New baby due soon and toddler weaned but still asking for bf.

[poguemahone]

DS is 26mo, and despite having his last bf 10 weeks ago, still asks for bf/tries to get into my bra a few times a day. He also tries to have a rummage with other women who get close enough.

The thing is, I'm due DC3 in a couple of weeks and am worried about his reaction to seeing me bf the new baby. I want to make the arrival of DC3 as easy as possible for DS and DD and I'm worried that DS isn't going to understand why the baby gets bf when he's not allowed.

I really don't want to tandem feed and I thought 3 months would be a long enough gap for DS to forget about it, but I was so wrong.

I know now from threads here that when weaning him I should have used the 'don't offer, don't refuse' tactic, so have I physically but not psychologically weaned him? (I gradually cut down on feeds over a couple of months until I stopped altogether.)

Can anyone offer any advice on how to handle DS's reaction to the arrival of a new baby who'll be bf?

Shameless bump

I don't think there is a correct way to wean. Different mothers use different methods with varying success. From what you have written it sounds like he doesn't feel ready to be weaned completely and he is likely to have reacted the same way, whatever the weaning method used.

That is not to say you should start nursing him again, a nursing relationship can only work if both mother and child can find a compromise and if you are sure you don't want to breastfeed him, then that is that.

If you want suggestions on tandem nursing (which does not have to include feeding oldest sibling in demand or even at the same time as the baby) just shout, there are many tandem nursing mums on here. Many of us who had mixed feeling towards nursing two, before we did it IYSWIM.

Sometimes it is just easier to give the older child a couple of short feeds daily and avoid the upset that would occur otherwise.

Good luck.

Thanks Babieseverywhere.

I'm not against tandem feeding per se. The main reason I wanted to stop feeding DS was that the whole thing was so difficult: he wanted to feed at least a dozen times a day, and in between times frequently reached into my/other women's tops. When he's sitting on my lap he likes to have at least one hand in my bra like a security blanket. And the tantrums when I said no to any of this!

A compromise sounds great. I'd have no problem with a couple of short feeds a day but I don't know if it would be that.

On top of LeninGrad excellent ideas.

I found avoiding saying 'No' to nursing requests really helped. I would try to remember to say 'Yes, in five minutes' or 'Yes after lunch'

My DD also responded well if I offered milk when I had 5 minutes, especially if I had to distract her earlier in the day. So I tried to offer when baby DS was asleep at least once, so we got to have a cuddle, nurse and chat just us two.

There are some excellent suggestions on encouraging good nursing manners in your toddler on Kellymom here.
That said my DD has lovely nursing manners yet my DS still insists on putting his hand/arm skin to skin with mine, hence misshaping all my sleeves, sigh.

I do think that sharing my milk, helped my DD accept her new little baby brother and I hope it will help again when DC3 arrives.

Thanks you two.

If DS is really upset I might just have to start feeding him again. I'll try the suggestions above on manners and the kellymom site's great, I'd forgotten all about it.

Have you got/read 'Mothering Your Nursing Toddler' published by LLL? I think there are some good tips there in this sort of situation. I wonder if your DS is just worried that he's not having any boob access at all? He was feeding a lot more than my DS was when I stopped (because of being pregnant!) at 25.5 months, but even so, DS has asked for his 'buda' a few times since then. I've been letting him have a token suck (there is nothing there now, as far as I can see) and it seems to reassure him and takes 5 secs!

But the sitations do seem a bit different, so I appreciate your fears that your DS might just go 'weeee! back on the boob!' and that would be that. Could you try a very quick feed followed by a distraction that will make it worth his while unlatching?

I do feel for you - a really hard position to be in.