Made to feel disgusting for bf my 17m old ds

[katieskids]

Can I ask for your opinions please? I was out at a toddler session today with my ds and 2 children that I childmind. Whilst at the group I was talking to the development worker from the childminding assoc (known her for over 10yrs)when my ds walked over and asked for 'mik,mik' i sat him on my lap and discreetly fed him. Very sharply she asked 'how old?' I replied, she then asked how much longer was I going to feed him. Now this is where I've got no idea as I never set out to feed him for this long, its just happened & I've gone along with it, but pushed to reply I quoted the WHO guidelines of 2yrs. To this she told me about her sister's dd who came in from school and bf at 6 & how she told her sister that it was'disgusting'. I said I wasn't sure how to go about stopping yet and she told me to send him to my parents for the week to 'break him of the habit' or failing that swap children with my friend for the week. At this point I was feeling ambushed, then to put the knife in she said that not only had I put the apron on him but I was also holding the strings??!! Why by feeding him, he is an independent and very determined little boy who loves to challenge himself, what have I done wrong??
I left in floods of tears feeling very rubbish & my confidence has plummeted, I feel a very bad mother and don't want to go out again in case anyone else says the same.
BTW her job is to advise new childminders that they must respect parents wishes, their culture, values and choice - except mine . Am I weird for still bf?

What a rude and obnoxious woman! Its none of her business how long you intend to feed for, its not disgusting and you're not weird.

NO! Of course you are not weird for still breastfeeding. She is the weird one for her hostile attitude. I think you have good grounds for a strongly-worded letter of complaint to the childminding association.

What an unpleasant woman! How dare she impose her twisted opinions on you.

A comfortable and loving breastfeeding relationship with your dc is a wonderful thing. Unfortunately some people cannot see past their own boobs.

Please don't let this nasty person upset you so much. You are giving your son a wonderful thing, not tying him up in the apron strings at all.

Feed him for as long as you and he want.

What a nasty twisted old fucker.
How dare she?
If it was me, I would write a letter of complaint to the organisation she operates with.

Unbelievable that women have to put up with this crap!

oh that is awful - poor you.
No you are not weird at all & you're are doing a great thing for your son.
This woman sounds like an absolute maniac/tyrant - and should not be taken seriously. Why she is running around attacking innocent Mum's like this who knows.

Please don't let this crazy bitch dent your confidence!!!!

katieskids - I can totally understand why you felt so upset. You have a number of options

• speaking to her, when you are confident you can do it without crumbling, and explaining to her how rude she was
• making an official complaint about her to the association - this can only be done if she was at the group in an official capacity, though, I think...her private conversations can't really be used as a basis for a complaint
• writing to her with some relevant literature to educate her

Remember: people can upset and anger you, but they cannot make you feel 'disgusting' or 'a bad mother'....you know you are not disgusting or bad or weird or anything else she might have let you know she thought.

I think you do need to do something to challenge her, though. It's horrifying to think she might share her strange ideas with other mothers.

Your little boy is lucky to have a mother who takes his normal and healthy needs so seriously

You had the extreme misfortune to run into a rude woman with Problems That Go Far Beyond Lack Of Social Skills. 'Disgusting' is a word that very suppressed people use when referring to breastfeeding.

"Why do you want to know?" is the answer to questions of this kind.

Feel good about breastfeeding your 17 mo -- there are lots and lots of mothers who do this, and it's a great thing for them and their children. You are not weird, you are doing a great job that will benefit your child in so many ways. You have done nothing wrong.

She owes you a huge apology for laying into you like that with her ignorance and prejudices.

How rude! Your bf relationship is yours and yours alone, it is none of her business! There is nothing even remotely out of the ordinary about bf at 17 months (well, sadly there is but there shouldn't be). You are fantastic. I think once you have composed yourself you should make a complaint though, she should not be bringing her personal opinion into things and should be supportive of guidelines as well as parental choices.

Massively cross posted since the phone rang before I pressed post!

You are not wierd and she obviously has a chip on her shoulder or "issues" with bf.

You are doing what's best and feels (and IS) natural to you and your child.

Try to ignore and move on.

Good luck.

Disgusting behaviour is someone who ought to know better insulting another woman's (perfectly reasonable) parenting and undermining her confidence. One of you should have felt ashamed after that conversation but it certainly wasn't you.

If you want to, next time you could point out that research suggests that children who are breastfed for longer are healthier, more sociable and more independent. But you don't have to defend yourself.

I bf DS to 3.2 and DD to 21 months, both self-weaned, both are very happy independent sould without a hint of apron strings about them.

oh my god how awful of her!

I think it's great you wrote this thread because you've got it recorded here in black and white - and I think use it to help you write a letter of complaint about her. She really, really went way beyond her 'professional' boundaries here and aired some very nasty prejudices which simply can't sit well with her role as a CM 'development worker' - by definition she's probably dealing with a large number of mums with young kids, many of whom will be BFing as well.

I really hope you do write. And hope you feel better soon - don't let her affect your mood, she's ridiculous!

Wow! Went away after pouring it all out on here and come back to so much support, thankyou so very very much. I will be writing a complaint, not out to 'get her' but more to point out how hurt I was by her conversation & to consider what she says in future.

prime example of why women don't breastfeed.
You should have said 'I'll feed him till he's at least two, to protect his health as the WHO recommends'.

You seemed to act apologetically like you were givingout the message that it's a problem for you by saying 'i'm not sure how to stop', so she treat it like it was a problem also.
You need to be more confident about it from the start to let people know you're happy with it and proud, then they will realise it's not some sad dragging habbit you can't get out of.
She probably thought she was empathising with you about your 'problem' and was giving you some advice.

I am absolutely fuming for you. What a cow!!! Are you okay?

Personally I would contact her boss (if she has one) or at least warn other people about her. That attitude is just totally unacceptable. And if she is going to preech about this, who knows what else and who else should could be damaging?

If you are happy, and your DS is happy, then as Leonie said, fuck 'em. They're not worth it.

SirBoobAlot love the name! I am feeling a bit better thanks, stopped the snivelling and I'm helping my loveley dh compose a letter to her manager & the manager above.
mathanxiety you're right I did come across as apologetic, I have no backbone, a large character flaw of mine, I should of said - my choice I'm happy. I don't like confrontation and remember, I was working at the time with 2 other children so was trying to keep the peace and stay composed, whilst sat on the sofa bf. I did say no to ds before tea as I thought perhaps I did have a problem as she accused me of trying to keep him a baby. Up until now I have not questioned why I'm bf as we just bimble along together nicely,so it made me wonder if perhaps I was sbconsciously.

how horrible.Poor you.I fed dd1 until she stopped at 2 and a quarter,and I am feeding dd2 who will be three next week.I am 46 and reasonably confident but even I find that negative comments get me down.I have a painful breast/blocked duct at the mo and am worried about mastitis,and when a friend called she said "oh well,maybe you can use this as your excuse to stop feeding" as though it was this awful ordeal that I must be longing to give up,and it made me feel quite down,until later that day I spoke to a laleche person and a lactation consultant who were still feeding their 5 and 4 year olds. My GPs always make me feel defensive,when dd was 18m my GP said "you aren't STILL feeding that child are you? Is it for her or for you?" which really upset me at the time.I saw a badge on a website which read "still breastfeeding,still none of your business" and I think that is a good motto to bear in mind!

katie I've been the same many a' time.
You're not trying to keep him as a baby, you're trying to keep him as a child, a HEALTHY one, rather than an ill child.
It was her warped veiw that only little babies breastfeed.
I suffered the same thing with co-sleeping people treating it as a problem.
This time I just don't discuss it openly. We're happy co-sleeping and I trust my instincts about safety.
I should make a point ofsaying next time it has to be mentioned 'yes we co-sleep, it's lovely'

gawd. yanbu. i'd have been tempted to say loudly 'yeh and its catching and everything!'

i don't have any sensbile advice, just sympathy and

lol at sungirltan's retort

Un-f**king-believable!!! It is so so depressing to hear about this sort of thing - and always the nice people who are just minding their own business and doing the best for their DCs that get picked on, grrr.

Can I sign your letter of complaint too?

That is so depressing. 17 months! That's still a baby! I know tons of people who have breastfed their children until they were well over 2. But honestly, if I had a penny for every time a development worker/health visitor/doctor/nursery teacher/person apparently "in charge" had made crass comments to me I'd be a millionaire! (ah well not quite!) But it seems they search for whatever they can find about a person that is "different" from whatever societal "norms" they adhere to and home in on it. I've been getting a whole slew of: "It's because you're a single mother..." comments recently - apparently every legitimate concern I have about my son is my fault because I'm a single mother. A Health Visitor who came round concluded various patronising/offensive remarks to me by turning to my son (4) and saying: "Now does Mummy have any books in the house that she sometimes reads you?" (i.e. I'm sure the hopeless slattern never reads to you, let's subtly suggest to her how real parenting ought to be done!) I'll spare you his response to that but it was very funny (Monsieur 4 is not daft). I probably should have complained about her - I changed Health Visitors in any case - but it would have made me angrier. Life's too short. These people aren't going to stop being idiots.

Anyway, I think your experience goes to show how you just can't win nowadays. Whatever a woman does in the best interest of her child, she is pilloried. But I think of all women support each other and don't judge we can make things better in the future.

Breastfeeding a 17 month old is normal and is still common in most parts of the world.

Decisions on how long to breastfeed are personal and its really none of her business.

"we just bimble along together nicely" a perfect description of a relaxed and natural breastfeeding relationship.