Help! Too late to Wean!

[christie2]

I am in a real pickle. First, I have weaned several children before from breast feeding and no problem. For a variety of reasons I have not weaned my youngest (illness and death of family members, back to work part-time) basically an overwhelmed mom. My baby is approaching 2 and no signs of self weaning. We are down to once in the evening usually but terrible resistance to weaning. Given the tough year we have had as a family (and it really has been a turbulent one) how can I do this as gently yet firmly as possible. ANy advice. I really want to be done with breast feeding.

Sorry to hear you have had such a terrible year and are feeling overwhelmed.

My DD showed absolutely no signs of self weaning and if she had her way would still be bf now, so I understand how you feel.

It was tough for me as DD was oh so good at making me feel so very rotten to resist her demands.

In the end I had to admit i was a wimp and she would always be victorious, so i chickened out of handling getting rid of the bedtime feed by getting someone else to do it!!

The hardest thing is to be determined yourself that you are going to stop and mean it. pick a date tell your youngest that they are big and dont need it any more and get your DH or someone else to do the bedtime routine for a few days. And busy yourself doing something so you cant hear any protest crying - i went for a walk, or opened a bottle of wine - the logic being I cant possible feed her if I've had a couple glasses of wine!

I gave myself a week of feeds before i stopped so i could get used to the idea too, i was a bit sad when i realised this was the last feed but after a few weeks my energy levels were better, so I hope the same goes for you.

good luck

That is good advice. I will try handing her over to dh for a few nights. I am ready to be done but give in to the crying.

On average a child left to self wean will do so between 2 and 4 years old.

Your child is a tad on the young side to self wean and less likely to do so when the past year had the stresses you mention, hence her understandable resistance to weaning attempts.

I would look at how important this last feed is for your daughter, balanced with how you feel about nursing.

If you don't feel your daughter need the last feed and you have had it up to here, wean.

But if you think your daughter still needs the last feed and you have some flexibility there are other ways to change things.

For instance, if this last feed could be moved to another time would that help ? No reason why a toddler could not accept an morning or earlier in the evening feed if that would make you feel better.

The length of the feed can be restricted counting to 10, just 5 minutes or whilst reading her a story.

I suppose it depends how strongly your DD feels and if anything can be altered to improve things for you. Nursing relationship has to work on both sides.

By the way I don't think you are 'giving in' to your daughter, I think you are responding to her needs. Something to be proud of not to worry about IMO

Thanks for that. Good advice too. I think I am exhausted and would like to end breastfeeding. I have never breastfed this long and I guess it makes me feel I have dropped the ball. But you have given me something else to consider. Thanks

The language you use to describe feeding this long is very interesting. It's not a failure or 'dropping the ball' or 'giving in'. The natural term to bfing, as already posted, is usually around 2-4yrs. You have done nothing wrong, in fact your dd will have benefitted from the extra time at the breast.

I understand that you wish to stop now and that's fine. It's a relationship that should only continue while both parties want it to. My dd is nearly 3 and still bfed and has never cut down feeds on her own. I decided to change the night time feed to cow's milk as I needed to know she wasn't reliant on bmilk and therefore me to get to bed. She was only a couple of months older than 2 at the time. I just talked to her, explained what was happening, discussed what we'd do instead (warm milk with mummy and daddy in a special cup, cuddles, books and lights out) and I gently reminded her what was coming in the days coming up. It was just fine. No tears.

Now we're at a stage where sometimes she bfeeds at night, sometimes she has cow's milk but I found from around 2 her comprehension was enough that we could change feeding patterns by discussion and agreement. I could never leave dd to cry though so took the gently, gently, approach.

Don't be so negative. You've done a wonderful thing and it's just time to change things for you. Be proud, not apologetic.

And I'm sorry for the hard times you've experienced recently.