Unfair to stop bf?

[Cyd4]

My 10 month old DD loves bf'ing and I love feeding her. I had intended to stop bf around her 1st birthday as DD was IVF conceived and we had planned to have another cycle in the summer to try for a sibling.

Our treatment would have to be in the school hols to overcome childcare issues.

Of course, all bf'ing would have to cease before the cycle began, but DD loves it still and I don't feel like she is ready to stop.

I would be really interested to hear your views as I really don't know what to do. I feel guilty and a bit selfish to deprive her of something she loves.

Sorry if this is the wrong place to post; didn't want to risk a lynching on AIBU...

Well you could look at it like, you're giving her a sibling instead and that's a bigger gift.

Really, from talking to friends who've felt bad about the same thing, their children have moved on surprisingly fast and it just wasn't a big deal. She'll still have cuddles and bottles and comfort, and I bet you are a lovely mum with a very lucky daughter.

Oh, also, school holidays as in a couple of months? Because mine was still very hot on breastfeeding at 10 months, but very disinterested around 12 months and easily distracted. We cut down to nighttimes only around then, and only kept that because I'm too lazy to go downstairs and heat bottles at 3am.

So I say plan it, and by then it might be a lot easier anyway.

Are you ready to stop?

I stopped feeding my DD gradually from around her first birthday. I just didn't want to do it anymore and was starting to find it quite restrictive to have to be there for evening/morning feeds.

I didn't feel at all guilty, I felt like we'd had a good innings and the benefits of continuing didn't outweigh my wish to stop.

In your case you have an actual reason to stop, and a pretty good one at that.

Do you think it is worth putting off your IVF cycle so you can continue feeding her a bit more? Does your husband?

Personally I think it's OK to balance your own wishes as a parent with those of your children. Wanting another child trumps breastfeeding beyond a year for me.

Do you agree? Or would you prefer to make new plans for the new sibling?

PS I got pregnant before I gave up feeding DD1, there are 22 months between my girls and I love this age gap so far (DD2 11 weeks).

Oh, thanks for your speedy replies.

Tortoise - thats encouraging that your dc was less enthused at 12 months. I think I will just have to do as you suggest - plan it and hope for the best.

Skidoodly - In all truth, no I don't really feel ready to stop but never imagined being an extended breastfeeder...If we do have a cycle, it would have to be July/August as this is the only time my mother can come to stay to help with DD. DH is happy to do whatever I decide is right for me and DD. Congrats on DD2 - I would love a small age gap.

I have a lot to learn about parenting, I don't know if I agree with you about balancing out ones own desires over those of your child. I guess I just feel like she should be my priority always and I must always do what's best for her, but it doesn't always work like that, does it?

I think I also have a bit of a fear that I might never have another baby and be able to feed again. It feels like such a privilege.

It doesn't count as extended breastfeeding until at least two years

If you aren't ready to stop, when would be the next time you could have a cycle? How would that affect the age gap?

Does a larger age gap seem more appealing if it means you get to feed DD for longer?

Does leaving it longer have an implications for repeat cycles if one isn't successful?

"I guess I just feel like she should be my priority always and I must always do what's best for her, but it doesn't always work like that, does it?"

I don't know, I also have a lot to learn about parenting

why do you ahve to stop? I assume it's because it'll interfere with your cycle / egg production? WOuld you have to stop if you were having regulsr periods?

I suppose the next time we could realistically do a cycle would be next Easter if we miss this summer (can't do Christmas in case egg collection date falls on 24/25th and the clinic is shut). Unless I can find someone else to take DD whilst DH and I are at the clinic (at least 2/3 days)It just would be a heck of a lot easier if my mum could come and stay for 2 weeks so I can go for scans etc without needing to find last min child care. Also, last time I was pretty tender after egg collection

Skidoodley, because we may not be successful at the first cycle (though luckily we were with dd), I don't feel like I have the time to be waiting another year, necessarily.

Stealth Polar Bear - Although I have what is known as 'Mild IVF', I will still need to be pumped choca with hormone drugs, as well as sedation for egg collection, so there is no way I could feed DD. I am actually having regular (ish) periods, am on 5/6 atm. I only feed dd 3 times a day.

Thank you for your comments. They have made me feel better and put things a little more into perspective

oh right - hadn't thought of the drugs side of it!
Personally, although i'm very pro ebf, I'd go for the sibling option in your situation. That's just my opinion though - you have to do what feels best for you. As your DD will be over a year you may find that if you get pg quickly you can still feed her once all the drugs are out of your system if you both still want to. Of course you may not, or you may worry that will be confusing for her.

How long do you have to take the drugs for?

You could pump and dump during the drugs part of the cycle, and if you get to the end of it and you and DD are happy - fine, wean - but if you find that you really still miss breastfeeding you could go back to it.

I have friends with toddlers who've managed a week's business trip and then resumed feeding. And I think Bonsoir posted a while back about going on a 10 day holiday without her 16 (18?) month old, not pumping, and being able to feed again on her return.

Hey chaps, thanks again for your replies and suggestions.
Last time I was put on progesterone supplements for 12 weeks and I presume it will be the same case this cycle. Otherwise it it about two weeks of injectables, so not sure how long it will take for them to be out of my system. Extraordinary that Bonsoir managed to resume feeding after 10 days! Didn't think that would be possible.

Have already started DD on CM which she so far finds repulsive. Hey ho, will crack on and hope she gets used to it...

Fingers crossed for me getting a natural miracle in the next three months so I don't need to bother with all this!

Quite extraordinarily, we have managed to do just that!!!

I am pregnant! Only found out yesterday and still can't really believe it. All being well, there will be an 18 month age gap and I can carry on feeding my gorgeous big girl for longer.

Thank you again. Yippee!

wow - great news cyd! congratulations

Congratulations

FWIW I'd have stopped feeding to do the IVF.

Awesome post.

Huge congratulations

Huge congrats Cyd! wonderful news. Hoping you have a lovely pregnancy .

I read your thread with interest as my DS (nearly 6 weeks) is a IVF baby and I'm already mentally planning when our next round will be. And when to stop BFing is part of that.

Congrat again .

Congratulations! Did you have an inkling already when you started the thread? Or is it a complete surprise?

Was a total surprise. Only had a first inkling on the day I tested! Thanks for your congrats, still can't quite believe it...

Have a new worry (!) regarding bf and preg but will stop boring you all and start a new thread!

Thanks again,

(A cautiously optimistic) Cyd x

oooh great thread!

Lots of info (an an old support thread I think if you search) on bf in pregnancy, plus kellymom will def have info too.

How wonderful!! Reading this has put a big smile on my face. Big congratulations to you.