DD nearly 2 and still BFing in bed in the morning - is this ok?

[amachori]

DD is nearly 2. We have always co-slept, completely until recently, and now she sleeps on a matress next to our bed but comes in with us sometime during the night. I used to feed her to sleep and she would then just help herself periodically through the night. This was tiring and uncomfortable and I was worried about her teeth. So, we've cut down. She now has one bottle of cows milk in the night (I have a feeling this is bad? But at least with a bottle she just drinks it up and then goes back to sleep. If I offer the breast she latches on and pretty much stays attached for the rest of the night...If I offer nothing she cries and cries.) She then wakes up at 5ish, complains until 6am, I then let her latch on and we both doze until 7am. I would like to cut down more, I know 'experts' say babies do not need to feed in the night past about 6 months! But she resists and I'm weak. Is it bad to allow her to keep the breast in her mouth for so long (I'm thinking teeth particularly)? And am I going to be BFing forever if I don't take a stand?

The bottle of cows' milk in the night is worse for her teeth tbh.

"Experts" might be correct in saying that they don't need the milk through the night in terms of nutritional need, but many children have an emotional need for it, which is just as important IMO.

And if you are still happy feeding her in the night, then it's ok, regardless of what anyone else might say, "expert" or otherwise.

I still feed DS who will be 2 in 6 weeks (in the morning and in the evening). I like it, he likes it but I can't help thinking I am going to have to stop it.
Not sure why, but I must say apart from DH and my mum, nobody knows I am still feeding him.
I know it's not wrong, but the weight of people's disapproval would be too much to bear.

DD (2) comes into bed with me in the morning for a feed. She has one last thing at night - after we've brushed her teeth - & first thing in the morning.

If you and your daughter are OK with it, then it's OK.

dd fed morning and night till she was almost 6. (years)

bucharest, my ds1 still feeds at 4.7yo. I now no longer know anybody in RL who has fed this long (even at LLL!!), so I often think of you and your dd who fed til almost age 6.

I rather horrified the playground mums the other day outing myself. (It's very odd here, as everyone breastfeeds initially, probably about 80-90% I'd say, but equally, almost everyone, on paediatrician's advice, stops the day the baby turns 6mths, so as an extended bfer, you're lulled into a false sense of security that telling the truth is OK. Cue jaws hitting the floor, then eyes going immediately to my (admittedly withered) chest, heads shaking, fingers twirling in a "she's mad she is" sort of way, and nervous laughter....)

A lot of the mums at ds1's nursery know that he still feeds because on a trip last year, they gave him cake by mistake (he is allergic to egg and I wasn't in the room) and he became really inconsolable when he realised he had eaten egg. I nursed him til he was calm in front of almost the whole nursery. I didn't care who knew because ds1 was so distressed.

Since ds2 was born, some of them have asked if ds1 still feeds, so I tell them that he does. I don't really care what they think tbh but often they change the subject when it is mentioned. Ah well, their problem, not mine

Thanks for all the messages. I am happy feeding her in the mornings. So I guess I'll keep it up for a while. But I'm not so happy about her feeding in the night - hence the bottle. For a long while she was dependent on BFing to stay asleep (like a dummy) and that wasn't good for either of us. By the way do you think a quick bottle is worse for teeth than long BF? My friend's child never had a bottle, but did BF at night, and her teeth were in a terrible state. The dentist said it was the kind of decay that was normally associated with children who go to sleep with a bottle where they fall asleep with it in their mouth. DD drinks it, I put it down, and then she goes to sleep on her own. But as I said, would like to cut it out, but know she wouldn't!

I thought kellymom would have some evidence-based information about breastfeeding and tooth decay, and here it is If you search the site I expect there will be stuff about cutting down night-time feeds as well.

Amachori, have you looked at the no-cry sleep solution for toddlers and pre-schoolers? I'm sure she has something about cutting down on night feeds. I found the book very useful when cutting down on ds2's night feeds (at between 2 and 3 I think but I can't remember very precisely). I am just starting to think about digging it out for ds3 as I am very tired and he's far heavier than ds2 ever was, so I notice it more when he feeds at night. Ds3 is coming up to 2 yrs, just like your dd.

Interestingly when I started to cut down on ds2's feeds he was very amenable to reasoning (so I guess 2 1/2 or older) and I asked him which feed he wanted to keep as his last one. I thought he would choose the bedtime one but he chose the morning one. And we didn't keep going for ever - he just stopped of his own accord around 3 1/2 or a little older, when I was half-way through my pregnancy with ds3. I feel very happy that it was an uncomplicated weaning process and that he was the one who made the final decision to stop.

Another good book is 'How weaning happens' available from La Leche League or (I think) online from Amazon.

Bucharest I guess your playground mums go straight onto follow-on formula at 6 months then? Now that's a subject to get me started...

gecko is 3years 4 months and co sleeps and feeds in the night quite alot

its fine

At that age I thought my ds would never stop nursing and was getting a bit concerned, but he self-weaned at 2.4 years and has continued to co-sleep.

DS is nearly 3 and still feeds at bedtime and at least once most nights. He sees teh dentist regularly and his teeth are perfect.
Another useful link

I've read the kellymom stuff too, and am convinced that bf does not cause tooth decay. Equally (and less scientifically!) I have always let my older dd have a cup of cows' milk at bedtime after she has brushed her teeth, and her teeth are perfectly fine at the age of five and a half.

I have just stopped feeding my co-sleeping 20 month old at night for the same reasons as you - she was staying latched on for ages, half awake, popping on and off and generally driving me mad. It hasn't been easy but I think I am now reaping the benefits. After a few nights of quite extended upset and anger from her, she is now sleeping through till about 5.30 when I am prepared to let her feed again. I think I was happier to let her carry on bfing through the night because it felt like an emotional connection. I would feel a bit grumpy about giving her cows' milk because I know she doesn't actually need it during the night. I did offer a cup of water which to my amazement was accepted and she would lie down after a little drink. Maybe worth a go if you want to ditch the night-time bottle?

I am such a coward compared to you all. I need to grow a backbone!

just re-read my post. I didn't mean it to sound as though I was happier when she was bfing through the night than now that she has stopped. I meant happier to bf than to offer a bottle.

What Again said. It just tailed off - the night feeds were the last thing to go and I didn't even notice when he weaned (at around 2.4 also).

In retrospect it might have explained the weeping breakdowns at work and being a cow in general but that's hormones for you

Brigitte, why does it matter? No-one needs to know if it makes you uncomfortable. I do tell people that I am still bfing but at the same time I have stopped letting her feed in public. I feel a bit sad for her about that, as I know she would be happy but I don't want to have to deal with feeling self-conscious about it.

I still feed gecko in public
Its noones business and something I feel very strongly about

I don't have the balls! I think I've reached the right compromise for us.

I don't have the balls either.
I love it, DS loves it. But I have a horrible voice at the back of my head saying "you're going to have to stop soon!". Really annoying.
And NOBODY around me supports me, so I feel guilty although I am completely aware that it's great and there's nothing wrong.
It's just a fight between both parts of my brain.
Sorry for the highjack OP. I weaned from night feeds when DS was about 9 months old. Would have loved to carry on but DH was starting to get lonely

I fed DS until just before his 2nd birthday, the first thing in the morning feed was the last one to go. I can remember having that nagging feelong that I should be giving up. I don't know anyone in RL who has bf for over a year, and lots stop before 6 months, so bf a toddler felt a bit 'out there'. At 18 months I cut down his feeds quite a bit, and didn't offer bf.

Second time around with DD (just coming up to 18 months) I feel much more relaxed. She seems such a baby still, and really loves it. I feed on demand still (would happily see the end of night feeds tho). I feel more confident to carry on until she doesn't need it anymore, rather than feeling that there should be a timetable for weaning.

Mumsnet has definitely helped me carry on

Thanks for the kellymom link. I'm convinced - I will stop the night time bottle. Don't want to return to continuous night time BFing though so I am mentally preparing for struggle! Armed with the confidence that I am doing the right thing (and that Aranea had success!) I am hopeful that I will hold out though. Hoping it will be better than last time though - the bottle was introduced after about a week of very bad nights with a very angry baby. Water was not a satisfactory alternative.

Incidentally, meant 'right thing' in giving up the bottle not in not in refusing to BF at night. That, is mainly a me thing, what I'm willing to put up with, and to do with dd's habits. If it were just one feed in the night I would be happy but she will just stay attached, half awake and constantly swapping sides and waking me up much as Aranea described. Meant of course that she wasn't sleeping very soundly either. Not that I need to justify...