Embarrased to feed in public, boobs spray milk!

[Dalrymps]

My ds2 is 11 weeks old, had a rough start to bfing but is going ok at the moment

Problem is I feel too self concious to feed in public, I am happy to feed sat in our car or in the 'feedding/changing room' in Boots but haven't really fed in front of relatives or just out and about.

I have largish breasts (34ff) and it's difficult to be descrete when getting one out. I wear a stretchy vest under tops so I can pull that down then lift outer top up but still feel like I flash a lot of nipplr

I am totally for bfing whenever and wherever you like but don't seem to be able to do this myself. I would feel less embarrassed about a stranger catching a flash of my nip than a relative though why is that?!

The other problem I have is quite fast let down, somtimes ds struggles a bit at first and pulls of for a min to catch his breath, when he does this my breast sprays milk like a watering can . I have to have tissues to hand to soak it up, wouldn't feel comfortable if this happened out and about.

Any tips or advice/reassurance please?! I'm going to visit family in a week and will have to do lots of bf in front of other people unless I want to spend a weeks holiday hiding in peoples spare rooms like I do at pils house

Muslin cloths are much better than tissues, and can be bunched up or draped strategically to catch the spray!! I found breast pads pretty useless because they would be soaked through in seconds.

It does settle down, IME - 11 weeks is still early days. I just used to settle myself with my back to other people - most people are not rude enough to stare at you.

Ah thanks for the tip on the cloths. Can you get large ones or are you talking about the little squares you get? Yeah i'm using johnsons breast pads, they're comfy and don't leak like some other ones i've tried but do get soaked quickly if a boob goes off!

Thanks for saying it settles down, I wasn't sure. I bf my ds1 but he was mix fed from 5 weeks (LOTS of bf probs/pain etc etc) and am not sure how good my mlik supply was tbh as I didn't have these problems!

I got round the feeding in public then by just giving a bottle if I wanted so feel a bit like a first timer.

i use a muslin with orner tucked into bra strap on shoulder to hold in place then draped over baby's head. It hides enough and as 3littlefrogs says, most people will not stare, infact IME i have found they tend to look away - they are usually more embarrassed than i am TBH!

My DD is 12 weeks and I was shy to begin with, but now i don't care! Although i have never had the spraying out like a watering can problem.

Ah I see, can you still see if baby is on ok when you do that? I ask cause ds moves about sometimes and I have to keep checking he's positioned ok.

I don't feel like a 'natural' bfer, I have to hold my breast to support it or I feel uncomfortable and I can't seem to get comfy without a bfing pillow. I have put a folded up coat on mt knee when out but it's not the same

Sorry for all the typos and spelling mistakes!

Just to let you know Dalrymps I have the same issue with spraying! I once had to BF on the bus when DD was about 6 weeks. She pulled off and my milk actually sprayed someone. I felt awful and went scarlet, but DH didn't even notice let alone the person I sprayed.

I think you notice stuff much more than anyone else does - as curlyLJ says people tend to look away.

I have used a muslin (one of the ones that's about 70cm square) to cover my modesty on occasions where am not wearing the double layered outfit and basically have to haul my boob out. It's very handy for pressing against spurting boob too! I also find if you apply a bit of pressure to the spurt it stops pretty quickly.

Another thing I've found is not to panic and feed as soon as DD starts needing it, therefore basically squatting in middle of shopping centre, but to take 5 mins to find somewhere - coffee shop, comfy bench, get it position and then feed.

Also on breast pads I find the lansinoh ones more absorbent than any others even Johnsons - they are really thin but have never had a leak with them and they are large in diameter so don't get out of position and allow leaks because of that.

Re the spraying everywhere my milk literally used to hit all 4 walls and the ceiling if DS pulled off. I learnt that if I pushed the nipple in that stopped it (unless I was really engorged when I just had to use a muslin to prevent flooding the neighbourhood). It does settle down - at some point (6months??) I was even able to go to bed not wearing a bra... before that I had to wear one to keep the pads in place.

FWIW I used washable pads and never had a problem with leakage - the ones I used were Motherease but if I got more i'd get silk topped ones

I also have the watering can problem. It is apparently supposed to settle down but hasn't really at 7 months. It's honestly not too bad in public: I have sprayed people occasionally but they haven't noticed.

I think the fear of public feeding is way worse than actually doing it. Go somewhere reasonably quiet with DH/a friend, and have a go. I was disappointed to find that most people don't notice, and that even if they do, they tend to just glance and then look away.

If you are shy, I find that wearing sunglasses helps: it's like you're more anonymous iykwim. You can also peek at people and see if they're really looking at you.

I used to feel a bit embarrassed about feeding in front of my relatives which always made DD wriggle about and I had the problem with spraying milk (like you I found it more difficult than with strangers ). I never managed the feeding under a muslin thing - it just took me ages to position DD so she would start wailing and then people would look over so it was a waste of time. I had a few problems positioning DD to start with and found that if I curled my feet up on the seat/sofa with my knees up IYKWIM I could rest her on my legs, rest her head on my arm and hold my boob in place. I started feeding that way (people never mind you having your feet up when you are feeding) and discovered I felt much less self-conscious. With my knees up I was less exposed and if I did leak no-one could really see. You could try finding different ways of sitting/arranging cushions so you feel less exposed but I really think that everyone is right about people looking away and not even noticing leaks or nipples being flashed.

Good luck and I hope you have a good visit.

I have a pile of cloth nappies and always have a couple with me when out. They are extremely absorbent (of course!) and make handy little towels for all sorts of occasions.

Don't worry about nipple flashing, the chances of anyone being at exactly the right angle and exactly the right distance in exactly the right moment and also being of the persuasion to be offended are very very small.

Ah yes, I am well familiar with the moment of panic when the baby decides the milk is too fast and you are gushing like a showerhead! I found that using a muslin to cover myself as I fed drew more attention than just doing it so I don't cover up, but do have a muslin to hand for the gushes!

I am big boobed too, currently a 34K and I find it useful to pull the vest and bra down first, then bring the baby close to the boob, then pull the top up for a minimum of exposure. I did this in a restaurant the other day, and the person I was talking to didn't even realise I was feeding! Practise in front of a mirror if you don't feel comfortable - you can then see that very little is actually on show, even though it feels like you are practically stripping off. For feeding in public, it is great to go to a LLLor Baby Cafe, or just go out with a bfing mate so you feel more comfortable.

I agree that the Lansinoh pads are fab - the johnson ones were soaked within 2 hours (probably one big let down, but I could probably get away with wearing the lansinoh ones for a whole day, and have never had a leak. They are on offer in Mothercare ATM.

I think people act how you do, so at the beginning when I fed DS I was very shy, embarrassed and uncomfortable, and relatives/friends weren't comfortable at all. Mow, I act very chilled and they also act very chilled. If you act like it is something normal, they will too

Hope it all goes well

These are very unpopular on Mumsnet, but they helped me feed, so I don't care. They may help you, or you might hate them too:

bebeaulait.com

I just found that if DD just suddenly stopped and stared looking round the room, I wasn't left with a great red nipple pointing in all directions...

Similar stuff around on ebay. unlike a muslin, they don't slip off and you can maintain eye contact.

Ah, so glad there are other milk sprayers out there

Anyone know where I can get the larger muslins relitavely cheaply?

I like the idea of wearing sunglasses to make me feel less shy, might try that!

I didn't know if you pressed on the nipple it might stop, will have to try that next time...

The ikea ones are big, and quite cheap - worth a try?

Also, you say you "feel" you are flashing - you might find you actually aren't at all. Have you tried b/f in front of a mirror yet to prove once & for all to yourself if you are.

Morloth - we have loads of old toweling nappies, we use them to put under the dc when changing to mop up any spils, very usefull. Never thought of using them for breastfeeding spillages!

I agree people will be comfortable if I am, I have a tendancy to blush even if feeling relitavely calm and collected which doesn't help. Will have to work on it...

Am tempted by the idea of the nursing cover thingys but I feel like I would be fussing around with it and making feeding a big deal iyswim. I think i'd rather try and get used to doing it anywhere and everywhere without being botherd. I am aware it'll just take practice but need to get over the voices in my head amking me feel shy and worrying people will make nasty comments - I would be really embarrassed if anyone did. My dh on the other hand would tell anyone who commented where to get off

I do need to practice in front of a mirror, it's the moment of lathing on and taking ds off that I worry i'm flashing. Also, my nipples have quite large areola so even when he's latch on I (and possibly others) can see a lot of that at the top.

Ha, Dalrymps, me with my (low) supply issues (real or imagined) I am quite of this problem !

I don't have anything to add re spraying but in terms of hiding nips when BFing in public you will become more shameless as time goes by: practice makes perfect. I find lose large t-shirts with men's shirts on top useful. I also do the old muslin-over-baby's-head thing. This is also useful when they become really nosey and start svivvelling their head in all directions - wihtout letting go of breast, ouch!

FWIW, any comments I have had when BFing out and about (and there have only been v few with all my previous 3) have been v positive and encouraging.

Don't let it stop you: practice and then Just Do It and you'll be fine.

I remember when Ds was small and I was feeding him in the livingroom with DP helping me to position him, DS decided that his milk was coming out too fast for his liking and he turned his head away. My milk sprayed right across the coffee table and hit the telly on the wall opposite. I was laughing so much I couldn't do anything and DP was dithering around trying to cover my modesty and protect the telly at the same time. It was hilarious. DP didn't see the funny side but it gave me a chuckle.

Forceful let-downs do slow down eventually but bear in mind if you are expressing also, it may take longer as you are encouraging your breasts to make more milk.

pacific - You are right, I do need to just do it!

TheBreastmilk - lol at you spraying the tv! I'm not expressing at the mo but was considering buying a pump today... Maybe i'll wait a while!

The first time my dh saw my breast spray he was in shock, he ran round trying to find something to mop it up then admitted he had no idea the milk came out of more than one hole tbh, I never realised it did either till I bf myself!

Hi - I had the same problem with fast let down and spraying, and not liking feeding out.
I bought a few breast feeding tops from Hennes and it made things a lot easier, the design is such that there is a bit under and over your boob, but the "hole" is better positioned, than I found other breast feeding tops to be. There are some on ebay at the moment.

The fast letdown did settle with time, and there is a good link on kellymom www.kellymom.com/bf/supply/fast-letdown.html

Just to say i have sympathy with your fast let down... Me too. It ends up everywhere if i'm not quick. If i haven't mopped for a couple of days, and the angle of the sun is right, i can see it in great arcs of spray across the laminate floor. Oh i am a classy bird. The worst is when the nipple that's currently surplus to requirements decides it wants to play, befor i remember i haven't yet donned a breast pad, and so the milk floweth forth through the wrap dress, over my knees and on to the rug.

I just try to be quick off the draw with a muslin if i suspect my ds might want a breather. Out and about, as someone said above, i do find people are inclined to look away. And if they don't you can always squirt them in the eye and claim it's a passing starling. hehe!

My DD is 9 weeks old. I have huge boobs and can have a fast let down where I spray if DD comes off. I will feed absolutely anywhere - I am not confident person but feel that its the most natural thing in the world so I just go for it whenever DD wants fed. My Dh is surprised that I have been like this as I am not very confident about my body (understatement!).

My biggest tip, which has already been mentioned, is to get comfy and not to panic. I try to take my time to get into a good position so that I dont get flustered. If Im out and about I have started to try and look for the very first cues that my DD is hungry to avoid her screaming and attracting attention - that way I can sit down and start feeding discreetly. I have had a couple of situations where I am sure I have flashed a bit of nipple - both times in a shopping centre - but I just focused on my DD and avoided eye contact with anyone who might have seen!!!

I find the cradle position difficult so I feed my DD on my lap. In the house I use a pillow to lift her up to me so I am not slumped over. When out and about I just fold a blanket and put it under her head so that I am not slumping over. I make sure that some of the blanket is left behind her head and hold it up so that I can shield my boob when she initially latches on. You could use a blanket, sheet or muslin - I use a blanket so that her head is raised slightly but you might not need this. I also hold my boob which I find hides any flesh that would otherwise be on show - I have to hold my boob anyway due to its size. Hope Ive explained this ok!

I was initially more embarassed around family members so I can empathise with you - at least with strangers you wont see them again if you make a fool of yourself!

I can honestly say that the more you feed around people, the easier it will get. I was away visiting my husbands family this weekend and I fed in every house, carpark, coffee shop and restaurant that we went to as my DD wanted fed non stop due to hot weather. I used a blanket every time and managed to feed discreetly every time - I even ate dinner with one hand on Sat night in a restaurant. You will gain confidence each time you give it a go, its just a case of giving it a go if you really want to. Some people dont want to and stick to private places but I like to get out and about and dont want to be stuck in a feeding room when I o out. Id rather sit in a coffee shop with a nice drink and a cake !

Ah thanks for the sypathy and the tips

I am surprised I am so shy like this, I had planned to feed everywhere but seem to have a mental block about it. Am hoping this holiday will bring me out of my shell a bit as i'll have to feed anywhere really if I want to enjoy the holiday.

Some good tips and good to know i'm not alone.

stripey - that link was helpfull. I tend to have ds on his side so he call pull off or dribble milk out the side of his mouth if it gets too much. Those tops look good, might bid on a few

Moonface - Lol at your spray arcs on the floor! I dread to think how many places mine has hit round the house!

harver - I do need something under him when feeding him away from home, yes. I usually use a folded coat/blanket combo but sometimes find he wriggles and slides about and then I end up hunched over when I didn't start off that way! Will have to keep practicing I think!

The "having to" really sorts out any embarrassment you might have felt.

When I had DS1 I wasn't embarrassed exactly, but I would look for somewhere quiet like my car, or a mall parent's room, or a friend's house whatever. I was in Sydney and drove everywhere so always had the car as an option.

Now I am on foot in London and if I don't want to stay home all day everyday then I have to be able to feed on the bus, at the bus stop, on the tube, in a cafe, in a restaurant, in a bookshop etc. The choices are stay home or get used to feeding out, so I have gotten used to feeding out.

And to my surprise I have not had a single negative comment, not one, only positive comments and lots of smiles and stroking of baby's head. Nobody minds really, the problem is the tiny percentage of the population who does have a problem also has a great big gob so they make more noise than their numbers should permit.

Had a lovely conversation with a really elderly man in Starbucks once, he looked up, noticed what I was doing and I thought for a second we were going to have an issue, but actually he wanted to talk about his babies and how his wife breastfed them and how lovely it was and how much he missed her etc. He made me feel really good, but that doesn't make a headline so you never really hear about the nice stuff.