I never ever ever want to breastfeed ds again. Never. Not once.

[YunoYurbubson]

This is so hard. I don't think there is a solution. I am wrung out.

Ds is 24 months. He breastfeeds ALL the time. He breastfeeds all night long, so I never really get much sleep, just doze lying on my side getting a stiff neck and a cold arm.

He is absolutely fine and happy and cheerful when I am not around, but when I enter the room he pesters and whines and is HORRIBLE and wants to breastfeed. I understand that he doesn't mean to be horrible, it is just his lovely way of having a delicious mikly cuddle with mummy who he loves more than anyone. He is utterly distraught when I say no, and I understand why. I would never deny my older daughter her comfort blanket if she needed it. I feel evil denying him his comfort boob.

We tried a sensible, zero tollerance 'No Milkies between bedtime and morning' approach, but after 7 weeks he was still waking and screaming for hours every night, begging for mummy and milkies. He was with dh while screaming, and obviously we offered him water, kept everything calm and dark and hushed and routine and boring. But seriously, 7 weeks later. STILL screaming every night to the point of making himself projectile vomit most nights.

Then we went on holiday and it all came tumbling down anyway.

I am not a fan of CIO or CC, but frankly it has reached the stage where I would do ANYTHING to get a couple of hours sleep. Even so, I really don't think leaving him to cry is an option here because he is such a physical child and works himself into such a rage that I really think he would hurt himself, I can't leave him when he may be vomiting (which he does when he cries) and I think he would just be so furious he wouldn't actually be learning anything.

WHAT DO I DO?

Last night, yet another night of lying semi awake thinking murderous thoughts about my darling litle boy, I was actually fantasising about clobbering him. I wanted to smack him and yell at him to leave me alone. I never would hit him, but my god, sleep deprivation is making me so angry. (Honest, I really wouldn't hit him, I'm only including this because I want to explain how much I can't do this any more).

And it is not just the nights. In the daytime he pulls at my top and whines and whinges. I am using massive distraction (and all of my friends are being so helpful and distracting him too and are on my side).

Also, he is only able to get to sleep by feeding. Actually - DH gets him to sleep, but if I am there it's Milkies or scream / rage / injury / vomit etc. I feel so held to ransom.

And dh works long hours and is out of the house 6am until 8.30pm so realistically he can't do bedtime.

How do I stop feeding this child? Tell me. Please.

No doubt there will be others with better advice but when I had this problem, I had to go cold turkey and stop feeding. It was a relief tbh.

I really feel for you, I understand how wearing this can be but your son sounds like he is very attached and I would put it down to him feeling insecure because of the age he is.

I f a child was clingy then the advice would be to give the child what they need as pushing them away would make them feel worse and prolong the behaviour.

I would suggest doing what he wants for now, giving him plenty of cuddles and reassurance and trying not to give off any annoyed/frustrated vibes as he may be picking up on these and making him more anxious.

I feel that it is a phase and as he grows he will become more secure in himself and need breastfeeding less often but by 'pushing' him before he is ready will only make things worse.

Sorry if this isn't what you want to hear but I think it's just a case of gritting your teeth and getting on with it for now.

I've had similar trouble with my DS who is 20mths now. he co-slept with us up until he was 12mths old and then we tried getting him to sleep in his own bedroom but it just wasn't happening. Crying, screaming you name it so in the end we just accepted that he obviously needs to be with us in our bed for now and no, we don't get a very good nights sleep but we also realise that it won't be forever. He is still only little and the toddler years are very unstable times for them emotionally. Pander to his emotional needs, you'll be making an investment in his well-being, trust me.

I'm just trying to think what supernanny would do...

You poor thing. Sorry I'm no help

well i hate cc or cio. don't believe in that.

what i would do is ask dh to arrange that one friday evening he comes home in time to put him to bed. he does bedtime for next 3 consecutive nights (fri, sat, sun). you're around during the day, giving him lots of lovely cuddles, attention, playing games but NO milk. dh gets up in the night and settles him. he catches up on sleep during the day when you're around. maybe you have to sleep on the sofa or go to a friend. make sure you get a very good night's sleep - ear plugs, whatever.

after 3 days of cold turkey when it's back to the normal routine with any luck you will have the strength to see it through.

that's what i'd suggest anyway.

Honestly, I would go cold turkey as warthog suggests.

You need to think of your emotional needs and your relationship with your son too.

You have done an amazing thing by bfing as long as you have, and if you think it is time to stop, then it probably is.

Better still can your dh take a week of work to put him to bed?

I think once you go down the cold turkey route you musn't back down or else they whole thing will be harder to change.

Perhaps you need to warn your ds that this is going to happen and go out with him and choose a comfort toy together so when you cuddle him it's with the toy too - in fact could you do that for some time before giving up the milk.

I'd do what warthog suggests, infact, thats practically what i did with my DD, however, I had to get DP to take some time off work, it took us nearly a whole week.

I stopped feeding ds at 4 and dd at 3. Yes, it was hard and yes they cried a lot for a few nights but by god it was worth it. You have to be strong and make sure they know it is going to stop. I talked about it during the day so there would be no surprises come night time. I will never ever breastfeed again.

I hated bf by this stage too but if I'm perfectly honest I didn't like it much before then either

Your ds does sound very determined. I really hate to say this because I felt much the same and I know I hated to hear it at the time but your ds will pick up on your ambivalence towards bfeeding and that will make him more determined to ensure he keeps what he needs/wants.

I personally think that the more attached a child is the more fuss he will make on being weaned when he doesn't want to be. He is so used to having his "milkie" needs met he can't conceive that they won't be so keeps on.

What I did with ds was night wean first and I decied that he couldn't have milk between say 12am and 4am or something. I did the nights though and did cuddles and soothing but definitely no milk. I won't lie, it was tough but over time he stopped asking for milk so much at night.

The problem with night weaning though is that as you say, when illness or holidays come along then things slide back again.

Have you tried having the equivalent of a day "baby moon" with him? A day of just c uddling and breastfeeding. Do the opposite of what you are doing now. Keep hugging and holding him and say you will never let him go in a soort jokey way. you may find he starts refuding the breast just because it is being offered so much.

Even now if ds (5 years old) is being clingy I try and remmeber to play the "Never leave mummy" game where I overact hoe much I love hime and cuddle hime and hold him until he wants to be let go (and just a tiny bit longer than that). then I chase him and say I can't live without him and need to cuddle and kiss him all the time. This pretty much works to make him stop bugging me

CCould you try this in the day in combination with nighttime weaning?

You can get tablets from the doctor to dry up your milk. Would it help to do this so that there is no milk there even if you do feed him?

My sil had a very similar problem with her ds. She had the tablets and dried up her milk but let him keep trying for too long and it started again. In the end she ended up putting marmite on her nipples (drastic and icky I know). He disliked the taste so much it stopped him from feeding. Desperate measures and all that...

Let us know how you go on.

I'd do with all 'saying no' to toddlers. Warn in advance, be firm, and reiterate what he CAN have.

So, no (mummy) milk but you can have some water/milk in a cup - here you go (offer). Maybe go and find a cool cup to have his water/milk in. Agree with comfort toy too. But you can comfort him too!

For me, crying with no comfort was never an option so have never done CC or CIO. But I will accept that sometimes they will cry because they want milk! That's ok, and you CAN comfort them and say 'oh I know you want milk, darling. You are a big boy now, have some water.'

I weaned ds off aged 13?14?mths but we still co-slept. Did daytime first, then night-time. Day-time easier to distract I think.

The point is you want to stop bfing. So that means no bfing, not no cuddles, or being nice or even special baby cuddles (my ds likes these and says 'baby!').

I had the same difficulty with both DD2 and DD3. Both wanted to feed all night. I tried gently gently, and it was impossible. So for me, the only solution was cold turkey. Not nice, but very quickly over. No controlled crying, just lots of cuddles but with a duvet firmly preventing access to the breasts.

Dr Jay Gordon's method might be worth a go?

I'm going through this with my 19 month old DD. She's fine when she's being looked after by DH three days a week but will spend all night on my boob and wants frequent feeding int he day.

Three weeks ago I decided to cut the day feeds down so from when we get up (we also share the bed) I simply don't feed her until about 6pm (when I've either got in from work on days I work) and I still feed her to sleep and throughout the night.

I would offer cow's milk, a cuddle and tell her Booby is for bedtime, which she used to repeat to herself like a mantra.

She threw strops, cried (but I held her and cuddled her and told her boobies were resting) and offered chocolate buttons or fruit

Her latest thing is to come to me with her toy mouse or panda and say 'Mummy, can Mouse have some booby please?" Or she'll try to tell me its 'beddibyes now', grinning.

But it was better than I thought and she's got the message.

I am then in a week or so going to drop the pre dinner one, after a few weeks the midnight to six am ones and the last to go will probably be the 8pm bedtime one and the, erm, two hour 6am-8am one!

You have my sympathy. You may need to do this quicker than I am for your sanity. I am comforted byt the fact that although she has tamtrummed, I am close and cuddling her or talked to her. I haven't shut the door and left her.

You have my sympathy. It's very hard when those around you are also criticising you when you actual need a shoulder to cry/sleep on.

I'll let you know how I get on with the Jay Gordon nightweaning.

just star