a question for working BF mums

[logrrl]

I BF DS (14months) as soon as we get in the door about 5.30pm. When I pick him up from nursery he gives me the eye straight away. As we are coming up the stairs he gets more and more excited and if I have to change into something I can actually feed him in, he can get quite irate. I am delighted to feed him and reconnect and sit with him for a while and he quite often has a full feed (both sides) and then nods off for a cat nap. None of this is a problem.

The problem is that he won't eat his dinner! I'm assuming it's because he's full up on breastmilk. I am cooking (the night before) a whole variety of lovely things that he has enjoyed in the past (we've done BLW) but to no avail. He has even started crying in his highchair and gesturing for more BF at dinner, which is about 6.30pm. Tonight I sat him on my knee and explained that I was eating my dinner and now was not the time. Weirdly, this seemed to do the trick (distraction I presume?)and he did ask for yoghurt and grapes.

Am I getting annoyed about nothing? I just think he should be eating more-or at least eating one meal a day with his mum and dad.

Any ideas? Do I need to drop this valued hometime feed? Should I just be guided by him?

I would be guided by him. My DS is almost 11m.o. And I went back to work 4 weeks ago, part time. He doesn't like the expressed milk so he gets his milk when I come home at around 6. He eats lots of solids when I'm at work and has lots of milk when I'm with him. He usually refuses to eat his dinner and prefers to have milk. He is a healthy, happy boy and I don't mind if he prefers milk for dinner.

Ds is 13mo and been at nursery 3 days a wk for about 6wks now, the first couple of weeks like yours he couldn't wait to bf as soon as we got in the door (was pulling down my top as I picked him up in the nursery! ) but that has now settled down and provided I give him a cuddle and something to eat (solids) as soon as we get in (and usually something easy/quick to eat first, e.g. yoghurt) then he will be ok and is generally happy to wait for bf until bedtime (c7pm).

While I was happy to do the immediate feed (as like you liked the "reconnecting" element) I found that I then didn't have enough milk for him to have a good bedtiime feed so that's why I've changed it.

I'd say depends on how you feel and if it's early days then maybe it'll change as he gets more settled and doesn't need the bf as much as soon as he gets in. I guess the issue is whether he is actually really hungry in which case feeding him something may work or if he really wants the comfort of bf in which case it probably won't! If you think it's hunger you could try giving him something to eat at 5.30 before his main dinner at 6.30 but which isn't going to be as filling as milk iyswim

thanks you both so much for taking the time to reply! You've given me lots to think about and to try.

I BF mine till about 2 1/2, towards the end she only got milk when I wanted to give it to her. I felt it might have taught her that she couldn't get everything she wanted when she wanted. After a while she got the idea and only had some in the evening after dinner and during the night (and afternoons at the weekend).

I think what you describe is common.

Actually we have had trouble with both DS not wanting to eat their dinner - often they are just too tired from a busy day.

It is very frustrating, especially when you to the effort to cook for them, but often at that age if they have had a full meal at lunchtime, (and then a bf) they might only want snacky stuff - sandwiches/boiled egg etc. for tea.

Could you save the cooking for weekend lunches for the time being?

jama I think you are right and I need to chill out about linking my cooking/eating dinner with some implied emotion!

Unsurprisingly, since I've chilled out about it, he's been eating well (typical!)
Today he consumed
BF
rice krispies
brioche
toast
cows milk
pasta bolognaise
beans
peas
banana
grapes
pear
cheese sandwich
BF
mushroom pie
grapes
BF

He is clearly not fading away and I am as expected, a fool

thanks for the support and ideas everyone.

You are not a fool.

It is great that he has eaten really well today.

We often beat ourselves up when we've been out working because we want to do the best we can in the time we have with our DC.

You are already "still" bf him (I "still" bf DS aged 3+ and have worked since he was 3mths old).

Try not to worry about the rest (easier said than done I know, I am NOT relaxed about this stuff but I know I should be!)