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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

BF & Suicidal - advice/cyber hugs needed!

42 replies

EveLaurensMummy · 07/05/2010 12:03

My ebf 15 week old DD smiles, laughs, squeals and coos, has plenty of wet/dirty nappies and sleeps 5-6 hours at night BUT

She has been gaining just 1-2oz per week for some time and I'm being threatened with referral to a paediatrician. I have followed all the advice and I feed her 10+ times a day but to no avail. I am physically and emotionally spent.

She also fusses alot at some feeds, growling and stiffening as though she is in considerable discomfort and coming on and off the breast. This makes me think my milk is inadequate/flow too slow?

Last night I bought some formula as I was ready to give up, but she wouldn't take it anyway and was quite disgusted with it!
(she will gladly take bottles of expressed bm) Plus the thought of never looking down again to see her feeding from my breast has had me in tears for hours now.

I called the national bf helpline, but was fobbed off with dink more, take vitamins blah, blah.

I just don't know what to do

OP posts:
JackBauerIsZonerrific · 07/05/2010 12:20

Oh poor you, please try not to stress yourself. A referral to a paed could well be helpful, don't discount it. In fact, consider pushing for it asap to put your mind at rest. It's not a referral as they think you are doing something wrong,it's to check on her.
Anecdotally, a friend's baby had very slow weight gain and turned out to be lactose intolerant, but as she was BFing they hadn't realised. She had to go ona dairy free diet and that helped enormously, so it could be as 'simple' as that.
She sounds healthy with alertness and nappies etc but if she isn't gaining weight then there may be a problem.
I don't know a lot about thsi tbh but in your position I thinka referral might be the best thing so that they can check her over and put your mind at rest, don't stop BFing, the weight gain she is getting is down to your milk and you are feeding ehr plenty, don't be disheartened, some babies just gain weight slower.

smallorange · 07/05/2010 12:25

First, you are doing really well. She isn't losing weight and that's good

If I were you, I would be asking for breastfeeding support- is there one at your hospital? Has anyone watched you feed her?

There are some great people on this thread so kerp checking back and you will get good advice, I'm sure.

mummytime · 07/05/2010 12:26

My HVs did this. Do not worry about being referred to a paediatrician. It could be the best thing. I discovered after changing to formula that my paediatrician would have supported breast feeding. They will give you extra support, and maybe able to help in all kinds of ways. They are looking for the best of the child, which BF is usually. They will also be working from the most up to date charts etc.

Also as my SIL said BFing even for a short while gives the baby lots of advantages.

So next time you are threatened with paediatrician say yes please.

Get sleep, you are fine. If you are stressed which is what this is doing then it comes in the milk. Take some me time, relax and try again. Don't do anything but eat, drink, look after yourself and feed baby.
If you still have problems try Le Leche on 0845 120 2918.

Good luck!

cleanandclothed · 07/05/2010 12:26

Don't worry. Take the referral. In all liklihood the paed will say all is fine, carry on as you are. DS crawled along the bottom of the chart (ie below 2nd centile) for 4.5 months, nearly drove me crazy, went to see paed twice and both times they said nothing to worry about, carry on breastfeeding.

Referral only means if there is an issue they want to pick it up early. It certainly doesn't mean 'you need to put weight on this baby at all costs'. If you don't want to, don't use formula until a paediatrician tells you to (which, ime, they won't).

Trafficcone · 07/05/2010 12:28

The Paed may well say "Happy healthy baby who's just a small person" and wish you well. HVs know bugger all about breastfeeding and often get it utterly wrong.
is your baby being measured on the proper BF charts for the red book or is she using the bottle fed standard ones?

daxibaby · 07/05/2010 12:30

Where do you live lovely lady?

Pozzled · 07/05/2010 12:31

It sounds like you are doing a FAB job- be proud of yourself, BFing is not easy.

The slow weight gain could be down to many things, but I agree with JackBauer that you should maybe see a referral as a positive thing. HVs should be treating it as an offer of help, not something to threaten you with.

Could she have silent reflux? Don't know a lot about it, but apparently that can cause a lot of discomfort and is often missed. The lactose intolerance is also a possibility.

With regards to your supply, do you find it easy to express? Do you feel let-downs while feeding? If so, then I wouldn't have thought supply was the problem. Also the fact that she has loads of wet nappies suggests she is getting plenty.

ilovemydogandMrBrown · 07/05/2010 12:35

You know, a referral to a Paediatrician is the best thing! Seems that HVs use it almost like being disciplined, as in, 'you're under a warning,' but actually it's provides a good independent assessment. DS was very underweight and a medical reason was found eventually.

But if you are suicidal, please get help. There are lots of reasons why a new mother with a baby is at wits end. If it's total frustration, then the Paediatrician referral is a great option. Either there is something physically wrong or there isn't, and once that's eliminated, then you can figure out why the weight gain is less than is being expected. It could be that the Paediatrician is happy with the weight as it's continuous gain, rather then losing weight.

Original poster
EveLaurensMummy · 07/05/2010 12:35

Thank you so much everyone. Just sharing it helps loads . DD is plotted on the charts in the red book, but I'm not sure if BF or FF averages. She is just clinging on to the 2nd centile. I've established that latching isn't an issue.

I'm based in Southampton.

OP posts:
omnimandles · 07/05/2010 12:39

I dont agree that stress 'comes in the milk' at all - thats completely wrong - nor does it matter what you are eating and drinking so dont worry too much about that either.

As others have said - you're doing well but take up the offer of the paed as it can reassure/and or find out if anythign else is wrong.

Original poster
EveLaurensMummy · 07/05/2010 12:39

Hi Pozzled,

I can express 4oz in the morning and maybe 2oz later in the day. I don't feel any let down whilst feeding strangeley enough - normally when I'm in a queue at the supermarket!! I have a stinging, painful letdown, so I think that part is working!

OP posts:
TheButterflyParty · 07/05/2010 12:44

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Message withdrawn

Original poster
EveLaurensMummy · 07/05/2010 12:46

Could you please tell me what those are butterfly? I'm trying rugby ball for the first time as I type and all is well so far

OP posts:
spiderlight · 07/05/2010 12:48

No advice, just a ((( hug ))) - you're doing a wonderful job but please do get help if you're feeling so low

Original poster
EveLaurensMummy · 07/05/2010 12:51

Thank you Of course I wouldn't top myself, but I do feel very alone. I don't know any other bf mums and I have to say I'm a bit envious of my friends FF babies and their '4-hourly' feeds and '8oz per week' weight gain

OP posts:
tiktok · 07/05/2010 13:01

Some great stuff on here already (except stress coming in the milk - which is not a helpful thing to say ).

Eating and drinking and vits make no difference to this situation,except to make you feel a bit better possibly - maybe that's what the bf helpline meant. They were not fobbing you off, I'm sure....there is a limit to what a volunteer on the end of a phone can do and a call will not resolve your issues and concerns. They cannot make your baby gain weight

A referral is not a terrible thing. It's a good way of ascertaining your baby is healthy and naturally on the 2nd centile, and if there is an underlying issue which means she could do with more milk, then this would be something you could investigate with the help of a bf specialist. Chances are she is just fine - all babies behave a little bit as you describe, alongside the happiness, cheery smiles and and laughter you're getting too

Original poster
EveLaurensMummy · 07/05/2010 13:04

Thanks Tiktok. I have followed yours and other MNers bf advice over the weeks and am sure I would have quit without it

OP posts:
TheButterflyParty · 07/05/2010 13:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
EveLaurensMummy · 07/05/2010 13:18

Thanks butterfly, I'll look that up. The national bf line put me through to a lovely but completely mad lady! She talked alot about diet/fluids etc and suggested a different feeding position.

TBH Mumsnet has been my bible of late and I have read hundreds of threads giving BF advice, but I think sometimes you just need to talk about it!

OP posts:
tiktok · 07/05/2010 13:32

I'm a bfc, too, and I would not go on about diet/fluids either

Mrs1GeneGenie · 07/05/2010 13:37

I don't live too far away from you and have found the HV's in this area obsessed by weight. I know it is important but when they were concerned about DD's weight they scared the life out of me for no good reason.

As other posts have said a ref to a paed may not be such a bad thing but HV's don't always offer it in the right way. The charts in our area are for FF babies not BF.

Hope this is of some help

Mrs1GeneGenie · 07/05/2010 13:38

p.s was DD born at PA hosp?

trixymalixy · 07/05/2010 13:47

This sounds like my DS. It was incredibly stressful and i was in tears a lot.

In the end it turned out that he had a dairy allergy.

tiktok · 07/05/2010 13:50

MrsGene - are the charts in your area still the older ones, then? (data babies who were ff and bf, no differentiation). Your PCT should have switched them by now!

The newer charts have been available since May 2009. They are for all babies, too, but the data is from bf babies.

Mrs1GeneGenie · 07/05/2010 13:57

They gave out the old chart in our red book at the hosp, my HV was aware of this but thought it would be a waste of paper to change them...

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