20 week old feeding through the ngiht more now than when he was newborn - feeling like a failure

[bluesatinsash]

I'm so tired to even try and post a coherent question but DS2 is 20 weeks old and can go 3-4 hourly during the day BUT the last few weeks and last night as an example he was fed at:

6.45pm (35 mins)
9.45pm (20 mins)
11.55pm (10 mins)
2.30am (10 mins)
4am (10 mins)

He woke to start his day at 6.10am but was happy to lie with me until 7am for feed - neither bloody wonder as he was full of dark o'clock milk.

I've read everything on 4/5 month sleep regression but surely to God he does NOT need this amount of milk?? I'm too scared to try and settle him by other means (rocking him in chair) as he has very loud cry and would wake his brother.

I've tried feeding him more regularly during the day but he is not hungry and ends up snacking.

I'm so very very down about this. Just broke down in front of my Mum there when she came to pick DS1 up for playgroup.

Do I try and re-settle him if he wakes before a 3 hour gap during the night?

He used to go say from 7pm to midnight or 10.30pm to 2am but those days are gone.

DS1 was on bottle at 12 weeks and sleeping through at 16 so have nothing to compare to.

I'm NOT expecting DS2 to sleep through but four night wakings is just unbearable

He was 8lb 3oz at birth and a steady 60 percentile on weight chart, not too huge not too skinny..

HELP!!!!

Hi guys and thanks. Had another 1am/4am/4.30am ready to start his day at 6am stint last night . Poppet - you must have read my mind as DH and me were discussing only this morning him going in if DS2 wakes before a 3 hour stint between night feeds. If he can happily go 4 hours during the day then surely to goodness he can go at least 3 during the night . We'll try it at least..

Can't nap during the day as DS2 - although a good regular napper - only has 45 mins and I would feel worse and - oh I have an older son

I was thinking about some of the earlier advice about co-sleeping etc. but probably forgot one important thing in that I go back to work in 7 weeks and have to be at least choerent two days a week..

Also going to persevere with giving DS2 a bottle at the feed before midnight. Was at my BF support group this morning and some of the Mum's recomended the NUK teats so after trying TT, Avent and Breastflow going to give them a bash.

that should have read 3am not 4am!

himy ds is 22 weeks and bf/ff and I am weaning him......he was 10lb 110zs at birth so a BIG BOY andis 23lb 2ozs now. He eats and drinks loads but still stirs in the night sometimes!!!!! I dont think how you feed them makes a difference. However I dont feed in the night now just resettle him or just plug his dummy in. i waited till the easter hols when dd who is 8 didnt have to get up for school..... and i wouldnt say i let him cry it out....but i would wait 2 mins then go in and do the same thing every time....plug his dummy in, tuck him in , pat his bum 10 times and shush 10 times...... then leave the room......it took 2 nights till he realised that was all he was getting!!! He doesnt need feeding in the night but thats just him. worth a try perhaps.

OMG, I was you 6 months ago! Sorry, have only read OP but I just have to say that you have my full sympathy as someone who has been through the same thing (although I didn't have another child to look after). I tried all sorts of things and over time it has got better, although ds (10 months) still wakes for 2 night feeds (plus late evening).

I found co sleeping helped get me through the worst although I didn't keep this up long as he got teeth and started biting if we were in this position

At 6m we introduced a bottle of formula in the evenings which made no difference, however by 7.5 months we upped it to 2 or 3 bottles in the night, which was when we turned a corner and he started sleeping for 3-4 hour chunks. I am not encouraging ff over bf, we just found that it seemed to help us!

Lastly, and I know this doesn't sound massively helpful, but I genuinely think I learnt to deal with the broken sleep. Ds improved a bit and I improved a lot in my ability to deal with it.

Of course, your LO may be just going though a phase and learn to sleep better again soon! Remember that it is not your fault. I hate this obsession with good sleeper=good parent. Load of rubbish

Glad thingd are better for you now paranoid and sparky - some good tips but unfort. DS2 doesn't have a dummy. He refused it after a few days...

We did have some progress last night...

I fed DS2 at his normal bedtime (6.45pm) with one wee top up at 7.30pm (he always falls asleep before I can switch boobs). He stirred again at 8m and I settled him without boob (do this normally if I know he has had a good feed). He stirred at 9pm and this time DH went up to him while I sat on my hands in the kitchen... He cried for 5 mins then went back down...

..until midnight! Then only up once more at 3.15am!! Stirred at 5.30am but went back to sleep until 7am and was happy to let me change him before feeding so obviously not starving!

Fluke? Possibly but it shows he does not need all this milk during the night and I have been feeding him as the quickest option to keep him quiet and not wake his brother and it has become what he needs to get back to sleep.

We are going to keep up with the DH settling him if he wakes before a 3-hour gap which I know is easier to do at 9pm than 2am .

Oh and I feel like a new woman today.

poor you. i remember at one stage around that time being so tired i was practically hallucinating - i felt so odd that i almost convinced myself the guy at the coffee shop had spiked my drink cos i felt so out of it (obviously he hadn't!!)

oh and ditch those books immediately - i got the baby whisperer out of the library and nothing has made me feel worse before or since. i read it at the stage you are at now and it just made me feel like a loser and that i was doing everything wrong

Glad you had a good night! Don't be disheartened if it goes tits up tonight- whenever ds has taken a step forward it always starts with the odd random good night which would then gradually increase in frequency.

camflower- tell me about it. Especially her troubleshooting section about correcting the mistakes of 'accidental' parenting

"tits up" - pardon the pun

You are NOT a failure, you're doing BRILLIANTLY. The fact that your baby has changed his routine (...pattern, whatever!), should indicate that things do change, and therefore they WILL change again. Thank goodness for Mums and being able to cry with them, hey??!!!! Everyone has an opinion, and so far (I have my first baby, 6wks old), everyone says something different... about the same topic. I actually wish I'd read nothing in a funny way - at least then you wouldn't have to compare yourself to a perfect scenario and feel like a failure! It's ridiculous. Just do what is right for the time - if that's feeding more often FOR A TIME (because it will change again), then cut yourself some slack - it WILL change again. Hope you're ok x

bluesatinsash hope you had another good night. I'd like to know where all these babies that sleep through the night are!

DD2 is just getting back into 4-6hr chunks of sleeping with the odd 2-hour stint inbetween at 9 1/2 mths after her last growth spurt / teething period.

I know that you have discounted dummy / early weaning (rightly so IMO), but just some anecdotal evidence for you if you need to argue the toss with anyone... DD1 was a terrible sleeper, so following HV advice - firstly "try a dummy" after eventually persuading her that she really did want one, she hated being without (all day as well as at night) and in fact we didn't get rid until she was three. Did it help with her sleeping? No because it falls out at night. HV - ok try weaning her (she was 18 weeks) "as she is a big baby". Made no difference whatsoever.

Things will improve. Honest.

This is so normal at this age. It is just because you are nearing weaning etc. Its the hardest time for bfing. I think everyone goes through it. Which is no help to you now sorry! But try to take it easy it wont last for too long. I would bin all the baby books and just go with it. No point comparing it is normal for your baby! Big hug