very unsettled 8 wk old.

[cantthinkofagoodname]

This has already been posted in parenting, but someone suggested I put it here.

I have an 8 week old baby who has only ever gone to sleep in the daytime whilst being cuddled - if we try to put her in her moses basket she wakes and screams, so we have to hold her through all her naps.

Now she is refusing to sleep at all in the daytime without serious persuasion and just screams with exhaustion a lot of the time. She has dark circles under her eyes and I feel terrible for her.

she will only sleep on occasion if she is fed to sleep in my arms or if she is put in her pram or sling and taken for a walk (but as soon as the walk stops she wakes up and screams) As you can imagine it is getting exhausting having to walk her round and round the streets all the time.

At night she used to sleep in her crib under protest, as long as she was fed to sleep in my arms first, but it took so long to get her to settle and I was getting so little sleep we began cosleeping. However I've got the safety jitters about that and have bought a bednest cosleeper crib. But she willl only settle at night with my nipple in her mouth, which means I have to crane my back over the side of the crib until she drops off. She will not take a dummy.

Feeding her to sleep and transferring her to the crib now no longer works as she wakes up in the process.

Does anyone have any suggestions to help her sleep in the day and settle at night?

Another thing that may or may not be related is that she is BF and for the last 4 weeks has had lurid green poo. She is very fussy at feeding and demands little and very often feeds, scratching my breast and hitting it if I try to encourage her to stay on. Might this have something to do with her crying and sleep issues?

the GP told me that green poo was perfectly normal for some babies, as was excessive crying and not sleeping. Is this right? I'm just desperate to help the poor mite!

I suspect that the 2 are linked and I'd definately talk to another GP or get a paed referral. Lurid green poos plus the behaviour you describe mean that I'd want to investigate a cows milk intolerance which would be reaching her through your milk. You may wish to eliminate all milk products from your diet but you'd need an expert to tell you exactly what foods and ingredients you need to avoid and it may take a good few weeks to see the results.

My first had this and behaviour was as you describe.

thanks for the response. I'm at my wits end with a baby who won't settle no matter what and just screams - I spent a lot of last night and today crying - no sleep and the constant screaming is horrendous. I also feel really guilty as though I'm not meeting her needs somehow - I feel like I'm a really shit mum.

How long did it take you to see any improvements? I'm so desperate I'd restrict my diet to plain boiled rice if I thought it would help things!

By the time we discovered the problem DS was FF and reacting like that on formula. The key turning point for us was Cranial Osteopathy, it made a huge and immediate difference, he wasn't the happiest chappy ever but he was about a million times better than he had been. Once we got him on to a suitable formula the change was overnight but I'd definately recommend looking at a) your diet and b) cranial osteopathy. You have my utmost sympathy because I've been there with an incredibly unsettled and screaming baby and it's absolutely soul destroying.

It does pass though, especially if you manage to get to the route of the problem and my DS is now 7 and the most lovely little boy ever.

Oh and do you think stopping the BF would help? I really don't want to (and would prob feel even more of a failure) but I'd do it in a heartbeat if it helped her.

Have you tried swaddling her? She may feel happier with something that smells of you aswell IYSWIM.

yes we've tried swaddling - she screams even more and flails about until we unswaddle her.

I have no idea if stopping BF would help but that would be my last resort, I had stopped with DS for various reasons and regretted it hugely. I wouln't recommend it unless you decide you want to.

My son was like this, it does ease off eventually though but it did take a very long time. You need to stop using your nipple to soothe her though as it will make you sore. If she's not feeding then don't put it near her mouth. She's still very young so I don't think the controlled crying techniques will be the best thing for her. I ended up carrying him around until he was more settled, I wish I'd have tried an osteopath as it was stressful having to carry him around all the time.

The green poo should pass (sorry), it can be normal with bf babies, especially little ones. Pop her to the GP if you are worried though

Thanks for that. the suckling on my nipple thing is the only thing we've found to soothe her at night - (and its not infalliable even then) she doesn't respond to swaddling, rocking, patting, shushing or singing any more. I don't know what else to try other than let her cry. (I've tried it in sheer desperation and its heartbreaking so I don't want to do that again)

I feel so crap. My partner takes her for walks in the evenings to give me a break but I don't think its fair that DP should have to spend entire evenings walking round the streets with our daughter after doing a fulltime job and I feel guilty about that as well. Also we never get to see each other which is making me feel more isolated.

Things are really not going well.

It's early days. They hand you a tiny baby and push you out of the hospital so you can get on with it, they need to come with a haynes manual really.

It sounds like you are doing a great job. What time does she have her last feed before you try and settle her down? It depends on what type of parents you wish to be aswell. There's the carry her about option (in a sling thingy), does she settle in a bouncy chair?

She doesn't really have scheduled feeds - she seems to want feeding most of the time to be honest! She'll have her last feed in bed whilst we try to settle her (vain attempt to feed her to sleep) Last night she woke screaming 8 times in 7 hours and that was with my partner taking her for an hour at 3am so I could get some rest. I gave up at 6am and brought her downstairs.

We've got a vibrating bouncy chair - she'll sit in it wide awake for a few mins looking around, then start howling.

Result! after crying her poor little eyes out for most of the day today she has now fallen asleep in her car seat with the hoover on near her. She will do this occasionally, but only stay asleep for an hour or so, and only if the hoover remains running.

They say that they give you an indication of their temprament when they are this age. My son was laughing at 2 weeks, he wanted to be held constantly. 11 years later he's loving and is like a character out of a monty python movie, he's always happy and chirpy. Sounds like you have a loving child that will like music and noise. You should start soundproofing.

They go through feeding frenzies at about 6, 8 and 12 weeks where they want to feed constantly for a day or so. Her feeding pattern should settle down in between, aim for 3 hours (ish) gaps between the feeds if you can. Have a rest when you can aswell, it's hard!

oh my god I hope the constant screaming isn't her temperament! I don't think I could put up with it for many more days let alone years and years!

She's woken up now

Try a cranial osteopath, you'll probably end up with a completely different baby. Do you have a sling you can carry her around in until you manage to see one? She sounds unhappy rather then needy to be honest.

We use a sling a lot - its one of the only ways she can sleep during the day (see 1st post)

oh god - you think she's unhappy? I've tried everything I can think of to make her happy. I feel like such a shit mum.

You're not a crap mum, she can't tell you what's bothering her so she's crying. It's hard for a parent as it's guess work most of the time. Once you've done the feed/change/wind/baby too hot/baby too cold then there's not alot left. She's unhappy, it isn't anything that you have done or have not done.

You are doing a great job.

I wouldn't worry about her temperament. My son screamed what felt like non-stop for the first 8 weeks but rarely cries now even after a nasty tumble off his bike. Good luck and remember it won't last forever.

The problem with frequent small feeds is twofold. Firstly, it is knackering for you. Secondly, she gets mainly fore milk, which is thirst quenching, but does not fill you up for long, rather than the hind milk, which is richer and will keep her satisfied.

If she is growing OK, then there is probably nothing much wrong.

I would try making her wait for a feed so that she is actually hungry when she latches on.

BF is best, green poos are normal, cows milk proteins will not be expressed in your milk.

Some kids are just not sleepers. If it helps in my experience they tend to pass physical developmental milestones faster if they are wakeful.

My other advice, get some help - other mums, DP or DH, parents, friends, anyone, so that you get a break. Although you do not believe it now, this is actually a time you will look back on fondly. It is important to make it fun, at least some of the time.

I disagree with belledechocolatefluffybunny about using the breast to pacify/comfort your baby - that is ultimately what they're there for (feeding, nursing, comfort, all pretty much the same thing). I have done it with my little girl for the past 6 months and experienced no extra soreness. Providing baby is latched on fine the only thing you have to deal with is the back ache.

Is there anything that could be said to make you re-consider your safety jitters for co-sleeping? I could quote stats at you if you like? ;) I have done it since about week 2, when I discovered that I was far too lazy to keep getting up/moving around to sort out my baby. She's now 27 weeks and I've not squished her just yet. :D It's been my sanity saver throughout.

With the short/frequent feeding, make sure you're not offering the other boob too soon. From the beginning, if my little un had only had a short feed, or if she'd fed within the same hour or so, I'd offer the same boob again just to make sure she was getting plenty of the fattier hindmilk.

I don't know enough about cows milk to be able to tell you if your baby has an intolerance, but I do know what it's like to have a baby that doesn't like to let go of mummy. It's hard work but you will get there.

Thanks so much for that - its very helpful and reassuring. Basically I'm rather overweight (don't smoke or drink though) and have read on some sites that its a bad idea to cosleep if you're fat. Some sites don't mention it as a safety risk, so I'm not sure. I just know I'd never forgive myself if anything happened to her and it would completely ruin the rest of my life.

I was following the cosleeping position advised by UNICEF (baby on her back at boob level, me on side, arm out and knees bent) sleeping fully clothed with no duvet, with me on one side of our double bed and baby in the middle (DP relegated to spare room as she has a mild sleep disorder so its definitely not safe cosleeping all together)

Doing this meant we got loads of sleep as I'd latch her on and drift off. She'd suckle to sleep and as she let go roll back onto her back. We'd sleep soundly until the next feed time. It was perfect, but I'm just too scared to do it now.