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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Please convince me to carry on

21 replies

SPBInDisguise · 27/03/2010 20:23

feeding my DS (3). I sometimes feel like I've had enough and life would be so much easier if I wasn't.

OP posts:
winnybella · 27/03/2010 20:33

Weeeell...why do want to be convinced?

Is he very attached to it? How many times a day?

To be honest, if you're fed up, I would stop- gently of course. I'm not sure benefits at that age are that important.

I bf DS til about 2, it stopped naturally, we had 2 feeds a day, then 1, then nothing- but it was his decision. DD is 14 m and I'm planning to bf for a bit, but if I have enough at 3, then we'll stop.

BustyMcGee · 27/03/2010 20:35

I feel the same , I've got a DS of the same age. I've cut it down to morning and before bed only which really helps. How often is he feeding?

Original poster
SPBInDisguise · 27/03/2010 20:41

winny, basically I feel guilty because since 6mo DD was born he has had to accept so many compromises I'm no longer as good a mum as I used to be, and I really feel this is one way I can carry on making him happy. He loves it too - have managed to convince him morning and night is the way to go, and he is fine without it if his routine's broken (so if he stays at mum and dad's) but as a general rule he has to have his morning and night feed. I love how happy it makes him but it's starting to annoy me. If it hadn't been for having DD I might have tried weaning, but I'm not sure now that I'd replace it with enough cuddles iyswim?
Busty, it is just morning and night, and he's really good at not pestering at other times, but I think it's the length of the feeds. On a night I have to feed him until he falls asleep, or have a bit of a fight where I convince him DH will read to him (one of the compromises). In the morning I go through a long process of bribery, begging and distraction before he'll finish his feed - his morning feed can be over an hour.

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 27/03/2010 20:47

morning feed of over an hour ...

SPB i salute you

if you are feeling blue about it, maybe it is time to wean?

perhaps after 3 years you can put yourself first a little bit?

BustyMcGee · 27/03/2010 20:54

SPB don't be so hard on yourself, you've done a great job feeding him this far. It's so hard for the PFB to get used to a new sibling taking all mummy's time and milk. My DS still has jealous moments, but if you can work it into conversation how much you love him, and just because baby gets more milk doesn't mean you don't love him, it helps. Mine also has his baby (toy rabbit) to look after while I'm feeding the other, and he now "feeds" that and puts it to sleep. You could try the "magical clock" approach, and set what time the feed ends before you start, counting down the last 2 minutes so he's warned and ready?

ThePinkOne · 27/03/2010 20:56

Can you talk to him about cutting the morning feed down to 10 mins for example? Perhaps buy a special timer? Explain that you have so many exciting things to do in the day, you all need to go and have breakfast etc etc. Perhaps have that 10 mins total you and DS time with DD out of the way? Or is he happy with her there? (Just wondering if he's trying to 'claim' you - sorry can't think how else to put it!)

Have you read the stuff about nursing manners on Kellymom? Think that's more about not shouting 'BOOBY' and whipping your top up in a cafe but it just gives you some control over it cause at the minute it sounds like he's being quite controlling over the bf.

Hope you can make a decision you're happy with

Original poster
SPBInDisguise · 27/03/2010 20:58

I doze while he's feeding! In fact sometimes he does too, on and off so I suppose that's a bit misleading.
I suppose I'd be happy to drop the morning feed, can cope with the bedtime one, but the only way to do it is to be up, dressed and handing him porrige as he wakes. He wakes any time after 5, at which point I've usually only just got back to sleep after feeding DD, so my attitude is "do whatever you like as long as I don;t have to open my eyes"

OP posts:
Original poster
SPBInDisguise · 27/03/2010 21:01

Have tried counting down since he got the idea of numbers - it just makes him very upset.
Maybe talking about limiting it is the way to do it, but without specifically counting, like you say TPO. Maybe I should read him a book while he's feeding and then when the book's over the feed is too? But it's just getting him to agree...he won't! He is trying to claim me - sometimes DD is asleep, sometimes she's awake but there's no way I could give her to DH at that time of the morning!

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Original poster
SPBInDisguise · 27/03/2010 21:02

He is actually really lovely though - although he's jealous of DD he never makes it about her. When I was pg the only way I could get a break in the middle of the feed was to tell him I need the loo, now he's happy to let me go if DD wakes and starts crying or if she needs a nappy change He;s not stupid though - they have to be genuine!

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winnybella · 27/03/2010 21:09

Aaaah, poor chap.

In that case I would tackle the morning fed first.

I know what you mean, because DD wakes up at 6 and if bf gives me more sleep then so be it ( mind , I still cherish it, but can easily envisage the moment when I won't anymore).

Possibly, you waking up very early for a week or so and being ready with his porridge when he wakes up might wean him off.

ThePinkOne · 27/03/2010 21:13

It's so hard when you're not getting enough sleep I know the feeling of just letting them do anything (except with dd it was CBeebies ) for a few extra minutes! It does get better when the baby starts sleeping more and when you're not so tired it becomes so much easier to find the strength to implement the 'strategies' that you need to.

Can you bear to muddle through for a bit longer? There is light at the end of the tunnel!

ThePinkOne · 27/03/2010 21:16

Ooh, just one more thought before I go to bed. Could he have a special morning food treat (sorry focussing on the morning feed here!) that you can keep upstairs (presumably bedrooms upstairs, kitchen down?) like a fruit pouch/cereal bar/insert healthy convenience food of your choice. Then he can have a quick feed (length of story/x minutes) then start his breakfast with his special big boy treat that his little sister isn't grown-up enough for?

Could bridge the gap for a while at least?

Original poster
SPBInDisguise · 27/03/2010 21:21

that's a good idea - i do sometimes resort to chocolate buttons
i am hoping there's light at the end of the tunnel, but he didn't sleep well till he was over 2, so i might have another 18months1!

OP posts:
flameproofsuit · 27/03/2010 21:24

Don't feel guilty at all about weaning him, there are so many more ways to love a child than through feeding.

mawbroon · 27/03/2010 21:46

SPB, it's such a tricky one isn't it.

No tips as I am in much the same boat with ds1 (4.5yo) who has just had to cope with the arrival of ds2.

Saying that, we enjoyed a lovely feed this afternoon without the baby around (he was asleep) and I remembered how lovely it can be.

No tips I'm afraid, but just to let you know that I completely understand how you feel. Perhaps this feeling will pass for you and you will be happy to carry on.

DelsParadiseWife · 27/03/2010 21:57

Blimey, - I'm almost jealous. DD screams when I try to feed her, although once on she stays and makes 'mmmmmm' noises, - but she hates missing whatever she was doing before the feed and sees it as a signal for bed.

In the morning she'll only stay on for a few minutes (Again initiated by me) and then says 'finished milk, bye bye mummy' and she toddles off.

I'm a true example of only breastfeeding for the mother's sake I think.

Original poster
SPBInDisguise · 28/03/2010 08:35

Why do you do it Del? (genuine question, not being argumentative)
mawbroon, I did wonder whether the feeling would pass but she's 6 months now - I'm at the stage where most people are weaning the younger one! If she's asleep his bedtime feed can be peaceful and relaxing but I can't say I enjoy it as such

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DelsParadiseWife · 28/03/2010 09:40

Dunno. I think it is because I don't want to lose my supply entirely just in case she ever did need it. It is still a fantastic emergency comfort and she benefits a lot then.

Also, it is still probably the most healthy substance she can consume and it alleviates some of my guilt over her poor diet of pancakes and bread, not to mention a better and more natural protection against swine-flu and the like than jabbing her.

I suppose that is why.

SPB Can you continue, but do it a bit more on terms?

mumtotwoboys · 28/03/2010 11:23

Breast milk is great for children aged 3, more superior to cow's milk and still protects you both.

I would still BF my 3 yo if I felt comfortable with it, but it became annoying at 2.8yrs with him :-p

Just remember emotional and physical wellbeing are BOTH important, if it's starting to stress you out it could be a sign it's time for you to stop.
They don't know any different after a week or two anyway.
He kicked and screamed to feed, but I had to stop as it begining to feel horrible for me (being pregnant too).
It was only a few days of hell, I felt guilty, but before I knew it he'd seemed to forget about it anyway.

My boy now (been weened for 6 months)
he gets excited when he sees me getting dressed, lol and goes 'oooh boobies!' and he'll come to me and go 'boobies all gone' and he seems happy with that, or he might rest on my chest like they're comforting for him, but he doesn't want them anymore.

Original poster
SPBInDisguise · 28/03/2010 15:33

thanks mumto You are right, it is doing him good!
I can't get past the thought of weaning him, it would make him very sad

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mumtotwoboys · 29/03/2010 11:20

Yeah, it is good, damn I feel bad for stopping now! lol

It is great, especially if he gets ill, being able to BF will be a blessing.
Also carries on reduces his risk of childhood leukimia and your risk or breast and ovarian cancers.. and probably more we don't know about yet.
So be proud!
Loud and proud! I saw some t-shirts saying 'yes I'm STILL breastfeeding' lol

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