Stopped BFing 3weeks ago, deeply regretting it

[BellasYummyMummy]

My DD2 is almost 4 weeks old on weds. I desperately wanted to BF her as I had a really hard time with DD1 and gave up after 2 weeks.

This time round I only lasted 6 days. I had midwives come round to help me, I went in to a MLU and stayed overnight when she was 4 days old but they were so useless in the night i decided i couldnt do it anymore, and found it really hard doing it at home with my 21 mth DD to take care of aswell.

I am now really missing it - I feel like i have lost the bond i had with her, and she seems so unhappy on the bottle. We had to buy 3 different types as she took forever to take to the teat, and now only has a few oz's before pulling off in tears, and never seems comforted. When she fed from me, she would happily fall asleep for hours after. I feel like i've let her down.

I told myself with DD2 i wouldnt beat myself up over bottle feeding but I am. I have started looking online to see if I can get my milk to come back in (still have a teeny amount) and have read that if i pump and put baby to me then its possible, but Im wondering if i am just setting myself up to fail again or if i should just leave it be? I dont know if i can face the bleeding nipples again, i am told that it gets better after the 2 weeks but i never made it that far.
Thing is, i dont think we will have any more children, so this was my last shot at bf'ing and i think i;ve just thrown it out the window.

Poor you. Bleeding nipples is no joke. I'm sure it is possible to relactate if you want to. You need to get someone really good to look at you feeding and check your latch. Try the bf helplines (search MN - there are loads of links that give you the numbers).

I struggled through about the first 10 weeks of bf my twins (didn't have and child too, though - I imagine that would be hard. I was in tears and biting on a muslin because of the pain through about 1/2 the feeds (had thrush in my nipples and it took ages to clear up) - but we made it to weaning at 6 months just breastfeeding and plan to keep going for a while yet - and I am so pleased I stuck with it - it does feel like it gives a wonderful bonding time and it is so convenient). The awfulness of the first couple of months is a distant memory now and I LOVE feeding the babies.

Having said all that, if you get good support and really can't cope with bf and end up ff, then don't waste your babies' first months with guilt. Enjoy her!

Good luck

You must feel awful, but you shouldn't, I'm no expert and I'm sure one will come along soon so I won't offer you advice, just wanted to let you know I feel for you. I was in a similarish situation in the early days where I gave top up ff for 3 weeks but managed to wean DD off them with a combination of frequent bf, expressing, fenugreek and blessed thistle - there is also domperidone, but like I say an expert will be along soon.
Like Bosoms says though don't waste your first few months on guilt, there's plently to feel guilty about as they get older

hi bellasyummymummy, i really feel for you. I felt the same when i gave up with ds1 and it's a horrid, horrid feeling

it certainly is possible to relactate and you're in a good position with still having milk,and still being in the early days of breastfeeding

If you do want to re-start then i'd advise ringing la leche league who are great at advising on this sort of thing, and check out the kellymom.com site

but for starters you'd want to be pumping, a lot, at least 8-10 times a day, including a couple of times in the night.
you also want to latch baby on at any opporttunity, and before each bottle feed. this will not only keep her interested in the breast,but stimulate milk supply
you may wish to try a supplemental nursing system to help her at the breast too

Hi Bellas,

Please call the nct breastfeeding line on 0300 33 00 71. It's open every day 8am-10pm.

I have heard of people relactating after a whole month of stopping and even longer. It's definitely possible for you to start again. You need to clamour and shout to get the right support - it's sadly lacking in this country but can be found if you really hunt it down.

Reading your post made me cry. I was in your position with my dd. Came so very close to giving up, it hurt sooo much and everyone I spoke to (midwives, hv) said that it shouldn't hurt and I must either be doing it wrong or I must be particularly sensitive and it wouldn't get any better.

They were wrong. I somehow managed to keep going (thanks to wonderfully supportive dh and other family) and after 4 weeks it actually started to get better. After 8 weeks there was no pain at all. 19 months on and I'm still bfing her - last week I had a blocked duct and the pain reminded me how hard it had been in the beginning - it's truly horrible. But it does get better!

You can relactate and you can succeed at bfing your baby this time. it will take support, determination and self-belief. Your body knows what to do.