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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

How to stop or at least cut down breastfeeding (long post sorry)

19 replies

Rugbylovingmum · 05/04/2010 12:51

Hi,

DD is 6 months and I would really like to stop or at the very least cut down on breastfeeding - ideally I want to just give a morning and night feed for the next few months then stop altogether. Although I would like to leave her with my parents overnight occassionally (good friends weddng coming up and another friends 30th party) so maybe keeping those feeds won't help. The problem is DD doesn't agree and refuses to take a bottle unless she is really hungry, she will just happily go without food all day .

She feeds at 7am, 11am, 3pm, 7pm and 2am. We started her on solids 3 weeks ago - mostly blw but we give her porridge or muesli in the morning, made with formula and hand her loaded spoons. She is doing very well and manages to eat more than I expected. She drinks water from a sippy cup with her food but won't take milk from the same cup.

This is what we have tried:

I first tried missing out her 11am feed and trying to replace that with a bottle - she just refused the bottle and happily waited until 3pm for a feed. She rooted a bit when I picked her up but didn't cry or seem too bothered when I didn't feed her. I changed to missing her 7am feed to see if being hungry would encourage her to try the bottle but she just waited or ate a huge bowl of porridge if it was offered - tried both for a week.

DP suggested cutting down to just the 7am and 7pm feeds for a day to see if she would try the bottle during the day - again she just waited and wasn't upset, never cried for more than a minute for a feed then just went back to playing (I stayed upstairs and DP looked after her, he offered the bottle every hour but she pushed it away and cried if he tried to put it in her mouth). She took a big feed in the evening but didn't want an extra feed.
The next day I didn't feed her in the morning and just offered the bottle - she refused until 12 when she took 2oz then didn't have anything else until 7pm when she happily took a full 7oz. Again she wasn't upset and she was taking solids, some porridge with formula and water but I was worried about her fluids. The next morning she took 1oz at 8am, 3oz at 3pm, 2oz at 7pm and 2oz at 3am but that was it and she was starting to have dry nappies so this morning I offered the bottle once more - she took 2oz - but then breastfed her. She had another feed at 11am. The last few days have been horrible - I feel terrible not feeding her even though we knew we would stop if she was upset (she has been in a great mood all weekend, giggling and playing).

I don't know what to do now, I'm really upset and stressed. What will I do when I go back to work fulltime in 8 weeks - will she be okay just feeding before I go and once I get home? How long am I going to have to feed her - I feel guilty and selfish for feeling this way so please don't make me feel worse but I REALLY don't like the idea of feeding for more than another 2-3 months. As much as I love her I'm ready for a little more flexibility - she has so many people who love her (dad, grandparents, aunts and uncles) and want to look after her but I feel so tied to her just now. I love spending my days with her but a day or two off every month would be lovely.

I guess I have to go back to feeding fulltime for now - I would just feed morning and night but I'm worried she will make herself ill by not eating all day. I am shocked she ate so little for 3 days without even getting upset and crying for a feed. I assume she will need fewer feeds as her solids increase but how do I know if she isn't too bothered .

Sorry for the long ramble, just a bit upset and stressed right now.

OP posts:
mum2JRC · 05/04/2010 13:29

Have you tried a cup instead of a bottle? Might be worth a try. If will not take a lidded cup (like Tommy Tippee) could try a Doidy Cup.
If she's started weaning she might drop the 11am feed of her own accord in next month or two. Then it would be getting her to have a drink of formula in the afternoon. Does she drink any water yet?

The only thing is she might up her eve/night feeds to compensate for the day ones and by the sounds of it you want to reduce and not increase feeds.

mumtotwoboys · 05/04/2010 14:13

It's obviously a problem that you don't want to breastfeed much longer, maybe look into why this is? why do you feel this way?
obviously the baby will think WTF at a botle, he wants the real thing, lol :p

anyway, sorry youre suffering from this dislike of doing it, it's not your fault how you feel though i guess
but like i say maybe try and find out the root of your problem with this and talk it through?

iamwhatiamwhatiam · 05/04/2010 14:15

Watning to stop b/f at six months isn't necessarily a 'problem' mumtotwoboys, plenty of us have done it out of free choice.

mumtotwoboys · 05/04/2010 14:23

it seems to be a problem here

Just to add, I don't think breastfeeding before and after work will be too bad, what I found out with my son was that he didn't miss it when it wasn't around if you know what i mean, he seemed to be fine away from me, and only remember that i had breastmilk when i was there, so he was happy while i left him in the days, and i fed him as soon as I arrived to pick him up from daycare, it was lovely :-)

iamwhatiamwhatiam · 05/04/2010 14:34

She hasn't said it's a problem, you've said that it's a problem.

If she REALLY doesn't want to feed for longer than 2 or 3 more months (which is what she has said) then you telling her it's a problem that she feels that way might not actually be that helpful.

mumtotwoboys · 05/04/2010 14:40

lol @ you coming in this thread to argue with me but not offer any advice yourself

iamwhatiamwhatiam · 05/04/2010 14:44

I'm asking you to consider her feelings - she's said she feels selfish and guitly but still wants to stop.

Why label her with a problem?

Just because I can't offer any specific advice (had no trouble switching from b/f to f/f) doesn't mean I can't offer her support.

And lol? The only thing that's laughable is you thinking it's ok to label someone who's already explained they feel upset and vulnerable with a problem.

mumtotwoboys · 05/04/2010 14:53

label someone?

she's feeling terrible about weaning but feels the need to stop.
I would look into why the idea of carrying on seems bad, that could be resolved.

For example; I would like to share that I was still able to go out for the night on a few occasions and it wasn't that problematic.

Also OP don't worry, babies will eat when they are hungry surely, so when you're away at work she won't die of malnutrition because youre withholding your breastmilk
she'll give in and start eating with all the other kids at the daycare in no time I'm pretty sure.

You can still enjoy a nice evening feed.

iamwhatiamwhatiam · 05/04/2010 14:55

OP - hope you manage to get her on to f/f if that is what you really want to do.

Wanting to stop breastfeeding really doesn't mean you have a problem, just a mind of your own!

Hope someone can help you with more practical advice but I think it's good that she has drunk from a bottle sometimes. Everyone I know who has had trouble getting their baby to take bottles has succeeded eventually by persevering.

mumtotwoboys · 05/04/2010 14:55

the fact that baby is taking SOME bottle at least is good practice for when youre away at work :-)
that's positive

mumtotwoboys · 05/04/2010 14:58

as opposed to staying breastfeeding= not having a mind of your own..?
whatever

goodluck!

Rugbylovingmum · 05/04/2010 15:02

Thanks for all the replies. I have had a bit of a cry and calmed myself down. I was overreacting a bit, I think I am just tired and a bit hormonal after messing about with feeding/expressing .

mum2JRC - we have tried a sippy cup and she will happily take water from it with meals but just spits milk back out.

mumto2boys - I don't dislike breastfeeding, I'm just starting to find it very inflexible. I'm concerned about going back to work plus I would like to be able to have the odd day/evening away from DD without worrying all day that she is hungry/thirsty and I'm not there or won't go to bed without her night feed. My mum works in a school and she sometimes has my niece to stay for a couple of days during the hols. It gives DB and SIL a night together and my niece has a great bond with her GP (they have done this since she was 7 months when SIL went back to work). I would like to do that with DD too when I go back to work but I can't if she needs to breastfeed (parents live 2 hours from here and 2 hours from DB so makes sense to have kids there rather than ask DB to drive the 4 hours here). If I could feed her usually but she would take a bottle when I'm not here I would be content to continue but I guess these things will just have to wait until she is ready to give up.

iamwhatiamwhatiam - thanks for the support, it's great to know I'm not the only one who would like to give up the breastfeeding now!

OP posts:
Rugbylovingmum · 05/04/2010 15:16

Oops - xposted with most of that. Thank you both for all your support.

iamwhatiamwhatiam - really really thank you for understanding I feel bad about wanting some time back for myself. So many people just seem to think it's a selfish attitude so I really appreciate the support.

mumtotwoboys - thanks for letting me know that you can work around the breastfeeding in the long term. You were right that I needed to think about why I wanted to stop - I do want to cut down but I was so tired and worried I was making it a bigger/more immediate problem than it is. I don't need to stop yet and lots can change over the next 2-3 months.

OP posts:
mumblecrumble · 05/04/2010 15:43

Hi there,

Just wanted to say that the difference between now and in a few months time will big!

We cut down fairly steadily and found that:

a)as DD got better at eating solids food (cos after all your DD is only a new eater) she will realy less on the breast anyway

b) Keep trying with different ways of drinking - open cup? closed sippee cup (bet your mummy friends will have stashes of them that you could try out), bottle, make 'solids' more runny.

but most importantly:

c) I found that when she was less demanding I enjoyed feeding her more. I was going to giv u around 9 months when I went back to work. But I found that cos I was less stressed as she was feeding well, had got a more used to eating solids and sipping that I was happier feeding.

Also, if you did decide to keep evening feeds, you could still go out and miss a day or two's feeding without it effecting your baby or your boobs.

Or, if you decide to stop - you are amazing to have kept going so long. You soud really knackered - I remember it was really hard!

It got much easier when feeding was more setteld and I was back into work/home/social loife routine. Please don;t feel any guilt, you sound like such a lovely mummy

mumblecrumble · 05/04/2010 15:45

Oh, just rememebred that I got quite a lot of support from breast feeding support groups around this time too. They are there to help you in all aspects of breast feding including how to wean off hte breast. Perhaps search onine. ring la leche league or speak to your health visitor to see if you have a child feeding coordinator around?

Rugbylovingmum · 05/04/2010 18:14

Thanks mumblecrumble! I'll give it more time. I've been chatting to DP and realised that I've been feeling under a lot of pressure from him (and my parents) to get DD on to the bottle but DP is actually supportive of me continuing. He just wanted to try to give me a break by doing the night/morning feeds and letting me sleep.

I realise I've been giving the impression that I really dislike breastfeeding which isn't true - I've just been very tired. Between teething and a virus her nights have been very unsettled plus I had my wisdom teeth out under GA so I've been a bit overwhelmed and desperate for a break. I just couldn't see how I could keep going. A big plus to come out of this weekend is realising DD can wait for her morning feed so DP can give her breakfast and let me sleep. Also now that I haven't been feeding her in the night she has started sleeping through . Obviously the bottle wasn't worth waking for!

OP posts:
mumtotwoboys · 05/04/2010 21:19

That's amazing that you've managed to wean her off nightfeeds already, and so she sleeps through, well done.

Rugbylovingmum · 05/04/2010 21:31

mumtotwoboys - it has only been 2 nights and she had slept through a couple of times in the past before she got a tooth through then came down with a virus. I shouldn't have written down that she is sleeping through - she is bound to wake loads tonight .

OP posts:
mumtotwoboys · 05/04/2010 21:50

Oh okay, I went through hell getting DS off nightfeeds at a much later age, arg.

At least the off breastfeed will still help her get better when she's ill :-)

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