should I give my next baby a chance to breastfeed?

[spleenyone]

When my first baby was born in May 2008 I tried to breastfeed him - unsuccessfully - and this left me feeling like a failure and ruined the first week or so of his life before I finally gave in and decided to go with formula. My second baby is due in July and although I really do feel that I'd like him / her to have the same chance to breastfeed I am terrified of it all going wrong again and repeating the same horrible time, this time with a toddler to look after aswell. The same feelings of failure and despair return every time I think about it. Any advice anyone can give would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

You have nothing to lose by giving it a go. Breastfeeding with a toddler around is logistically easier than using a bottle.

Try and contact a support group who will have experience with this.

Every baby is different and every breastfeeding relationship is different, even different babies with the same mother.

What happened last time? Did you get any support?

I think the things that helped me to bfeed were support from a qualified breastfeeding counsellor, support from my family, good knowledge about how bfing works and the time to establish it all. Without these factors, I would not have managed it.

What was the problem initially? Was he having problems latching on? Or was it too painful? I had problems with both when I started bfeeding, and only managed to continue with a huge level of support from the community midwife who was AMAZING, but not everyone gets such great service. If its pain, its just a case of pushing through it. Yes, it hurts like hell, but only for a couple of weeks and then its so easy. If problems latching on, then the professionals, and helplines can help. Only you can really make the decision whether you want to give it a go this time, but try not to put too much pressure on yourself. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. It doesn't make you a bad mother, you still love them just the same and that's what's important.

Thanks for your replies - I don't think I really was prepared for it at all, very naive and just hoped it would work out, didn't have any support from anyone who really knew about it all. Would you recommend any particular organisations / books that you found useful in order to be more informed about it?
My son did breastfeed a handful of times successfully whilst we were in hospital, but only when a nice midwife happened to be there and helped him to latch on, I could never get him to latch on myself properly. Then he got jaundiced and when we came home I felt I had to make the decision to bottle feed so that he would get better, seeing as I couldn't feed him myself. I felt very alone and didn't really know what to do about it. My husband was very supportive and I know he will be again.

Hi, you should definitely give it a go. I failed with my first two babies - gave up at a week each time as I found it so painful. However with my third DD breastfeeding has totally worked out - the first few weeks were undeniably tough but with some great support from a fantastic midwife who showed me different positions I ended up using the rugby ball position as I am quite large chested - and it worked like a dream, I love breastfeeding now which I never thought I'd say. So it can work a second or even third time round, you should definitely try.Good luck!

why don't you start a support thread on here in July for ppl planning to begin bfeeding in july- you will get so much support and not feel alone

Definitely give it another go. I made a total hash of it the first time around, and only survived because my fourth?fifth? home midwife was a dedicated genius who lives just around the corner. Second time around it was a doddle. One thing in your favour is that newborns are usually easier to deal with second time around, so you'll probably be more sane (as long as DP can help with toddler).

Ask for help if you need it, if you don't get it ask again for a referral to someone who can help. Do you have friends from your first antenatal group or DSs playgroups who could help? - presumably lots of the other mums bf'd successfully (eventually after the normal traumas). Try the NCT as well, they may have a breastfeeding cafe in your area.

And remember that the few feeds you gave your DS still had valuable health benefits, so even if you don't manage to bf exclusively for a full six months, every feed you manage is a bonus.

My SIL packed in BF her first at 3 months and found it really difficult before then (bad latch on amongst other things she tells me)BUT she is absolutely flying thru BFing her second.

She wasn't sure about it, but gave it a go and was pleased she did, she mix - feeds now, using some bottles during the day, as this is what works for her, but she said 'it's the one thing you can't [easily] start up again once you stop' so she gave it another try and it has been a roaring success for her

You have nothing to lose - if you give it a try and it doesn't work out, so what? You will have given it your best shot - there's no failure at all, just mums doing the best that they can with their dcs!

I would give it a try, and muster up as much help and support beforehand as you possibly can. Keep on bugging people until your problems are solved, if you have any, even if you think you're just being a nuisance. Above all, don't feel a failure. You all survived the first time around. that you felt so alone and so bad about the experience.

BFing with an older child to take care of actually makes life easy rather than difficult -- you can go out to the park or to toddler activities without lugging all the bottles and stuff around, or worry about running out or forgetting something.

Definately give it a go again, you have nothing to lose! I had lots of problems with DC1 and felt a failure as only got to 8 weeks bf and was mixed feeding. It really stressed me out and I was determined to make it work 2nd time around..

However, with a toddler and severe cracked and split agonising nipples and a hungry baby and demanding toddler, I gave up after 2 weeks as was slipping into a very distressed place. However, I look back and think I really tried both times (visits to bf clinic, doctors, HV, family support etc etc).

If I had a 3rd DC, would I try BFing again? Absolutely! I know plenty of people it worked really well for, I just had to acknowledge to myself that for various reasons/issues I couldnt manage to do it long term for my first two.

I had to learn to take comfort from the fact that even though I couldnt bf as long as I'd like, there are many other ways I can be a good mum to my DC(food&nutrition, love, fun, care etc).

Research any BF clinics in your area and make it clear on your birthplan you would like help with BF at the hospital/home birth. Try and get lots of rest and drink and eat well in those early days. Will your DC1 be in any childcare so you have 1-2-1 time with new baby to help establish bf? Ironically, my milk supply was much better with 2nd which I am convinced because I didnt get out of bed for 3 days as so keen to rest and establish bf. 1st baby I was up and about too much on hindsight which I don't think helped.

Wishing you all the best with your new baby and really hoping bf works better for you this time round.(but if it doesn't - don't beat yourself up!)

I hope you come back and report on how you get on. I failed at BF my DS and still feel so guilty about it. Next time I would love to breastfeed but am so worried about failing again and not being able to get past it to enjoy being a mum. I went to the BFing clinic etc but really needed someone with me at all feeds to show me how to get him to latch on. (I even sat on the floor once, surrounded by books about how to BF, watching an NHS DVD while DS screamed his little head off...)

Hope whatever you choose goes well and congrats on bump