undermine you, just to understand your point of view

Could it be a growth spurt or cold or something?

Just remember, you are doing a brilliant thing. And in your words, it will pass.xxxx

Pacific Not advice but a big big hug.

I really sympathise. I don't much like the baby phase either, which is not helped by the fact that my dc's idea of a good place to sleep is ON me (and it's the only good place to sleep).

I regularly feel that maybe, just maybe, if I stuck them on formula I would somehow magically get one of those babies who will just lie down, sleep and let their parents GET ON WITH SOMETHING ELSE.

You were worried about your ds having reflux though, weren't you?

The reason I ask is that I did give ds1 (bad reflux, ftt) some formula and it was pretty traumatic. Throwing up through his nose, uncontrollable screaming, you name it.

Personally I would be more inclined to introduce solids at 17 weeks (dons hard hat). Solids are usually a turning point for refluxy babies.

And if you can get him on omeprazole I would consider that too (if you want proof positive that it works, I can put up ds' weight against the growth charts - it's pretty convincing)

Apologies if you've tried this, but I had a v. slow gaining baby, discontented, green poos etc. and I gave up most dairy and caffeine, and it seemed to help. He started putting weight on, was happier. Each baby is different and will be sensitive to different things, but I really think it's worth a go.

Best of luck, it's so hard.

You're right near the 4mo mark so possibly the (v. common) 4mo sleep regression. There's normally a growth spurt that pops up around then, too.

Have you had him checked for reflux?
Possible reaction to dairy in your diet?

Oh dear, but I am not sure that stopping breastfeeding is going to be a magic answer (other that it will allow others to help you). I'm sure you'll discuss with doctor but maybe he has food intolerances or silent reflux?

My SIL had this with her DS1 she gave him formula and he vomitted it right up - he had dairy intolerance and reflux and was a bit better when she stopped eating dairy.

Doctor may advise early weaning for reflux baby.

no advice, but lots of sympathy Pacific...

So sorry, guys, I posted and ran off - RL took over, v rude, I know.

Thanks you so much for the sympathy and handholding. I am a bit at my outburst from this morning now.

I have paeds appointment on Wednesday. If they don't find anything wrong with him (which I hope of course) I will persevere and maybe introduce a bottle of FF at bedtime (as I have NO time to express - measly 2oz of EBM in the freezer...). I have considered dairy intolerance but only lasted 5 days when I tried to go dairy-free - think I need dietician input to do this. I might ask for a trial of Omeprazole as Infant Gaviscon and Zantac no convincing success.

I am off to start the night shift.

Oh, sorry, and ment to say, stopping BFing is really the last thing I want to do but seemed like the only thing I could actively change in an attempt to make him less unhappy. When I am more rational I know fine that that is NOT the solution.

I BF my other 3 with varying degrees of success and this is the first time I managed to 14 weeks without formula so it is not all bad and he has had the benefit of being exclusively BF for the first 3 months of his life already.

But GAH!! Does it have to be so hard, dammit?!

Pacific, you've done really well!

When I cut out dairy, I didn't totally get rid, but I used Pure marg, no milk, no yoghurt or particularly creamy things, but didn't cut out cheese altogether or get really picky with additives like I would have if we were properly allergic or intolerant, and even that seemed to make a difference.

Good luck with the paeds appointment, and hope you can find something to help.

Hi, Pacific, sorry to read you're struggling.

You seem to be doing a really great job with DS4; you have 3 other boys to looi after so no wonder you're a bit frazzled!

My DS (PFB) is 16 weeks and this past week has been a NIGHTMARE. He used to sleep really well and wake once, since last week he sometimes is up 3-4 times a night. I have matchsticks propping my eyes open and my boobs don't know what's hit them!

From what I've read on this site, it's classic growth spurt time so I'm putting my head down and pushing on.

Btw, I hope all the ladies on the post-natal thread are doing well. I just couldn't keep up with the 1000 posts a day so I kinda dropped off.

have you tried cranial osteopathy?

It can work really well, it certainly did for me. I think it saved my sanity, and the difference in DD was amazing. Her behavior changed from the moment the treatment ended.

The only thing to lose is 40 quid, it is honestly worth a go. I would add that the oteopath I saw said that if it works for babies it will certainly work straight away, so beware of those trying to get you to sign up for a course of treatment.

Sorry you are going through such a though time.

TOUGH time

and

osteopath

sorry

Thanks again, all! And hi, TLC, glad to hear you are doing ok(sih) - some of us had been wondering how you were .

Humphrey, DS has had 3 osteopathy sessions so far, but I've not seen a big difference in him. He is maybe slightly less stiff, but otherwise... But hey ho, we are going back; she suggested when he is 18 weeks old.

Well, last night after 3+hours on the boob most of which was spent tugging and headshaking and moaning at the breast and then refusing to go on - he had 50mls of FF. And slept. For 1 hour. and . So FF is not the Magic Bullett either. Not sure whether I am unhappy or happy about that ...
He also woke at 3am and 5am and is now crying in his crib after a feed. The child does not have the first clue how to go and stay asleep .

On the upside, today I will have my hair cut. It has only been 4 months...

really sorry your having such a hard time must be so hard for your whole family .
as others have said not sure stopping bf will help may even be counter productive but i can understand why you must be desperate to try anything to relieve your lo distress .
only other suggestion is homeopathy . ds4 had 8 serious ear infections all resulting in eardrum perforations in his first year and in desperation i asked for a refferal to homeopathic gp as i would have tried anything at that stage . amazingly he hasn't had an ear infection since probably just coincidence ( i'm still very sceptical as to how homeopathy could possibly work ) but it might be worth a shot.
weaning might also be worth considering after all its that long ago that 16 weeks was the "right" age to wean and most of those weaned at this age came to no harm.