Help me explain BF at night to DH!!

[Ladyem]

Apologies if this is a little garbled!!

DS is 8 months old and was EBF until 6 months when weaning started. He still has BF first thing in the morning, sometimes mid-morning if he isn't asleep, and at bed time (plus any night feeds). In the past week I've changed his mid-afternoon BF to a beaker of formula, so have now dropped that feed.

What I am wanting to do is to drop all daytime feeds in exchange for a beaker of formula, and still carry on with the first and last feed of the day, plus night feeds. Then eventually over the next couple of months drop the morning feed and then the evening feed, when both he and I are ready.

My lovely DH has been a huge support in my BFing and very encouraging, but is now gently suggesting that I might want to stop as I am loosing lots of weight, run down and tired (I put this down to running around after a 3 yo and an 8mo!! ) In short, he thinks that the BFing is contributing to my 'health' problems.

I know that I'm not eating as much as I should, but somehow, there is always another mouth to feed before mine! I am trying to remedy this and make sure I have 3 meals and snacks. I do weigh far too little for my height, but have always been a skinny-minny, so I'm not too worried. (And DS is thriving, so I have no worries about the quality of my milk).

So... I need help to reassure DH that:

1. BFing is not causing my weight issues and tiredness.
2. It is possible to continue with the first, last and night time feeds. (He sees this as skewed and not possible to do without getting engorged during the day! But then he is an engineer! )

He is not a bad person, he is just worried about me. I feel a bit that I've BF 2 babies and cannot explain this to him in a way that makes sense! I've just always known that you make whatever your baby needs and as long as you demand feed, there will be enough.

I've tried looking on Kellymom, but I can't find the answers to the Q's he is asking.

TIA

Why do you want to carry on with night feeds?

It's just easier than getting up to make a beaker of formula! !

At 8 months your breasts are more than capable of adapting supply to meet morning/evening/night feeds. As time goes on they can even cope with whole days apart, once the bf relatonship has been going for ages. It is purely a supply and demand thing. If he isn't demanding during the day then the supply will adjust accordingly. It isn't like a machine, it is more delicate and miraculous.

As regards your weight, bf does use calories but it is more likely to be other stuff causing you to be thin- busy life, running around after babies and kids, not findng time to eat properly, etc. Focus more on what you eat and don't forget to eat, that sort of thing.

Why night feeds lastyearsmodel? Can't speak for OP but I still night feed as it is the quickest, easiest way to get DS to go back to sleep. Simple as that. It's not all bad- snuggly bf in the middle of the night is oddly reassuring for me too!

Same here, mrsmotmot, I can be in and out in 10 mins at night!! He barely wakes up and goes straight back down like a dream! Am reluctant to give that up just yet!!

So, must make a concerted effort with the eating. Have even thought of making my lunch the evening before, so I can just grab it whenever! Have been much better than of late, putting extra beans/pulses in everything and having extra chocolate snacks!

The more BM your baby gets the better, WHO says BF till 2yrs so your DH should support you continuing for that reason (I'm not saying you should BF till 2yrs, just that your DH should not be trying to get you to stop at 8m because it is far better for your baby to get BM than synthetic milk).

You will not get too engorged. BFing may be contributing to your weight loss but not your tiredness I woudn't think. Having two kids will be doing that, and also if your diet is not so good perhaps you are lacking in some vitamins/nutrients? Could you add some seeds to your diet eg pumpkin/sesame/linseed? These are superfoods, high in good fats and will help your energy levels and general wellbeing. Do you have any oily fish in your diet? Try to eat fresh food as often as possible, steer clear of processed foods cos they can make you feel tired too.

Can you promise your DH you will eat more? Can you eat a big meal after the kids go to bed when it is not so hectic, and then a snack before bed? Get your DH to make you breakfast in bed as well!

Hmmmmmm, breakfast in bed! I like your thinking!!

Good thinking about a big meal after the DCs are in bed, too!

Just wanted a bit more info on why OP wanted to drop day feeds but not night feeds...

Various people have told me over my bf years that I'll be less tired if I stop, but I've always thought it's the looking after small children that's tiring, not the feeding.

BF probably isn't solely responsible for your weight loss, but it does use up calories, so you might need to up what you're eating. Someone on here said their DH used to leave them a sandwich in the fridge for their lunch, which sounds lovely.

And, as other posters have said, it's certainly possible to continue bf at the times you state. In fact, feeding at night produces a significant amount of prolactin, the hormone that regulates your supply, so that will ensure you keep up with your DS's demands.

For me, bfing past 6mo and beyond was the best - you both know what you're doing and as babies get more active, it's a lovely excuse to spend close time together.

Sorry, I didn't really state why! Basically, for returning to work and studying, so I can leave him in the day and also he isn't that interested in the day any more, where as both he and I like the bedtime and night feeds. Also, I find it much easier to have a little snuggle and feed early in the morning, rather than having to go into the frosty kitchen to get him some milk!! (see, told you I was lazy!!)

I've really enjoyed bfing this time round! It was a bit of a mare with DD for various reasons. DS has taken to it like a dream from the outset.

(BTW am eating my quiche, salad and new potatoes while I type!! Have a nice big cake lined up for when they are in bed!! )

PS, am going to show DH that part about having a sandwich left in the fridge for them!!

Thanks Leningrad! DH does worry about my weight (not sure why, I've always been light). I've always been a string bean, but think that I'm probably not looking after myself as well as I could!

My two pence worth: for six months I did a morning feed only for dd, no others at at all. Never had any supply issues whatsoever.

This from 18 months to two years age for her.

That's good to hear, sunshiney. That's the feed I'll probably drop last as it's so convenient!

I can second those who reckon that your supply will adapt. Ds2 is 5 months and I usually only feed him first thing (trying to get oestrogen levels up to help bladder prolaspse ). However, if he needs an emergency feed (we're out, he wants extra, he needs the comfort, etc.) the supply is there.

Oddly, I've also lost a few pounds since dropping feeds. I put it down to my appetite calming down now that I don't need as many calories.

I worked FT from when DS was 6 months and he only had 1 paltry little bottle of EBM during the day while I was out. He then demand fed the rest of the time. I didn't even leak during the day after a week or two, supply adapts so quickly at that stage.

I would positively encourage the night feeds if he feels you are run down - your baby will still wake even if you're not BFing, but the oxytocin released when you feed helps you get back to sleep really easily

Also meant to say that (imo ) even one little feed is good for you if you enjoy it. Even though ds2 gets most of his nutrients from formula, the close cuddle and time together of his morning breast feed makes me feel more sort of happy (I definitely feel some kind of 'rush' with the letdown). So, from that point of view, it helps with the general tiredness of looking after a baby and a toddler.

Personally, I wouldn't be keen on feeding an 8 month old at night, I would just try and settle them down and maybe offer a drink of water and try to break the habit of night time waking. In my view, being disturbed at night causes tiredness.

funtime - Sorry to hear of your troubles . Good to hear the supply keeps up even just doing one feed. Very encouraging to hear. Also good if they are ill and just want to nurse instead of eating. And I know what you mean about the 'rush'! I get all dreamy feeling!!

Ohfuck - I definitely get to sleep quickly after a night feed! Sometimes I don't think I even wake up properly as I just have a hazy recollection of going into his room!! My milk does seem to have regulated already from dropping the mid-afternoon feed just this weekend. Was feeling a bit full by tea time, but not too bad!

Renerusso - I know what you mean with the nighttime feeding habit, the problem is he doesn't wake every night and when he does he is very hungry/thirsty. I'm happy to give milk feeds at night up until sometime around 12 months when he is very firmly on solids and taking well from a beaker in the day time, both water and milk. Up until then I think that as he wakes at random times, there is no habit and so is just waking for a feed. He goes straight back down afterwards, too.

Just wanted to say that DS still very occasionally wakes in the night because he's hungry - he's nearly 3! It's pretty infrequent these days but just because he's not getting milk any more doesn't mean I haven't had to make a few 3am cheese sandwiches!

Ladyem, I did what you're doing, sort of - I was back at work FT anyway so just stopped expressing milk around 10 months and weaned her onto cow's milk (used up frozen stash first so cow's milk not in full use till 12 months). By 11 months I'd cut out the evening feed and was just doing nights.

From 12-16 months she started sleeping better so night feeds went down to one early morning feed (5am). Now she's not waking till 6/6.30, we've cut that one out too, just this week. She's pushing back on that change, because now she's older she cares more deeply about her routine, but it'll be fine in a day or two.

No engorgement. I was glad to keep breastfeeding at night, it was as you say easier. I was interested that it didn't provide her with an incentive to wake up more often - she cut down on her own terms as she stopped needing the milk.

If your husband is worried, I think really you should be encouraging him to help look after the kids so you get more rest, and maybe lay in snacks or get him to make you sandwiches.

ohfuck - You see, we're automatically lead to believe that no one should want to eat/drink at night time! I remember once as a child not being able to sleep because I really wanted some hot buttered toast!! It was like a craving and I had to have it, then I could sleep!!

tortoiseonthehalfshell - It's good to hear that it worked for you, too! I want to do exactly as you have done and have the morning feed be the last one we drop. Although, I think in reality, he is going to protest more about the bedtime feed as it is the only time he actively tries to get them out himself!! It's like he's saying 'Come on, Mum! Get on with it!!'

Will have to have another chat with DH and see what we can arrange. He works long hours, so is out from 6am until 6.30pm most days so he isn't actually in for any of my or the DCs meal times. I'm totally honest with him, though if I've not managed to eat much during the day or if it's been a bit rubbish like just a cheese sarnie for lunch! He does offer to make me stuff when he's here, so I suppose I'm just going to learn to let him as I usually say 'No, don't worry I'll sort it out!' I think that I need to relinquish some control to him as I feel that I need to do it all because the DCs and the house/meals etc are my job at the minute. But that's another matter...!