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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Embarrassed to breastfeed

27 replies

Meli1 · 09/05/2010 20:36

I find this very awkward and embarrasing - just get flustered and expose far more than i should!! - I fully appreciate that not everyone feels like this but I can't be alone!! Because of this I have just entered the Barclays one small step competition with a possible solution. www.takeonesmallstep.co.uk/Entry/View/3032
Have a look and please tell me what you think. Please note that the garment in the video really is for illustrative purposes only, it would look far more like a normal top and be far more discreet in colour choice - interested in your thoughts, comments about the idea. Know about bebe au lait but still feel exposed!!

And yes, it is a real baby!!

OP posts:
tiktok · 09/05/2010 20:42

Aw, Meli, hats off to you for having a go, but to me, wearing anything special just draws more attention to the whole business...and not many babies beyond the very newborn stage tolerate being plunged into darkness. They want to see their mums

Original poster
Meli1 · 09/05/2010 20:45

Ah - thats the thing - the baby can see you at all times and you the baby as the neck line would have a "boned structure" that would stay in place allowing for constant eye contact. What age do you think you could use it up to??

OP posts:
JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 09/05/2010 20:50

I like it, well done for having a go. If it came in black, beige etc I'd definitely be interested in buying one (especially if it came in two sizes as I'm a larger lady and that would probably be quite tight on me, maybe no room for the baby too)

I like that you can put your arms in too because a lot of the other cover-ups seem to be no better than using a muslin, and like you say this takes away the need for specific feeding clothes, which again are hard to get hold of as a larger lady (as if we don't breastfeed)

GoldenSnitch · 09/05/2010 20:52

But then, say you were sat in a chair at a restaurant - anyone walking past (and therefore higher than you) would be able to see straight down through the boned neckhole and see your baby - and your boob.

I'd be worried about me and baby getting all hot, sweaty and flustered while trying to get sorted. Expecially in the summer

Babieseverywhere · 09/05/2010 20:58

I did use a shawl with a structured neckline for the first few weeks with DD. It was very close to the design of your top and that was on sale 4 years ago.

I found DD started to object to feeding undercover and she could see me via the structured neckline but she wanted to look around as well.

However this didn't bother me as the more I fed in public the more confident I got and I didn't need to use it anymore.

There are many items already available to buy/wear when breastfeeding in public from slings, shawls, oversize hats for babies, all the way to the simple burp cloth over the shoulder.

You might be able to sell a few, however there are far too many similar products already competing for an already small market of shy first time breastfeeding mothers.

HamShine · 09/05/2010 21:00

Hmm. Very mixed feelings - ds would punch his way out of that in no time, and yank the neckline, etc - any fabric he can grab, he will. Also I think the implication in the video is that most people are embarrassed about feeding in public, and phrases like "not exposing more than you should" rather normalise the idea that it is something that should be seen as embarrassing.

That said: bfing rates are low in the UK, and anything that helps women feel more comfortable doing it is likely to be a good thing, I suppose. can't see older babies going for it, tbh. And ds can be distracted in a pitch black room .

Babieseverywhere · 09/05/2010 21:04

Whilst I do think anything which helps shy mums to breastfeed in public is worth while, I do worry that some mothers might feel worse if friends/family buy and expect her to wear such an item.

HamShine · 09/05/2010 21:06

Yes, BE - hadn't considered that. I think that the vest under top trick is still the simplest and best.

LoveBeingAHungParliament · 09/05/2010 21:06

Sorry it reminds me of trying to get changed on a beach with a towel wrapped around me when i was little.

As a non-skinny minny, with norks to make jordan blush it took a fair bit of figuring out to ensure i wasn't flashing everyone in the same room but tbh i wouldn't hvae bought this product.

Babieseverywhere · 09/05/2010 21:08

I keep meaning to do the vest or belly band under the top approach to nursing but forget when I have a young on/off baby. I might try it when number 3 arrives in summer.

thisisyesterday · 09/05/2010 21:14

my initial thoughts are:

already products on the market for this (inc bebe au lait as you say)

you tend to draw more attention to yourself putting on some bizarre garment than you do just sitting and feeding

not sure that it's hugely different than wearing a vest top and a normal top. pull vest down and regular top up...

the marketing of such things almost implies that there is a need to use them ie: that you shouldn't be feeding openly.

i do also agree though that if it helps someone feed in public where they wouldn't hav e done otherwise then that's good

i'll share a quick experience of mine while I'm here thouhg
M&S cafe. bit "upmarket" round here lol, but my cafe of choice
sat a few tables away from another lady with a small baby. my baby starts to root around, so I whip out boob and placate him. carry on eating my lunch, all good.
baby down the way starts to grizzle. Mum pulls out this big bright green shawl, starts to wrap it round herself, has her head under it (and baby)... I am not kidding you, everyone was looking at her. baby getting more and more vocal cue more attention on her. She finally emerges from under this thing looking all red and flustered. sits and feeds

I just think they're so unnecessary!!! I don't think a single person noticed me feeding ds2 in that cafe, and if they had well.. that's ok!

I'd rather we spent our time and energy normalising breastfeeding than inventing ways to stop other people seeing it tbh

thisisyesterday · 09/05/2010 21:15

BE google breastvest too, they look quite good

Mookymoo · 09/05/2010 21:20

Can you elaborate on what you mean about the vest/bump band under top approach? I'm keen for any tips, want something easy for the first few weeks/months, I'm due in 8 wks

Trafficcone · 09/05/2010 21:22

Sorry, no way in a million years am I going to smother my child under a structure that shrieks "i'm ashamed to be breastfeeding"
it's perfectly easy to be discrete with normal clothing.

thisisyesterday · 09/05/2010 21:23

just wear a strappy vest underneath your normal top.

then when you need to feed you can pull your normal top up, and the vest down and you expose no flesh!
I've never been bothered about people seeing my boobs, it's my flabby tummy I want to hide lol

Babieseverywhere · 09/05/2010 21:27

Oh TIY, I like it, A bellyband with straps

Mookymoo · 09/05/2010 21:28

brilliant-thanks!

JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 09/05/2010 21:29

To be fair the op IS talking about women who are embarrassed to breastfeed, not those of you who are quite happy to feed in front of anyone, anywhere. Of course you aren't going to want or need a coverup, in that instance.

Mookymoo · 09/05/2010 21:35

I just personally don't want to attract attention to myself. I don't feel bad about breast feeding but I'm a naturally self conscious person. Then again I don't want to faff about with something specific so I think that vest solution is really good. Not having to flash a whole lower torso will be half the battle, just depends on whether we have a hot summer though as to how comfortable it will be to wear a vest under everything.

We may well have a 'barbecue summer' like last year though (pissing it down!)

Original poster
Meli1 · 09/05/2010 21:41

James and the Giant Banana - thank you. I cannot stress enough also that the video is just illustrative - it wouldn't be bright orange!! and from behind would look like a normal top.

OP posts:
GoldenSnitch · 09/05/2010 21:41

I bought feeding tops from Blooming Marvellous. Tshirts are fab. I prefer them over the vest and normal shirt combo as you don't end up with a whole tshirt bunched up under your chin while you feed which makes it a lot less obvious. I've fed in restaurants with my husband and he's not noticed what I was doing! Even my brother once asked me if I was cuddling DD when in fact I was feeding her sat right next to him.

The only time I've felt exposed feeding in public was when I went out with my Mum and she was desperately trying to cover me with a muslin as I latched DD on. Her stood there waving a muslin around like some sort of demented bullfighter drew far more attention to me than there would have been if she'd just sat quietly. In my experience, random strangers aren't half as interested in watching you feed as you think they might be and don't notice unless you draw attention to yourself - by whipping out and putting on a large fabic tent for example

ReshapeWhileDamp · 09/05/2010 21:42

Sorry, I think the bebe au lait-type shawls are bad enough, with their implications that you need to cover up what you're doing (while at the same time blowing an enormous klaxon, what with the voluminous, loud-print fabric!). But this - it looks a bit like you have to put on protective clothing in order to feed a baby! I know you'd have different colours/patterns and it won't necessarily be Guantanamo Orange .

Ok, I wouldn't use anything like that as long as I lived. Agree re. normalising public breastfeeding, rather than making it seem more secretive. But I do appreciate that you, and some other mothers, might want to use cover-ups. Do I think this is a goer? Sorry, no. I think that if someone is really uncomfortable feeding in public, the bebe au lait-type things are what they're going to go for, and they already have a lot of market credibility. This is a bit odd-looking and I can't see many people wanting to put on a strange top with a rigid neckline like that.

Are you still breastfeeding your own baby? I'm sorry you feel awkward and self-conscious. Was there a particular incident that made you feel that way? TBH, I think the best thing to advise if you feel self-conscious breastfeeding in public is to remember that people aren't all looking, and plug away, keep on doing it, until you suddenly realise it's second nature and not embarrassing you any more.

thisisyesterday · 09/05/2010 21:48

mooky, cardigans are good too, esp long flowy ones as you can just bring the extra fabri up over you

i used them a lot last summer when ds3 was born. just a vest top and a thin floaty cardigan over the top

lovely74 · 09/05/2010 22:05

I've bought a few of the feeding tops with v necks and a double layer with a little hole for your boob. Once DS is latched you can't see anything at all. I stepped into my midwifes office with DS and after chatting for 10 mins, it was only when I said "oh I think he's finished" that she realised that I was feeding.
IME the more normal the top /least amount of material the better. I the very early days I used to latch DS on under a shawl / muslin and always got tangled with the material AND felt that I was drawing attention to myself.
Once you're practiced it's much more subtle to just need to pull something up / down discretely and pop them on than faffing around with "special" pieces of fabric.
OP really good on you for looking for a solution, but I feel this would end up being one of those things that people buy as they think they need it, then use it once and never return to.... Sorry!

LoveBeingAHungParliament · 10/05/2010 09:33

I agree with thisismorning re attitude to bf'ing, I really didn't like most of the dialogue for this reason.