I am fed up breastfeeding, feel guilty and need a hug :(

[cordelia28]

I am really tired and fed up

DS is 9 months old and a joy, but I am so tired and fed up of breastfeeding. None of my friends breastfeed and so have no real life support so have come on for a moan and a virtual hug!

I fed my DD for 13 months when she self weaned, I loved feeding her, she occasionally took ebm from a bottle so I got the odd break for an evening out in the latter half of her first year, and tbh I was a bit upset when she stopped feeding!

With DS tho I am finding breastfeeding a total chore and I feel so guilty. He is quite a demanding baby. We have struggled with recurring thrush from birth which has been in my milk ducts so have been treating that on and off and has been so painful. He doesnt sleep well at night and still takes at least 2 breastfeeds during the night it is the ONLY thinng that will settle him he has only 'slept through' once since birth. And when he is feeding he is constantly squirming and wriggling pulling my nipple, biting (ouch has had teeth from 4 months), pulling my hair, hitting me and nipping me which is really sore and breastfeeding is just not pleasant. He WILL NOT take a bottle so I can't get a break and at night if dad goes to him he just screams and screams. Even wee things like my friends were going to see sex and the city and I couldn't go because it was at his bed time. (not the end of the world I know but I really wanted a bit of time off out of the house!)

I am totally fed up, totally exhausted and frustrated which is making me feel sooooo guilty. I did this for my DD so why is it so hard for my poor DS??

He feeds 4 times a day (morning, mid morning, mid afternoon and bedtime) and 2 or more times during the night. He eats 3 good meals and an afternoon snack. I am just going in my head 'another 3 months, get to a year then switch to cows milk from a cup' (bottle are a no no) but I don't know if I can make it, just want to cry

Firstly, have a big (non mn) hug and a pat on the back for doing so well so far.

I can totally empathise with you on the night time feeds - I think DD was about 13 months and still having at least one feed in the night, and didn't sleep through until 16 months, so I know how that feels, poor you!

Do you know if there are any local bf support groups near you? The bf counsellors and peer supporters are just as much there for people like you who are in need of support as the new mums - there are a host of issues with extended bfing which are just as valid, worrying and frustrating. A lot of them will have been through the same thing as you.

Talking about the cup, have you been giving him water in a cup, so that he is used to using it by the time he is 1 and gets cow's milk? It might help you both if he practises with it now, so he is easily able to use the cup.

Oh and if you are able to express, how about trying ebm in a cup?

thankyou so much for replying, am close to tears people have taken the time to read and reply.

He is taking a cup of water during the day, finally got the hang of it. The thought of expressing makes me want to cry pookamoo but I wouldnt be adverse to trying some formual in a cup (cant believe I am saying that I wouldnt have dreamed of giving dd any)

I just want my body back and I am feeling so guilty about it

You have done 9 mths which is fabuluous!! I bf all my DCs and found it hard work each time. I stopped at 1 yr with DS1, 10 mths with DD2, and about 9 mths with DS3 - with DS3 I had thrush too which is very painful and draining and makes you feel very low, so I totally sympathise. No guilt allowed - you have done brillaintly in really difficult circumstances. Is fine to want your body back - totally understandable. Switch to bottles and formula (get someone else to give the bottle preferably when you aren't there and best of all in another house too - get a friend on board to take him to her house and give him a bottle). If not be very firm (very hard when you are feeling low) and wean to a lidded cup with formula - again best if you can get someone else to do it. Don't get into trying to do exactly the same for each of your children - it's impossible as they will need different things and your relationship with each one will be different too - not better or worse, just different. Best wishes!

Have a massive hug from me. Although, it's pretty warm today so a virtual Cornetto might be nicer.

You ought to feel proud of yourself. Truly.

Your DS needs a happy Mummy most of all, so do what you need to do and don't feel guilty at all.

Big Hugs xxx

Thanks for your replies I really appreciate it last was really good only up once at 4 for an hour so not feeling as tired and emotional. Don't know what I am going to do about the nights but the cup offormula During the day and bfing morning and night sounds good and may be just the compromise I need to stop me throwing the towel in all together. Magdelena I know what you are saying about the cuddles but I am actually beginning to resent and not enjoy bfing because of the hitting and nipping lov all the other cuuddles though!

All good advice given already, but just wanted to give you a big hug and say I know exactly where you are coming from. I was in the same position with DS1 and the only time I ventured out for an evening meal DH had to call me back at 10 as DS had woken up and was distraught his milk supply had gone walkabout.

I did manage to persevere (just), but will have to wait and see how things go with DS2 when we reach that point (just 4 days old atm, so a long wait anyway!).

Whatever you decide, 9 months is such a brilliant start especially considering all the challenges you have faced along the way. Remember, you are not alone in how you are feeling.

this sounds so familiar except I am not at the point you are, probably because my 8 month old is my first. the nipping, scraping, clawing is something else isn't it? my right boob is the ONLY thing that can get my little girl to sleep and I have no idea what to do about it. so we just keep muddling on!