am struggling emotionally/mentally/physically with b.f 5 week old.someone help me please.

[motherbeyond]

i've found it hard from the start.ds feeds all the time.have had to co-sleep as he wont go in the moses basket.i feel he is using me as a dummy.if he cries,the only way he'll settle is to let him suckle.
i've rung Little Angels,in tears at 2 am when ds was 2wks old..la leche a week later.they said to let him suckle as it would up the milk supply.

i have major worries that i don't produce enough milk (due to breast augmentation)and panic he's not getting enough.

however,a few weeks ago the mdwf was really pleased that he had put on over 1 1/2 oz a day since he was last weighed.so i stopped worrying.

i took him to be weighed yesterday thinking he'd have put loads of weight on with all the feeding...he'd dropped to the 50 th centile from the 75 th (was 91st when born) and had only put 9 oz on in 2 weeks.

it just compounded all my fears,and i just cryed at the clinic like a saddo infront of everyone.

i've invested so much into this and i thought as long as he's putting weight on,it's worth it..but now he's not.i'm exhausted,have had mastitis,and have 2 other pre school dc's....i really really really want to carry on,but i just don't think i make enough milk.

h.v said as long as 3 dirty and wet nappies a day he's ok,which he's always had..and now he hasn't pooed since yestersay evening...it's as if he's trying to tell me to stop!
i feel really low about it all..can anyone advise please?

that is reassuring humphrey...and i am feeling better...for now at least.we'll see what wednesday brings.

im really grateful to everyone who advised me,mn really is fantastic for moral support..thanks so much ladies

motherbeyond...what bad luck to get an HV who talks this way, with what sounds like very poor information and understanding about bf.

You don't need to express; you don't need to drink more water (which does not make any difference anyway!); you don't need to worry about let down; or foremilk and hindmilk; or weight gain....because your baby's weight gain is NORMAL. It's normal for any baby (diffs in charts are not applicable at this early stage - bf and ff babies grow more or less the same for the first months). It's also normal to drop centiles like your baby has - especially when they start off on a high one. A drop of two centiles is normal - and a drop of more than two centiles is almost always normal as well, it's just good practice suggests the baby needs checking out to ensure all is well (it nearly always is).

You're influenced by a friend who talks about gushing - what does she know about bf in general? Not a lot by the sound of it! She may have just made a casual remark and would not want you to be upset by it.

Unless the HV has other information and insights about your baby's growth, she does not need to be weighing him for another month at least.

Your HV's questionable opinion and your friends' comments sound 'stronger' to you than your own knowledge of how bf works...that's because they are in your real life and your confidence is shaky because of previous experiences.

Your baby sounds fine, and his weight sounds fine, and you have every right to stay away from weighing - it's doing your confidence no good at all! Your baby is lucky, with a lovely mum who knows he has needs that should be met, not staved off for some arbitrary time gap (very few human beings of any age go four hours without eating or drinking anything, and in the summer heat, I think this is actually quite dangerous advice to give a mother...)

A visit to a real life bf group would help you, I think - is there one nearby?

thank god for that tiktok,because i really couldn't let him cry.
h.v also likes to get model breast out and tells me i "must let baby strip the breast" otherwise the glands that produce the milk will be shut down and will never open again,so milk supply will be diminished.
now am paranoid that he feeds enough fro each breast to ensure this doesn't happen.
is that true?

i believe there is a bf group nearby,i'll have to get my act together and go

What does strip the breast even mean? Does she mean drain them? What a strange HV you seem to have.

DS sometimes has a little snack, sometimes has a great big meal, he knows what he needs. When it is hot and we are out and about he sometimes wants little drinks every 15 mins or so, only takes a couple of gulps.

I don't drip or gush, but DS is a whopper, so the feeding him at any indication he might want to is clearly the way forward.

Eating and drinking well may not make any difference to your milk supply, but it will make you feel better and that can only be a good thing.

motherbeyond - your latest illustration of the HV's teaching puts the tin lid on it.

She is utterly confused.

In the very early days (not 5 weeks postnatal) it is helpful for babies to feed often, to ensure plenty of prolactin receptors - and I suppose you might call this 'stripping the breast' if you want, as it implies frequent effective removal of milk from the breasts. I suppose. Healthy babies do this, without their mothers having to do anything other than let it happen

If this is not done, because the mother is deliberately not feeding as often as the baby wants, or the baby is ill, then it can be harder to build up and maintain a milk supply.

With a normally-growing baby of 5 weeks, gaining weight normally (I have to keep saying this 'normal' thing!),there is no need whatsoever for deliberate attempts to engineer the baby being on for longer or somehow more 'thoroughly'.

You have already got a perfectly fine milk supply

well i'm glad to hear that tiktok thank you for clarifying...and there's me taking every word she says as gospel!!

i suppose that's because i feel very vulnerable at the moment,weaker emotionally and mentally...

i'm surprised though,if her views are out dated,i'd say she was only in her late 40's. and as she used to be a paeditric nurse, i suppose i've been blinded by her credentials if you like.

all i know is i know barely anything about bf,and what i thought i knew is wrong...and the only person i thought i could ask to get a clear answer,is talking nonsense!

well,i think i'll ring tomorrow and cancel her home visit

it was a real shock to me too, that so many of the health care professionals I encountered seemed to know so little about breastfeeding

It sounds like cancelling her visit would be a good plan. She is woefully misinformed.

motherbeyond - hope you are feeling better having had such a lot of caring and sensible supportive posts. With a 4yr old, a 2 year old and a new baby it's not surprising you are feeling tired and low, let alone having this extra pressure. Would it be possible for you to have dp or other family members take your 2 big littlies off out for long spells this weekend so you could try and do nothing except have a bath together / snuggle in bed with your baby, preferably with a tray of food and drink to hand or ready in the fridge so you really don't have to do much. If you could catch up with some sleep, you might feel better able to put your HV comments in context. It really won't help you emotionally that yr dp is not totally supportive given his family background, which makes it even more credit to you that you have done what you feel is right. I agree face to face supportive contact would be really valuable, from a BFgroup and/or perhaps if you could get to a sling meet as often the people really keen on slings are b/feeding: www.slingmeet.co.uk. Also, if you are tense while feeding because of all the pressures on you, it may be also be worth looking at www.biologicalnurturing.com to see a more relaxed approach to feeding. The NCT has a b/f help line too 0300 330 0771 8am?10pm, seven days a week. The counsellors are there to support you in whatever decisions you choose to make. Remember your baby is healthy and well and that has ALL come from you!

Hey

Sounds to me like you're doing wonderfully. I remember the 5-6 week phase. You've finally run out of happy post-birth hormones and aren't getting much in the way of rewards from the baby... for me it was week 9 when I got my first smile...

Psycologically you're knackered and IMO this is the bottom of the curve sleepwise too.

It will get better....

I can remember the 5-6 wk stage, bleeding nipples, sleep depravation, constant crying (me mostly!).

dh wasnt helpful, best suggestion he could come up with was if its this hard then just switch to formula.

Then at about 7-8 wks turned a corner and everything just slotted into place and ended up bf'ing for a year.

Baby Whisperer was popular when ds was born (6 years ago) but dont think it is so much now. In it was a suggestion of a pattern/routine that babies followed called EASY - Eat, Activity, Sleep, You.

The suggestion was baby woke when hungry so feed on wakening, then activity/entertain for a bit then sleep again, I never forced/made this happen with ds, but recognising it was actually what my ds was doing seemed to make me a bit more confident in recognising when he actually needed fed and it normally wasnt before a sleep it was after.

Dont know if that made sense and every baby is different.

Take care of yourself, and hope you turn a corner soon, and bf'ing becomes the natural thing you hear everyone talking about!

thanks everyone...have actually rung the nct helpline as well lilyanne and looked into biological nurturing...and the sling should arrive today!think i've rung every helpline there is,looking for a magic solution i suppose.
hopefully we'll turn a corner soon...thanks lindax for the baby whisperer info,he actually does smile quite a lot...and im sure he wouldn't if he was hungry

Glad to hear you are seeking good advise, and hopefully you are feeling more possitive. Lindax is right about 5 weeks and seeming to hit a wall, but it does get better!
In answer to your question about switching sides, if she has had a "normal" 10-15 minutes I'll change to other breast, if she's had a snacky 2 minutes I'll offer same breast again later, purely cos that's more comfortable for me.

You are doing so well! Hope the sling works as well for you as it did for me.

Morning, motherbeyond

I'm gonna say it again.

You do not need a 'magic solution', because you don't have a problem. You don't need to 'turn a corner' because your baby is not in need of anything different....'cos his weight and growth is normal

You will flummox the people on the helplines, I think, because you are asking them for an answer to a question that isn't even a question...that's why you are ending up asking different people in real life, on the boards, and on the phones, because you are seeking something that does not exist!

The issue is in the wording of your title to this thread. It's you who is 'struggling' in all those ways. Your baby is not struggling. He is fine. He is normal. However, your own struggles are focussing on his weight, and this misses the target - lots of posts here indicate that your life is busy and pressured and getting help with this will be a real boost to you.

Honestly, from what you say here, you and your baby don't have a breastfeeding problem at all. Life is hard, but not because bf is not going well, because it is going just fine

i am beginning to believe it tiktok...it's taking a while..i just don't want to let him down.i don't know why i find it such an issue tbh...maybe it's because you can't actually see the milk,so don't know how much he's getting.
i do find it hard.i'm just leaving to get my eldest from nursry and then going to a soft play place..i'm already jittery about him needing a feed there...even as i write it, i think WHY?!!!
If a saw a post like this i'd reply saying there's nothing to be anxious about...but i can't get myself to believe it,it's so silly

motherbeyond - glad you are coming to believe it

You know, seeing the milk and knowing how much he's getting wouldn't help at all. You would still need convincing that it was the 'right' amount for him at that time.

The process of breastfeeding works. It is an 'interaction' between you and the baby. It is far more than a transfer of measurable nutrients from A to B. Just let it happen

You sound very much like me at that stage motherbeyond, and I am still feeding my toddler dd!

Everyone here talking lots of sense especially tiktok as ever (and I still feel the need to say "thank you" everytime I "see" you tiktok! )

I really felt better once I stopped scouring the internet, reading millions of books, seeking opinion etc. Also once I realised the HV was talking utter crap, sadly most don't seem to be knowledgeable on BF. I found a great BF group (BfN) near me, went once a week, listened to them and ONLY them and that was it. Don't get me wrong, loads of struggles along the way, but it is do-able! Can you just stop seeing your HV for a few weeks?

Ah motherbeyond, I have nothing to add (except possibly just to mention the word normal once more ) and to send you a very big nonMN hug.

Get him into a sling and keep feeding when he wants, and ring your HV and tell her you've moved ... to Mars

i rang my h.v and left a message..!...i bet she rings on monday though.
...and it looks as though my sling has got lost in the post,was s'posed to be here on tue...bleedin' typical!!!

...just an up-date...
i feel we have turned a corner,and although feeds are still frequent,i'm a lot more confident.
i am so glad i hung in there,and am very grateful to those of you who took the time to advise and give me emotional support when i reeeeally needed it

Sounds good, motherbeyond Great to get your update.

thanks tiktok,your advise was very comforting to me in my hour/s of need.
he's 8 weeks now and things are much more settled..infact something fun ny happened the other day.
i took him for his jabs and was feeding him afterwards,when the (pregnant)nurse said to me "oh,i went to a bf class last night,and they said bf was really hard,but you make it look a breeze!"

i just gave her one of these...