Support for those grieving bf failure?

[madnortherner]

Someone told me that conceiving, giving birth and breast feeding are all biologically driven. There seems a big source of cultural understanding for the grief associated with a failure to conceive. There seems a growing source of understanding for those whose births didn't match expectations. Yet, there seems to be little understanding and support for those of us who spectacularly failed at the breastfeeding stage.

I want to speak to someone who might be able to empathise with my feelings of great sadness (grief?) for not having been able to breastfeed either of my DCs and/or people who could shed light on why I am getting milk-in-breasts feelings from time to time and even some stickyness in my nipples too as if I've had some leakage. I last gave birth 11 months ago and haven't lactated for about 6/7 months.

I've posted this link before, but the only group who really helped me when I was grieving were these guys

www.mobimotherhood.org/MM/default.aspx

MOBI stands for mothers overcoming breastfeeding issues. They have a very helpful mailing list you can join, where everyone understands where you've been. I did not find the NCT guys etc helpful as they are those who have been successful and didn't understand my pain.

Can I just send some love to everyone who is experiencing this, and like tiktok has said above, it is great that madnortherner has posted this up for all of us to read and be supported in this thread.

I'll keep it short but I am so grateful that this thread is here, it struck a chord with me today. I gave birth emer c section 3 weeks ago to DS1 and my dad died 2 weeks ago. In amongst all of this emotion I tried my damndest to breastfeed and have been unable to shed the guilt over not being able to keep it up. I found it particularly difficult and painful, why does it not happen so easily? I thought it would be the most natural thing in the world.

I wondered what was wrong with me and then I have realised that although I made the decision for my sanity to go to formula, I still feel awful for not getting on with breast feeding and not realising that many many women feel the same. So many thanks for sharing advice which is much needed. When I read this thread's title I realised that is what is happpening, I am grieving the breastfeeding too.

With love to everyone xxx

So glad I found this thread tonight. I have a very dear friend who is having severe trouble bfing her second DC, and is desperately upset about it all. She expressed and fed her DC1 but cannot face that again, and is really struggling. DC2 is 4 weeks - he fusses alot at the breast, and she has tons of milk and strong let-down.

I bf for a few weeks, struggled and gave up. I felt very sad and guilty, but having been through IVF and a Csection it seemed unsurprising the final part of the 'natural motherhood' didn't happen for me. Essentially I had already grieved (extensively) for being unable to conceive naturally - so I guess there was none left. So she knows I understand about not being able to BF, but I was quite calm about my decision.

But, back to my friend - how can I help her? I really want to, I get her meals, look after her elder child, etc when I can but I would love to say helpful things or listen properly next week. I have already texted her the MOBI stuff, she doesn't get on the net much these days and certainly won't be MNing at the moment!! Anyone got any advice?

Thanks ladies.