Hoping to bf second time round after disastrous attempt with DS... will it be possible?

[BettyButterknife]

I'll try to keep this brief! Always intended to bf DS, had been to the NCT class, read the notes, thought there would be nothing that could stop me.

DS was born with pneumonia, and although I fed him for the first time within an hour of his birth, we later found out that he had his tongue to the roof of his mouth for the first few days and therefore wasn't really getting much (if any) milk. We were in hospital for a week, by the third day my nipples were blistered and bleeding. Midwives tried to help me express, didn't get very far and they ended up giving him formula once or twice (I think, I can't really remember much about that week).

By the end of the week things had improved slightly - I got the midwives to come and check my latch ever time I began to feed but the pain was pretty intense. They could see nothing wrong.

After 4 or 5 weeks of really intense pain, a cause for which couldn't be found by midwives, health visitors, an NCT bf counsellor, a LLL phone counsellor, nor a Cherubs bf counsellor, I started to introduce a couple of formula feeds per day. By 4 months, DS would only take formula and my milk had all but dried up - I fed him for the last time the day he had his 4 month vaccinations.

I likened the pain to having my nipple placed in the hinge of a door and the door repeatedly being open and closed. I would sob at every feed. Sometime in this (I can't remember when) someone suggested to me that I might have thrush. I went to my GP who said she 'didn't believe' in thrush in the nipples, and decided instead that I had mastitis. I took the antibiotics, no improvement, discussed with my HV who got me a thrush medication prescription. I'm afraid to say that by that time I really had had enough - it even hurt to use a breast pump, and I had begun to really resent my son for the pain he was causing me.

Anyway, now 22 weeks pg with DS2 and I have very mixed feelings about bf this time. My logical head says that I'll give it a go again, as it might be different this time, but that if it isn't I know it's not the end of the world if I switch to ff. My heart knows this is the last child I will have, and really want to see if I can do better this time around.

This might sound a bit weird, but when I see friends bf I notice that their nipples are quite different to mine and wonder if that may be (part of) the problem. Not entirely sure what I can do about that however!

Has anyone else been through something similar? What help could I access now in advance of the birth? I suppose I just want to do anything I can to try to eliminate the pain I went through first time if at all possible.

Hi - not an expert, just a Mum but I had a nightmare first time round too. He's nearly 12 now and I still remember how devastated I was. When I was pg with DD 3 years later I knew I would want to try breast feeding again but I really didn't want to. I had developed almost a phobia of it but I gave it a go - I asked for advice at every opportunity - I got a lot of advice from the midwives before going home and DH was a real star. It was tough for a few weeks but only a very minor crack and no mastitis and I fed her for 14 months. But the fear hasn't left me - I am 30 wks with DC3 and very nervous so understand where you're coming from.

It's hard to know what exactly went wrong with your first baby and breastfeeding - it sounds like lots of difficult things happened, and you did your best, and soldiered on, until it was (understandably) all too much.

I'm assuming that your latch was checked lots, by professionals, and the pain was (maybe) not caused by that? Was the pain only while feeding?

How long ago did you have your DS? Is the local BF support likely to have changed in the interim? From around 35 weeks, it might make sense to visit a local drop in or two, just to get to know the appropriate people, and so you'll feel comfortable and confident going, after the birth.

It could be worthwhile for you to call a BF hotline, and chat things over, have a bit of a debrief, iyswim. I know you don't need help with BF now, but talking it all over with someone may give you some perspective, and help making plans. (I guess that's what you're trying to do here, but doing it over the phone is a bit more immediate, iyswim.)

Just wanted to wish you luck...like you BF was a disaster with DS but I am now 6 weeks in with DD and it has been totally different, although hard work at first.
As you say not the end of the world to FF but it's so much easier not having to sterilise and faff about with boiling water and leaving it to cool!
Get as much help as you can for the first few weeks so you can concentrate on feeding.
Lots of luck

Thanks for the replies (and for the inspiration, potatoes ).

The pain was only when feeding, which is why I was suspicious that GP said mastitis. DS1 will be just 3 when DS2 is born, so I guess the local support may well have changed since then.

I'm not sure about the latch... I remember reading something on here where the poster said she had her latch checked 40 times and the 41st person spotted something, changed it and all was ok from then on.

Yes, I guess it's hard to give a definitive answer when the actual problem wasn't really understood first time round. Ho hum. I will try giving one of the hotlines a call - will any do or should I go for a specific one?

Thrush generally causes pain while not breastfeeding, too. As does mastitis, as you say.

It is possible to have pain that is normal and not a sign of a problem, iyswim. Letdown can be quite painful, but it is only there for part of the feed, and sometimes happens when you're not feeding. (Once I had letdown when I saw a headline about Britney Spears's breasts. WTF?) If a baby has v strong suction, that can hurt quite a bit, but if a baby has strong suction and they're latched on well, they will not need to feed for very long, and will be chubby and happy. So it doesn't sound like the problem was either of these.

The best way I know to check latch is to look at the nipple after the feed. If it is pretty much the same shape it was at the start (possibly a bit more pointy), then all is well. If the nipple looks crushed, or shaped a bit like the end of a tube of lipstick, then the latch is not right.

I struggled to feed DD til 3 months and felt awful about it. But I am still feeding DS at 14.5 months so it can be very different with a different baby

You can start going to your local BF drop in/baby cafe now to establish some support before the baby arrives and get some further info. They are often in the childrens centre/Surestart.