Daytime vs night feeds

[FlightofFancy]

Need some advice/help please (even if it's just reassurance that there's nothing I can do!).

DS is 22 weeks and seems to get most of his feeds down him at night at the moment. As background, his weight is good (75%ile and now about 18lbs) and he's always fed well. I'm really keen to keep bf to at least a year, but I'm absolutely exhausted - last two nights I've been up four times between dreamfeed at 10 and getting up at 7.30 - and can't imagine carrying on with this.

We have a very gentle routine, but I don't really feed to schedule - more a case of feeding when he asks for it, or at a particular time if he hasn't yet 'asked' and I think he's gone too long. So, he feeds at 7.30-8am (though is taking next to nothing then as full from feeding all bloody night), then again at 11am ish - he's more than happy to go this long between these feeds, and if I try to feed him sooner often just has a quick snack, or screams at me.

Then he'll wake up during his lunchtime nap for feed at 1.30ish, then feed at 3pm, sometimes a top up at 5pm ish, but generally big feed at 6.30pm. Down to sleep by 7pm, then either a dreamfeed at 10.30, or at the moment he's waking himself at 10 hungry.

Then every 2 hours max all night long - sigh. He's definitely hungry at night, rather than just needing help to get back to sleep, as we've tried settling him back without feeding and it doesn't work. He doesn't really wake up fully, but will feed for a good 20 mins (he's a quick feeder, so this is massive for him). Often, he'll fall asleep feeding then wake half an hour later to finish off.

Sorry, I've gone on a bit (just so tired) - what I want to know is do you think it'll make a difference to try and feed him more during the day - should I be offering every 2 hours during daytime? Please don't tell me that this will pass and just to suck it up, there's got to be something?? I'm starting to resent him a bit at night, rather than seeing him as a little baby who can't help it, which I know is a bad thing, so need to do something to help.

Oh yes, he doesn't really take a bottle reliably - will take a couple of oz then wait for me to give in...

Might the problem be that he has settled into a 'wrong' routine with short spaces between feeds, especially if you say you feed him even if he hasn't asked because you think it's been too long....? My DS is only 16 weeks but we ignored the feeding schedule and fed only on demand. DS gradually went longer and longer between feeds, started sleeping through the night, and developed his own routine of only 5 feeds a day. He's about 15lbs, and was 7lb 7oz when he was born.

On another note, he won't take a bottle off me or if I'm in the room. I BF but express milk for my husband to feed him. He takes the bottle fine if I'm not around.

What does your HV say?

My heart goes out to you. You must be soooo knackered!!

Flight, I could have written your post. My DS VERY alert and interested little boy so was distractable feeder in the day and would take long focused big feeds during night! 4-6 months the hardest, then it started to calm down.

now 8mo and 20.5 lb and night weaning him as i cannot do it any longer and he needs to let his mummy sleep! offering chamomile tea (cooled and weak) instead. kicked off last night but my resolve was solid! did't feed him until he woke at 5:15 after crying for most of night. tonight aiming for 6. hopefully will obey the urban myth that within a few nights they are sleeping through.

imo ride it out. i used to try and feed DS before, after, during naps... he was such a hungry thing. he would also scoff all night and then not be hungry until 8am nap after 6am start. only recently he is starting to eat ALOT more (BLW) and seems not half as hungry at night... taking my chance to stop the night feeding!

i used to think that they grow at night and need the milk to grow so it was feeding his brain cells! kept me going! but i feel your pain...

this helped me

and this is my DS all over!!!

oh and it won't cause problems with self settling as some books say - you can easily tackle that when he is a bit older and not so ravenous! my DS often self settles like a dream... feeding to sleep stopped working at about 6/7 months unless totally shattered... always latched him off when not totally comatose so he could do the last bit in his bed. seems to be paying off - he chatters now and falls asleep alone - so sweet!!!

i'm on non-sleeping-baby number 3 now.

she is about the same age as yours and has very similar feeding pattern - 4/5 hours during day but then usually waking every 2/3 hours during the night. sometimes i can pop her in the swing and she'll go back to sleep within a few mins, but others i have to feed her.

she absolutely refuses to take a bottle (as did dc2) so no relief - i agree it's exhausting...i am currently sporting a black eye from having crashed into the wardrobe in despair at 3am the other night!

i've tried more feeds during the day but that seems to make it WORSE at night... on the days she feeds 5/6 hourly, the nights tend to be better too.

all i can say is that eventually they get there... ds1 slept through by about 1 year. ds2 started sleeping through at 13 months when i stopped night breast feeds, as by that point i knew he couldn't really be hungry.

i have lots of friends who had babies sleeping through by 6 weeks old - but none of them do anything any differently to what i do, and i am now convinced it's just pure luck as to whether you get a sleeper or not.

this doesn't help much i know, but it may be a bit of comfort to know you're not alone and that it does get better for most people sometime around 1st birthday

also worth trying (if you haven't already), swaddling dd keeps her asleep for as long as it takes for her to kick herself free, and things are slightly better since i downloaded some particularly horrible white noise from itunes, and now have that playing all night long much louder than is comfortable for me.

other friends say their babies slept better when put in a different room, though i wouldn't do it before 6 months but lots of people do... possibly you just sleep through some of the wake ups and they settle back down without you even knowing they were ever awake.

Thanks guys - yes, ChopWoodCarryWater he's a textbook 'distractable' baby and I've read every article I can find on that bloody 4 month sleep regression! So good to hear I'm not alone!

I'm testing out today feeding him at every opportunity during the day - so now anticipate a bad night tonight.

It's so frustrating, as just occasionally he'll only wake twice, so I know he can do it! Once, just once, when he was about 15 weeks, he made it through to 4.20am before waking... I still dream about that.

LadySanders well done to you for making it through 3 non-sleepers. I might try spacing out daytime feeds then, to see if that works. Oddly, he does seem to sleep better on nights when he eats less at the dreamfeed. Strange creatures babies!

On the plus side, he does self-settle for daytime naps (mostly), and can self-settle at night when he feels like it, so I must be grateful for small mercies. Unfortunately he's already in his own room - as too big for any of the sleeping options that could keep him in our room (tiny house). I've also tried bringing him in to bed with me, but he's not a fan, as he likes to sleep with his arms stretched out in 'crucifixion' position, and I object to that! Plus my boobs aren't big enough to feed well lying down, so we all wake up.

To be fair, he's the only one of my friends' babies not yet sleeping through, but then again, he's the only one ebf. So will collect my breastfeeding gold star at the door of the sleep-deprivation psychiatric unit...

ps. I'm not aiming for sleeping through (I'm not daft!). My dream would be just once a night, but I'd be ecstatic at two feeds a night!

i will meet you in that queue!

having said that, i only b/f ds1 for 4 months, and he didn't sleep any better for having a bottle of formula... the only other silver lining i can suggest from personal experience is that both my sons, once they finally started sleeping, became brilliant sleepers and never had any messing about going to bed... whereas friends had wonderful sleeping babies who turned into nightmare toddlers... you pay, one way or the other

"the only other silver lining i can suggest from personal experience is that both my sons, once they finally started sleeping, became brilliant sleepers and never had any messing about going to bed... whereas friends had wonderful sleeping babies who turned into nightmare toddlers... you pay, one way or the other"

haha i am hoping that'll be me!!!

Poor you, you must be so tired.

At that age he shouldn't need to fed in the night at all, but as you say once would be fine.

Make sure you feed every 3 hours during the day, say at 7am, 10am, 1pm, 4pm, 7pm and 10pm. Wake him if necessary and make sure he has alert times in the day and make sure he's properly awake at 10pm or he will not feed properly.

When he wakes at night give him the minimum feed possible, eg 3 mins on each side - or even better start at weekend get your DH to give him half strength EBM from bottle during the night or cuddle him back to sleep. You need to break the current cycle and get him to be really really hungry for the 7am feed.

From what you are saying you'd be happy with one night time feed say at 4am (thats what I am doing with DS2 also EBF aged 8 weeks has been doing since 6 weeks - he has 6 feeds in the day and one at night.)

Or it might just be that that age he's hungry on breastmilk alone - but you do imply that he can go longer than 2 hours in the day so I'm guessing its not that which means he's got day and night confused.... if you were feeding 2 hourly day and night then its time to wean....