I think bf makes me depressed?

[pamelat]

Breast fed DD 2 years ago for 5 months, never liked it. She went from 20% percentile to 90% which everyone thought was fab but was basically because she fed constantly and cried unless fed. So it meant no sleep for me and feeding all day.

Anyway I stuck with it because of health benefits etc and because it never hurt me, I always kind of wished it did

DS is only 11 days. Week one was brilliant, eeding two hourly and then waking twice at night.

Really struggling last few days. Two hourly feeds 24/7 so not much rest and toddler to care for. Also worse is that from 5pm until 9pm he just feeds constantly, which coincides with dD's bed time so I miss her too

I feel very low and tearful nd just dont want to bf, am wondering whether hormonally it causes this?

I am currently giving him 40ml of formula which he is wolfing down despite 2 hour bf

MW says latch good etc and gaining weight

I just think bf is making me depressed

I am going to stick by neck out here and get flamed but I sympathize- I hated breastfeeding for much the same reasons as you. The fact I was POWs (wrongly as I didn't have mastitis ) full of antibiotics that made me and dd feel rough. The fact that I had no support despite repeated calls to laleche nct etc. Have discussed how miserable it made me in therapy - that is how much I loathed the experience.

Managed for a couple of months so am in awe of how you stuck it .

I can't tell you what to do but only say that you aren't alone in your experience.

YAB very honest pamelat and i bet there are loads of women out there who feel the same way. The newborn constant feeding thing must be hard with a DD who needs you too. It does get better though doesn't it? ie the feeds spread out. It depends how much it matters to you that you bf. Are you sure he's hungry and not just comforting on your breast?(have you tried dummy?) Also worth considering that the formula might not help your milk supply keep up with his needs in the long run if you continue to bf.

Thank you. I do want to do it, but feel really down and feel that would enjoy my baby more if I mixed fed. As I have said, I have "given in " tonight and given a top up of formula, mainly as DH said it was silly to sit for 2 hours and feed and sob

cant be good for baby for mum to be unhappy?

i want to be one of these people who can spend all day 100% dedicated to feeding their LO but seriously I am rubbish at it, and am resenting time away from my DD, or at least time away from doing the things I want to with her. I feel quite hormonal about how its no longer just me and her anyway despite loving DS a lot.

I hate the fact that he is fretful/hungry from 5pm and that despite hours of feeds I cant satisfy him

ps I am also bf and have stuck it out for 3 months so far - I have a real mix of feelings towards bf - loving it sometimes and hating it at other times. And feeling guilty about even the thought of stopping. If you decide to stop bf you mustn't feel guilty - hard i know as there is a real bf brigade in the health professional community,

Sweet heart I know just how you feel. The combination of the hormones with breast feeding the pressure on you and the demands on your body are a lot to deal with. Combine that with severe sleep deprivation and dealing with a toddler and it can be a recipe for post-natal depression.
Ultimately I know that a happy mummy makes for happy children. Breast feeding isn't the be all. Don't feel any pressure to carry on.
Is it worth talking to a gp about post-natal depression or do you think its mostly down to lack of sleep?

I did try a dummy as one midwife said he very sucky and not hungry. He spits it out. I tried to hold it in but that somehow feels terrible.

I just feel that I was so upbeat in week one and that now I feel its all gone wrong like it did with DD. Once DD was 6 months and on solids life was a thousand times better but I dont want to wish 6 months away and also its a very long time to wait.

I will keep breast feeding up but I really dont want to and I wondered if that was normal???

He is still fretful after the 40ml of formula and seems hungry still ......

pps i mix feed and it's much better! I put her on the breast at each feed for 20 mins then give a little bit of formula. TBH I felt really guilty about not exclusively feeding for a few weeks but now think it's the best of both worlds. i also found it hard to get advice on combi feeding but there is some on the net if you look for it.

Thank you all for being kind (so far!)

I feel I can cope during the day and even the night but not from 5-10pm.

I think if he was feeding and happy/settled I could do it but he is so unsettled that it feels that am not achieving anything/not giving him what he wants/missing DD/exhausted.

Ozgal - how do you mix feed?

I would really like to feed DS formula at 6pm ish so that he hopefully settles, or I can at least rule out hunger and give him to DH, so that I can do DD's bed time.

I will also get flamed but I understand how you feel.

I have just stopped b'fing DS (he's almost 6 months) and he has never been happier - and neither have I. He's above the top centile line and is around 24lb and fed constantly.

He was ebf'd for the first 10 weeks and was feeding 2 hourly maximum day and night and more usually, every 40 mins. I was exhausted, drained and resentful. I have a toddler as well and she was getting no attention and became a real handful.

DS had a full bottle of formula at 7pm from 10 weeks to avoid the hideous constant cluster feeding all evening but the basic fact is, the more formula he had, the more content he was.

I've done my bit. I still feel guilty but I have to do what is best for my whole family and for me, I really couldn't face doing any more.

i think it did contribute to my pnd, but for me the benefits outweighed the feelings and i went on to bf for nearly two years as ds was dairy intolerant. what i found helpful was taking magnesium supplements and sunflower seeds to balance hormones and help me sleep/relax.

My DD used to feed constantly from about 4pm to 9.30ish every day untill just before 3mths. My DH could distract her just long enough for me to read my DS a bedtime story every other night but its not easy.
You sound a bit unclear as to what you want. In one breath you say you'll stick with the bf and in the other your saying you really don't want to do it anymore.
Think about it a bit longer. Because you've potentially got another 5 or more months of feeling this way.

It was a bit of a nightmare to get it right tbh but we are in a good routine now.

I started by offering both breasts for a short time (eg 15 mins) at every feed then a bottle - I now give DD alternate breasts at every feed then offer her a bottle.

At first she was on the breast/s for 30 mins and now it's down to 20ish and she comes off when there's no milk left or I take her off when she's finished drinking and started comforting! Then I offer a bottle (I don't offer as much as she'd have on a pure ff - eg I offer 4 ounces where she would be on 6oz for a pure ff at her age, she usually doesn't take it all but sometimes does.)
This was kind of trial and error but i offered less formula at first so my milk would keep up. This works fine with DD as she stops when she's had enough although I have heard some babies take all the bottle you offer so keep an eye on the weight gain).

The only exception is the 10/11pm feed - at about 10 weeks I started to give her just formula (DH does this) and I express about 10pm and give her that milk in one of her bottles the next day.

See what others say. This has worked for me but downsides are that I didn't ever get my own milk supply to be very high and I still have to sterilise etc.

i really relate to your comment about it being a crying matter - my reason for starting combi was my milk didn't come in til day 10 (and still not the great engorgement I was expecting) DH was supportive about the decision to combi feed - he also said it's better for DD if I am happy and more rested.

bumbums - you're right I am unclear.

I dont want do keep doing it if its like this but I feel guilty and I fear that it may get easier soon and then I will regret it.

Who knows? I am confused.

I am off to bed. DH is sending me away as he says DS cant be that hungry and he will take him a walk for an hour. He is so much stronger than me. I seem to break down and cry and he sees longer term and can be the rational one.

I would love to mix feed but dont know enough about it, as presumably then they still get all the health benefits too? I need to read up about it.

When he stops the cluster feeding and goes to bed at a normal time it'll be soo much easier. It should calm down between 3-4mths.

Untill then maybe try giving your DD her main meal at lunch time so you can do a quicker meal at t time. I remember sitting on my DS bedroom floor reading him a story and bf my DD. Crazy!

Remember that the demand that he puts on your milk supply in the evening is how your supply is set up for the next 24hrs. Interupting the cluster feeding with formula could adversly effect your milk supply.

Keep the faith. It does get better.

pamelat - This isn't a decision you need to make right now. Feeds do start spacing out, so just go with the flow (no pun intended!) and take it a day at a time.

Are you able to feed lying on your side? My babies have all cluster fed all evening, and I make the most of lying down, watching tv or reading, with DH fetching and carrying for me. Earlier in the evening it can be touch - I mastered feeding the baby inside a wrap sling, so I could put my older children to bed at the same time.

was just going to suggest that DH take him for a walk in the eve so you can see to DD's bedtime, but I see he's taking him anyway. could you maybe try this for a few evenings, try space it so as soon as DS has a feed, DH takes him out for a walk, then you can do bedtime with DD without worrying he will cry for you. It's tricky, as whilst they do cluster feed in the eve, equally, the breast is the main comfort they know at this stage, so it's instinct for you to feed him, but he will soon learn you can both comfort him in other ways too - esp. if DH can take him out for a walk in a baby carrier, so he's close to him.

I felt similar to you, DS was 2 when DD arrived last April. Luckily he'd got used to DH doing bedtimes, whilst I lounged in the bath towards the end of my pregnancy, so I'd sit with DD downstairs cluster feeding, whilst DH did bedtime with DS, and by 10weeks DD was going up to bed at the same time as DS, (not I hasten to add sleeping through - and still not now ) and I'd feed her then put her down and still be able to go in and read DS a story. I honestly didn't think I'd get through a month of feeding DD and now at 13months she's still going strong (altho' I'm doing my best to bring it to an end!).

Nobody tells you how difficult BF can be - especially 2nd time around, when you already have a child you love and want to also spend time with. I felt guilty towards DS, he seemed to spend a lot of time sitting around in the early days - thank goodness for cbeebies. In fact we've always said we wanted 3 children, but we just don't know how we could do it - there's some primal instinct in me that doesn't seem able to not BF, but I know it's taken up so much of my time in this last year and I've wondered so much how different my life would have been with my little children if I'd mixed-fed. I don't see how I could do it a third time with 2 children to also look after. Some people are very lucky and find it so much easier.

I could never be bothered with expressing this time around, but is that an option for you? say when DH gets home from work, could you express so that you can have a break and he can feed DS EBM from a bottle?