How to stop BFing a 15 month old quickly

[EmilyBrown]

I am in a situation where I need to (unwillingly) stop breastfeeding our 15 month old for medical reasons (and do so fairly quickly) and I cannot imagine how to do it. He is very keen on the breast and will do anything to gain access when wanted - not to mention at night, will mostly feed all the time (literally!). We co-sleep although do also have a cot in our bedroom.

I feel anxious and depressed about this, I worry it is going to be a nightmare and we are all going to be ruined, not least the baby who can't know the reasons... Besides how will we ever get through the nights??!! (And the following days...)

Should I cut days first? Nights? What to do instead? I know our baby will most likely scream the whole night. :'-( (I don't do methods which involve leaving the baby alone to cry.)

I am sorry to hear this EB
do you mind me asking the reasons? I wonder if there is a middle way?

Emilybrown I will be watching this with interest as I need to wean my 12 month old boob monster as I need a shoulder op. I have no idea where to start!

Are you sure you need to stop? I only ask, because I was told I needed to stop when I had gallstones (my little girl was only 4mo) and that I should put her on formula straight away. I knew in my gut that this couldn't be right - after all, women breastfeed after c-secs without the meds/anesthetic being an issue - and so I took advice from medically-inclined friends of mine and from a lactation consultant at the hospital.

Anyway, point being, if you don't want to stop do make sure you 100% need to, because GPs, surgeons etc are not best informed. You should try ringing the breastfeeding network drugs line if you know what you'll be having:

www.breastfeedingnetwork.org.uk/drugs-in-breastmilk.html

Unfortunately I am sure I need to stop. I am pretty informed about breastfeeding and have the most supportive doctors and other medical stuff but in this case there is no middle way, sadly. :-( (Or rather, all middle ways have already been explored and exhausted.)

So I will take all tips about how to get it done with least possible pain for all participants.

i would go out all day, then feed him on the night, cutting out day feeds.
Then a few days later go out at bedtime.
It will be hard but you say it needs to be quick.
I'm so sorry, hope it's not as bad as you think and your medical issues get sorted.
Remember to ensure you don't get too engorged & watch for worrying signs/

Right, I stopped bf ds at around this age.

Did day first and offered ANY distraction at first (yes, smarties if nec )

Night-time I just stopped. Explained beforehand and that he could have water (in a cup). We co-slept so he was right next to me, being soothed but not bf. I offered water. He quickly learnt a new way to get to sleep (lying on top of me - he grew out of that too, thankfully. He is now 22mths)

It took I think three days. Far quicker than I thought. Might even have posted about it. Will do a search for you.

Keep resolute and don't forget you are only stopping bfing not cuddles or comfort or anything else.

We bought DS a new 'big boy cup' to drink out of, let him choose it and made a big fuss of him drinking out of it.

Day time is easier to do first- how long do you have? If a very short time, agree that chocolate may be your friend. Try hot choc as an alternative when he really wants a feed- does he drink out of a bottle at all? We just gave DS a bottle of milk when he wanted a feed.

Ok, nights may be harder and he may shout at first but just cuddle him, offer him an alternative drink and he will get over it. I found that saying 'mama' (DS' word for BF) was sore and that I couldn't feed him helped. He understood that and it made the transition easier.

Once we were down to just the bedtime feed, I counted DS down to the last one over a couple of nights. Then we said (with a huge lump in my throat) bye bye to mama. He asked for a few days but was easily put off.

DS will be fine, keep talking to him about it and he'll get his head around it. And good luck with your medical procedure.

My MW told me to try to cut the nights first as that is when most of the prolactine is produced. At 15 months he is probably using you as a conforter at night anyway, so offer some water and may be a dummy if he needs sucking, and a big cuddle.
Take sage tea to decrease your milk supply and avoid engorgement. (1L/ day, make a batch in the morning 2/3 tea bags in 1 liter of water and drink this instead of water)
If you don't suffer from blocked ducked, you can try to get 1 feed out of 2 per day, obviously at 15 months that will go quite quickly. If very sensitive, Take out 1 feed/day and wait untill you feel confortable again before cutting another feed.

Try to relax and not stress about it. Your baby will feel that. If you think it has to be done and do it naturally, he will think it is normal and take it well. Good luck

I ended up going cold turkey with my DD - not my first choice but turned out to be the only way in the end.

Can your DH take any time off work? We did the worst over a long weekend when DH was off and so he could go to her first thing in the morning and take her downstairs - normally she would have come into bed with me for a massive feed. He also put her to bed at night (also a massive feed time) and went to her in the night if she woke up (which she did lots - never one to miss an opportunity for milk!). It meant that he was shattered, but it worked.

We also did chocolate when she'd had a bump of scrap, or was just generally grouchy. Extreme measures for extreme circumstances!

DD had also had a large feed to go to sleep in the day, so we had to tire her out and then push her around in the pushchair to get her to sleep.

With those three things, we had covered every circumstance when she would really like milk, and found an alternative. She did cling to me and cry, and try to pull off my clothes. You will need to have a will of iron. But I stuck to it and we got through it.

Do you have any RL friends that you could talk to about the emotional side of giving up? Or you could post here. It was hard for me to see her upset when I knew that I could soothe her instantly with breastmilk. But we got through, and, to be honest, I am much happier to have her weaned. It was really taking a lot out of me to have a toddler feeding all day.

Good luck.

Oh! One last thing - if your DS feeds as much as my DD did then you will get very engorged. I had to hand express in the shower and take neurofen to take the edge off until my supply decreased.

OK, in that case I offer you the best of luck & apologies for being of no use whatsoever

Hello. I'm truly sorry you are going through this. I had to stop feeding my DS2 at 16months. I had two weeks to do it. I too exhausted every avenue and there was absolutely no choice for me.

As far as I can recall this is what I did.

Stage 1 - stop all feeds "during the day" leaving bed time, nap time and wake up. Start limiting other feeds but don't end completely. Ensure dressed all the time in inaccessible clothes. Change daily routine/activities to signal change afoot generally.

Stage 2 - arrange life around falling to sleep for nap by other means every time - car, pushchair, sling.

Stage 3 - drop wake up feed, and zoom off downstairs with Daddy for breakfast fun on waking.

Stage 4 - drop bedtime feed.

Stage 5 - drink shedloads of sage and peppermint tea. Sage helped dry up milk, peppermint to cool any engorgement.

Stage 6 - keep breasts hidden and inaccessible for a while.

I was truly traumatised by all of this but my son was absolutely fine, and I had no engorgement or breast problems.

I talked to my son about what was happening and why. I can't imagine he understood everything I said but I'm sure he understood the main thrust of "no more mummy milk".

Oh, and be careful who you talk to about this IRL. I was about to sob on one friend about how sad I was about having to give up and she revealed that she'd cried every day until her son was one because she had been unable to breastfeed him. Make sure you're not going to traumatise your friends too!

Oh, I forgot to talk about night-time. I'd been unwell for a while before I had to stop so we had already limited night-time feeds. Conveniently we moved house giving him his own bedroom just as I needed to stop.

So we made a big show of his room and his cot and his special sleeping place. His brother already had a sippy cup of water in bed so he thought this was normal.

Your DH will have to go to him at night, as the others have said.

Thanks for sharing all these experiences. I know I am privileged to have been able to breastfeed this long (although it has been v hard work) but it's still heart breaking...

Hmm I am puzzled that everyone seems to think I should cut day feeds first as I had in the meantime come to the conclusion of cutting nights first. Firstly because it will be the most difficult (I don't expect any sleep whatsoever all night for who knows how long and baby will be distraught, cannot even "distract" as meant to sleep) and I thought it would be nice that I could then compensate through nice breastfeeds during day time. And secondly because I feel that even if there were no problems at all, it would be reasonable at this age to decide to night-wean?!

Does this sound like a completely bad plan?

P.S. No worries about not being "useful" jemjabella, it's good to check because very right many people are, sadly, given wrong advice about breastfeeding.

A good plan is one YOU can follow through. So if you think you will be firmer on the night feeds then yes, do that.

I forgot that I left bedtime feed til last... So daytime feeds, then night-time feeds then I think it was the bedtime feed that took 3 days before he wasn't really asking for it (maybe was a bit rose-tinted earlier!).

you can distract at night by
-singing
-sshing
-cuddling
-rocking
-cradling
-talking
-offering water
You will find something new that works, honestly...

My ds who is a boob fiend seems to be fine if he is at his grandma's or I am away for the night and only goes bananas if I am there and not feeding him, so perhaps try sleeping in a different room and letting DP deal with all nocturnal shenanigans.

I went away to a conference when he was 16 months, my first night away, worried about it, got home and was told he was fine, Dh gave him a drink of milk as soon as he woke up and let him cuddle up in bed with him. After that DS started sleeping thru the night. Also worried like mad about him going to Grans as he had a wakeful week beforehand to be told that he slept thru fine, just stirring twice. They are generally little buggers who know just enough to get exactly what thet want all of the time. I hope its not too hard for you, I still have not worked out the best way to stop, just bear in mind that tho he will strop and make you suffer he wont actually remember it when he's bigger.

We night weaned first for the reasons you state. However, although he was easily settled without after a couple of nights, he continued to ask for a feed every time he woke until we stopped the daytime feeds 9 months later! He was v stubborn keen, mind.

It doesn't sound like a bad plan at all- whilst it is really useful to hear how other people did it, you know your DS best. It usually involves a bit of trial and error anyway- the important thing is to remember that they are ungrateful, shiftless wretches DS won't be breaking his heart over it. After an initial protest, he will be fine and just get on with it.

I hope it isn't too hard on you- you have no choice in the matter which must be hard but 15 months is fab. Good luck.

I can take the rage from the baby (I mean it's hard but I think I can deal with that) but not the terrible sadness... So perhaps I should hope to get rage rather than the desperate exhausted crocodile tears.

At the same time, I guess this could be considered a "luxury" problem, having been able to be literally skin-to-skin with my baby every night of its life until 15 months (i.e., no hospitalisations, illness or other) and to breastfeed... Other babies have to cope with much worse things than being weaned. This helps on a rational level, but still doesn't stop the infinite sadness that even thinking about this makes me feel. Still, I will have to start soon. Thanks for all the encouragement! More tips are still welcome!!