Tell me about benefits of ebf - having a wobble

[dorisbonkers]

I'm having a hard time at the moment with my 19 month old DD. Until a month ago she was fed on demand but the constant demands when we were out and about got me down. So I decided to 'day wean' her and only feed before dinner.

I co-sleep and feed to sleep and feed her maybe 3-4 times a night and she often does a lazy hour or two of suckling in the morning. At least I get a lie in of sorts.

Anyway, planned to continue to cut the day feeds down slowly over the next couple of months and tried nightweaning (12am-6am). Disaster. I then tried to switch to cutting out the pre-dinner feed, but dinner was a disaster with her screaming and wracked with sobs and chucking meatballs on the ceiling. I work three days a week and DH looks after her then (he works part time as well) and I think she really wants to reconnect.

Now, I can take a tantrum, I can take a bit of upset, but this seemed to cross a line -- a line I don't think I'm happy to cross now.

So I'll give it some more time and will resign myself to night feeds and predinner feeds.

I suppose I need some encouragement -- what IS good about continuing feeding into toddlerhood. Just so I can get through these months NOT feeling like a doormat or a muppet.

I'm scared that if I do stop at this time I lose a major parenting toll and will have to cope with her bouncing out of bed at 5.30am or taking 2-3 hours to go to sleep.

They don't tell you how to stop, do they.

I need to go and make lunch so posting quickly.

Stopping at 30 months meant DD1 and I could discuss the decision. She had an understanding which made it so much easier.
Also, she was hospitalised at 28 months and had a horrid time. It was a massive comfort to both of us.

Probably not all that helpful. Sorry. I hope you get some better replies.

major parenting 'tool', sorry.

Should explain that the cutting the day feeds was kind of ok really. Minor upset, a lot of 'I want booby now, please booby now, can mouse please have booby now, booby is for beddiebyes, let's have beddiebyes now' sort of whinging.

But cutting out the night feeds or the predinner one. Nightmare.

thanks Puzzle, yep makes sense. but she does understand and has done for ages. she just doesn't like the explanation!

I'm not clear on what exactly you are trying to get to. Do you want to wean her completely? night wean?

My experience was that I had to be more than clear in my mind what I wanted, explain it ad nauseam and keep coming back to it. I always gave in if he seemed too distressed, but kept talking about it and then tried again a few days later.

basically I want to slowly wean off completely but am flexible on the timing. I can wait.

I haven't had a period and don't sleep with my husband and get fractured nights. That why I planned to nightwean. But since it was so horrible I'm doubting my decision and so will continue with feeding for a month or two (or even longer)

I need some positives from people so I can look on the bright side.

Sometimes I think fighting it is harder. I've been more stressed and angry and frustrated with her feeding and think I need to re-accept it a bit, focus on the good bits (fewer tantrums, at least SOME sleep...) and just wanted some friendly, positive views on extended feeding.

Thanks

Well I didn't manage to fully wean until ds was 2.7ys old (and I was pg again) but by the end had it down to bedtime feed only.

The way we managed the night weaning was to talk about how tired I was and how I needed to rest. When he woke up between 12-6 I explained that I was too tired to feed and that I would give him lots of cuddles. I let him cry a bit, but if he got really distressed I would say that although I was very tired I would feed him only because he was so upset. Then the next morning would talk about what had happened - on nights where he did not feed he got a big fuss in the morning over being so helpful to mummy, on nights when he did we repeated that mummy was very tired today. Dh also talked a lot about it during the days when he was with ds.

I can't remember exactly how long it took but it was a good few weeks.

The main benefit of ebf to me was the fact that it made bedtimes so painless - I remember friends with similar aged dc marvelling at ds' willingness to go to bed. He'd positively bound up the stairs as soon as I said it was bedtime and fell asleep really fast.

Thanks ib, yes that does help. I suppose at least I KNOW I will get some sleep and that I can lie in til 8am and that I lose that certainty if I wean.

Also doing things in his own time rather than mine does seem to have made him so much more secure - when I eventually got pg and was finding bf uncomfortable he just said 'mummy milk is for the tiny baby now' and stopped bf for good.

He has never shown the tiniest bit of jealousy for ds2 - he just laughs when ds2 is being demanding and says 'he probably wants mummy milk. He has mummy milk all the time, just like I used to.'

I weaned DS at about 19 months in a few distinct stages. Cut down day feeds until it was just morning and night (was before bed, but you could keep pre-dinner as well). He was ok with that. He had been waking up to 5 times per night wanting to be fed back to sleep and I was exhausted, so we tackled that next.

I told him what was going to happen: I will feed you before bed and you will go to sleep. If you wake up Daddy will come and see you and help you settle down. In the morning there will be milk from mummy.

DH and I agreed that for 5 straight nights if he woke in the night he would only get DH, not me. If he was a total nightmare I would get up early (5am) and take over so DH could get a couple more hours before work. It worked in two nights - virtually no crying. We felt a bit daft for not trying something similar sooner...

When we eventually weaned completely it was almost by accident - DH put him to bed one night and he went to sleep without a feed, then he dropped the morning feed, then he didn't ask for an evening feed... was all finished fairly painlessly (on all sides) by 21 months. I'd originally thought I'd feed him till he was 2, but this was so gentle it didn't feel like it was too early to stop.

HTH.