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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

About to give up - please help!

10 replies

potatoes · 15/05/2010 18:29

DD is 15 weeks and was into a lovely routine of 2 hourly feeds all day and one night feed until 2 weeks ago.
Now something's gone wrong and we are still feeding 2 hourly all day but with 3 BIG night feeds - at least an hour by the time she's fed, winded and back to sleep.
It's hard-going because I also have 21m DS and feel awful plonking him in front of CBeebies or bribing him with food when we're out and DD is constantly feeding, but it was at least doable when I was getting enough sleep.
I feel we might have got into a vicious circle of huge night feeds - there is definitely huge supply of milk during the night - and silly little snack feeds during the day and don't know how to get out of it.
I've tried expressing during the day so DD can have a big feed at bedtime but don't seem to get much milk, it hasn't made much difference to how long she goes before she wakes for her first feed, and I really can't keep it up as well as look after both kids. I don't think it's a growth spurt as DD hasn't really put on weight any more than normal (she's slid down the centiles since she was born).
Really wanted to BF this time round esp as DD has bad eczema but can't keep this up for another 11 weeks - not fair on DS, DD or DH to have such a knackered, bad-tempered mum/wife!
Any advice would be massively appreciated.

OP posts:
itsruddycold · 15/05/2010 20:19

Aw i really feel for you potatoes..my DS went through the exact same thing at the same age and I felt like I was never going to fill him. But it does get better and it is just a growth spurt- I was considering baby rice and formula and all manner of things but I just kept feeding and slowly he started to eat more and more in the evenings (like he was filling up for the night ahead) and less during the nights.
Do you wake her for a 'dreamfeed' about 11pm? I found that worked really well for us. Also taking DS to a quiet room to feed him during the day ensured he had a much bigger feed and didn't get distracted. i know that might be hard for you though but maybe once your other little one has gone to bed you could try feeding every hour before bed (tanking up) and at least you might get some decent feeds in before she sleeps.
Also make sure you are eating plenty during the day - its easy to skip meals when you are on the go all the time but it will make a big difference to your milk.
I also mastered feeding lying down whilst in bed which made the night feeds a little more bearable and then sometimes dropped off with the wee man beside me which meant i got more sleep.
Hope that helps to reassure you a little bit and I hope it gets better (which it will!)
Good luck

Genevieve123 · 15/05/2010 20:45

Hi, am new to Mumsnet. Have just read your post about your problems breastfeeding.

When I was breastfeeding my first son, he was feeding every two hours. I was exhausted. My mum said it wasn't normal. I eventually gave up when he was just over three months old and I felt very guilty. I felt trapped because by the time I got ready to get out of the house he was due another feed. I went over to bottle feeding and at 7 months he suffered intercerception, which is a blocked bowel, due to me not washing his bottle properly.

A friend of mine breastfed her four girls for a minimum of 18 months, the last one for over two years. I asked her how she managed it. She said she was too lazy to wash bottles. I know how she felt. All four of her daughters are hugely successful and very bright.

With my second child I was determined to go longer. But the same thing happened. I was feeding every two hours and there were only slightly longer gaps in the night. I was exhausted again and my partner worked away so no help there.

Then my sister watched a documentary about hydrogenated vegetable oil (and partially-hydrogenated). As you probably are aware most of the biggest supermarkets have voluntarily banned these ingredients from their own brand food, but it is often still found in other branded foods. Hydrogenated or partially-hydrogenated vegetable oil causes heart disease and also has been linked to cancer. The Food Standards Agency still allows it in our food although it has been banned in the States for years. Hydrogenated vegetable oil also weakens the breast milk, so the baby is constantly hungry.

Stork Margarine is advocated as ideal for baking, but it's second ingredient is hydrogenated vegetable oil. When I was in hospital four years ago they gave me small tubs of Flora margarine for my toast. I asked if they could check the ingredients, and low and behold this heart friendly margarine has hydrogenated vegetable oil in.

I stopped eating anything with this ingredient in and I was going through the night with my daughter with only one feed. During the day she was going four hours between feeds. At Christmas that year, I succumbed to some Quality Street and a couple of mince pies and I regretted it that night. She was feeding practically every hour. I knew then that this ingredient was to blame.

So please check what you are eating. Most processed foods contain trans-fats, which is what hydrogenated vegetable oil is, and which unfortunately we tired mums tend to go for when we have no time to cook and eat properly.

Also, I managed to breastfeed my daughter for 2 years 10 months, and gave up just as I was about to have my last baby, a son. I breastfed him for just short of four years. I know that sounds gross, but after the first six months when they went onto solids, the breastfeeding was just to get them off to sleep rather than for a full feed. It always worked wonders and at the end of all that, as I stopped breastfeeding gradually as opposed to suddenly, my breasts were much bigger and firmed than they have ever been.

I also found that both my youngest never suffered at all from teething problems, which my first son suffered from when I gave up at three months old. They suffered no dribbling, no red cheeks, no temperatures and no snotty noses. Children in the third world are breastfed for the first two years until all their teeth are through and their children do not seem to suffer teething problems.

Another mum I met at swimming club, also made the connection between breast feeding and no teething problems. As she had just given up breastfeeding her baby, and although had no problems with the first teeth, when the back teeth came through she noticed the difference.

Hope this helps.

Scootergrrrl · 15/05/2010 21:02

Are you sure she's actually feeding for the whole time in the night and not sucking for comfort? It's easy to zone out a bit in the middle of the night and not notice the difference, especially when you're knackered.

lou4791 · 15/05/2010 21:18

I know it must be exhausting for you.

I would definitly try co-sleeping with your baby so as to lose as little sleep as possible whilst feeding lying down.

Maybe you could put together an interesting box of quiet toys and books that only comes out for your toddler when you are feeding the baby during the day.That way your toddler could look forward to feeding times too as he gets special quiet time too. You may be able to manage jigsaws or special stories with him.
And, of course, it will get easier as time goes on.

You've done really well to balance it all so far. Keep going. xx

joyjac · 15/05/2010 21:43

Classic growth spurt time. You're already feeding frequently during the day so she may be using the night-time to prime the system and up your milk supply to meet her demand.
You're doing a great job. Kudos to you.

potatoes · 16/05/2010 07:36

Thanks all, suppose I just have to grit my teeth and plod on - just infuriating when FF babies we know of the same age are beginning to sleep through, but it will all be worth it in the end

OP posts:
jemjabella · 16/05/2010 12:04

Chances are you're coming up to the 4 month growth spurt. It's a biggie, but it does get better. Hold on, because you're doing a fabulous job to get this far with another little one to look after at the same time!

Co-sleeping got me through it, but I know that doesn't work for everyone.

BertieBotts · 16/05/2010 15:13

Yes, co-sleeping definitely. Even if you do it part time, ie get up and settle the baby back in the cot, or get your DH to take the baby and settle back in cot. (But doing it full time is probably the most sleep you willget)

Genevieve123 - that hydrogenated fats "weaken breastmilk" is an extraordinary claim, do you have a source for it at all?

And I have to laugh at the idea that breastfeeding prevents teething problems.

chocolateme · 16/05/2010 17:13

My DD started exactly the same thing, it wrecked me BUT I sorted it by giving her a dummy. Not ideal in some peoples eyes but its what worked for me!

shantishanti · 16/05/2010 19:39

This too will pass! Just remember that nothing stays the same for very long with little babies, so chances are if you hang on for a bit things will shift again.

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