Panicking - please talk to me!

[glittermama]

DD now 16 weeks and EBF.She started off just below 91st centile and has slowly made her way to btween 9th and 25th - from 8lb 10 at birth to 12lb at 15 weeks.

She is bf on demand and feeds regularly including twice at night.She only usually feeds for about 10 mins at a time but often hourly.

She is bright,alert and happy.

HV has asked me to come in tmorow to discuss weight,breastfeeding and when I will wean her.Am afraid I will be told to do top ups with formula or early weaning - don't want to do either but what if they say I have to?

Am v down,BFin means so much to me but it seems I am crap at it,or my milk is crap quality,as she is dropping centiles.

I dont mean to be rude - but get a grip- your baby is happy and I assume seeping ok etc - so carry on doing what your doing.

If baby is not happy or the HV has a genuine reason for introducing formula go with that as after all feeding is about doing the best for the baby NOT yourself.

There really is nothing to get yourself worked into a state about.

Sorry just tried to delete my message but cant - I realise i was a bit harsh. But basically I was just trying to say that I think you might be over reacting a little. Listen to what the health visitor has to say then decide yourself. Remember charts are only a guide - every baby is different. But having to bottle feed a baby is far from the end of the world.

You deserve lots of praise for breastfeeding your baby. I doubt very much that you are crap at it, especially as your baby is bright, alert and happy. Please don't beat yourself up! It's worth remembering that not all babies follow the growth charts exactly (my DS dropped a couple of centiles and is fine) although your HV is right to be concerned.

I can't possibly advise you because I'm not qualified (and even if I was, I can't see you and your DS!) - but you could try the national breastfeeding helpline (0300 100 0212). They might be able to signpost you to somebody locally who can help with the breastfeeding side of it.

No wonder you feel down - it sounds like you have got a lot to cope with at the moment. Hope everything goes well... am sending you good thoughts...

Don't worry. In all likelihood it will be a reassuring chat. If you do feel pressured, then make an appointment (or say you will make an appointment) with your GP before changing anything you do now.

Congratulations on the progress so far. Remember there have to be some babies in the lower percentiles, it is a normal range.

oops soph24, yes, that was a little harsh, no wonder you tried to delete it.

glittermama, it's okay to feel what you are feeling - totally understandable in fact! Personally, I do not think you are over-reacting... we are all so hung up about weight charts and centiles that it's difficult not to worry, particularly when you have health professionals telling you to worry.

Nobody can make you top up with formula; they can only give you information. After you have listened to everybody, you can decide what you think is best for your baby.

Thanks everyone for your support and taking the time to answer.

I phoned the national bfing helpline and they were great, pointed out that weight is only one indicator of a healthy baby.

Of course I will always do what is best for her,not myself!! but at this stage I feel that breastfeeding is best for her rather than giving her formula top ups or weaning her early. However if she were desperately unwell/losing weight of course I would do these things.

Helpline suggested she is not getting to the hindmilk as she's not feeding long enough.

That's great, and I'm so glad the helpline was useful. Hope the appointment goes well tomorrow.

Thanks greenbananas. She's put on 2.5 oz in a week which is ok-ish but not great, and I've to try keeping her on for longer as she's just "grazing" just now - hard though as when she's finished she purses her lips and won't go back on!

hello

I am no way an expert but I have a little baby who I was told was failing to thrive since she was three weeks old. She ended up below all the centile lines before we finally got help for her reflux. Anyway...I was told repeatedly to give her formula top ups by paediatricians, then advised to wean her early at 17 weeks...none of which I did.

it took a lot of courage and soul searching but I just knew that she was fine, developing well, she is just not a big baby, simple as that. My husband is tall and lean adn she looks as though she has his body type. Anyway...I went on my instinct...I just honestly didn't think that formula or early weaning were the way to go when I didn't think that there was anything wrong with her.

She is 7 months today, I breastfed exclusively to 6 months and I am now doing baby led weaning. We still see the paediactican every 8 weeks or so...she is stil below the centile lines but is absolutely fine, hitting all milestones just has she has all along and everyone is happy.

It is difficult to know what to do but just wanted to let you know our story.

oh and when she was weighed at 6 and half months she still only weighed 11.6lbs. weight really is only an indicator, she is doing great and is an absolute joy.

my dd was massive (well 9 10, seemed big to me) at birth, fed well, put on weight like she should and didn't hit milestones. sat late, crawled late, still can't walk at nearly 18mths. there's nothing wrong with her at all, but no one was even concerned as she was putting on weight.

except one month she didn't. and the health visitor came to 'have a word' with me. it was awful. i know just how you feel. i was doing my absolute best for my baby, it was good enough but hv had to talk to me, basically to cover her own arse i think. it made me feel awful, luckily she was my second, so i was more thick-skinned than i might have been.

and both of my DDs fed in about 10 minutes, so it may be that she's not getting the hindmilk, or it may be that she's one of the ones who don't weigh much who have to exist otherwise the centile charts wouldn't be right... but it is perfectly possible to have an adequate, satisfying breastfeed in 10 mins, so don't worry if you don't think she's hungry.

and yes, breastfeeding and not being weaned early are definitely what are best for her.

I had issues with HV asking us to top up as DD did not regain birthweight for 4 weeks and droppin 2 centiles. We got help from a local Babycafe rather than the ill informed HV and went on to BF until past her 3rd birthday. I want to encourage you to avoid formula but I do think you might be best to engage with informed support. I am glad to see that you rang the helpline. Suggestions of formula top ups might be effectively countered by an offer to top up with limited amounts of expressed breastmilk etc - but by that age an exclusively BF baby is likely to refuse a bottle anyhow! Night feeds are sometimes considered quite important at this stage so I am encouraged to hear that you are still feeding at night. So many people believe that a baby should sleep straight through at a very young age.
I hope things work out for you (must add that I am not qualified in any way except as a mum who has been there.)

i don't know if this would help but maybe you could express after your DD has finished "grazing" thereby getting the hind milk out - then you could give that by bottle??

but definitely don't worry yourself - a mothers instinct is your strongest tool to assessing whether your DD is thriving and it sounds like your main worry is being given instructions from your HV that you are not comfortable following.

i also think the charts were put together based on FF babies so not that accurate for BFing.

Thanks all.The HV phoned again today and said I've to express and give her 2 x bottles a day so she gets extra. I don't particularly want to give her bottles as she had expressed BM in the early weeks and it affected her latch. But I said I would try it. If that doesn't work - I've to give her formula! That's a good idea about getting the hind milk out. I've also tried really stretching her feeds to 20 minutes each today, blowing on her, delatching her when she looks sleepy and relatching to waken her,etc.

Feel as if I don't have a choice...it's just she seems so happy and well, I don't want to just bulk up her weight for the sake of weight gain if she is thriving in every other way.

get to la leche league/breastfeeding cafe/anyone pro-breastfeeding who can advise you. it is horrible being undermined like this because of course you want what's best for your baby and when a professional tells you what to do it's very hard to know better.

btw i think my 9lb10 DD was down to the 9th centile by a year (and 25th at 6 months), i know much older than your dd, but i never believed she was going to be a 'big-boned' girl and i was right, and she was fed on demand, in fact if anything she was fed when she didn't demand it too.

seriously get some RL help and support, you will be right about this, get someone to confirm it to set your mind at rest.

If you are not happy with you HV advice, then see a GP and/or get a referral to a paediatrician. I am sure they will put your mind at rest that you are doing the best thing possible for you DC.

I read something interesting somewhere about some babies 'catching down' - ie gradually finding their natural centile line, not neccessarily a problem. A brief mention of it here from NCT From your posts it sounds like he is gaining weight, not losing it, just not gaining as fast as he was.

Can't think how best to describe it, EG my DS was bang on 50th centile at birth. Disregarding some early weight loss which was sorted out, he hovered between 9th and 25th centiles for most of his first year.

I would have been surprised if he stayed 50th centile TBH, I am tiny and DD, his older sister is firmly 9th centile - 3 yrs old and fits 18-24m clothes perfectly.

By all means see how you go with the EBM I would definitely seek further advice from one of the BF lines or a baby cafe/breastfeeding person before going down the FF route. FF not the end of the world as PP said, but it doesn't sound neccessary from what you have said so far.

Also at 16 weeks BF will be well established and I would be very surprised at needing to topup for weight concerns at this stage.

Willowstar, that's a great story and well done for being so brave. It's hard to trust your own instincts when you have health professionals giving you their (sometimes dodgy) advice.

Glittermama, I agree very strongly with the mums who have suggested you get in touch with a local breastfeeding group who can support you and give you information so that you feel like you have a choice. Also, I would see a different health visitor!!

I do know how it feels to have the health visitor worrying about your baby's weight. My DS was (and still is) a skinny little thing who dropped to the 9th centile and has stayed there ever since. Trust your baby and trust your instincts!

Are they measuring your DD on the formula fed centile charts in the 'red book' if so you need to get a copy of the proper breastfed charts. I bet she'll come up just fine on them. I'm sure the LLL will know where you
get them from/supply them for you.

they are on the world health organisation website. or they were 4 years ago when i had dd1.

and where we are, apparently, the centile charts in the red book are now the proper breastfed ones. i've not seen them myself though, and they weren't 18 months ago when dd2 was born.

glittermama- You are not crap at breastfeeding, and breast milk doesn't come in various 'qualities'.

I have a very similar story to willowstar's and in fact we have only just got back on the bottom line of those dreadful charts (ds is 27 weeks).

But I know how hard it is to trust your instincts, especially when you are being pressured by your HV.

If you don't want to give her bottles, then try a supplemental nursing system, see here.

Have you tried switch nursing too? Offer one breast and then the other (and even back to the first one again).

You say she is bright, alert and happy, so have confidence in your ability to feed your LO. Weight is just one indicator of how well a baby is doing.

Good luck and don't be bullied by your HV

GLittermama - I'm sure you are trying different things and many on here will not agree with me but when BF my DD as a newborn, I found her feeds took up to 45 minutes, giving one breast for 25 minutes, quick burp, followed by the other breast as top up if hungry - however, by 3 months, i wasn't demand feeding and she was feeding between every 2-3 hours. This def doesn't suit everyone but I wonder if you could possibly push a feed back a little to see if a longer gap between feeds would encourage a fuller, bigger feed. I strongly agree she isn't getting the hind milk. As others have said, it is perfectly possible to do a full feed in 10 minutes, I just found dd to be a bit older than 3 mths before she was doing this - probably nearer 5mths. Also, if it puts your mind at rest at all, I introduced a bottle as well as bf when DD was about this age and it didn't affect her latch at all - by this stage, they seem to be little pros at it!! In fact, it helped when I went back to work because we had no issues getting her to accept breast and bottle. HTH.