Weaning a toddler

[WidowWadman]

How do I do it without too many tantrums, tears but reasonably quicky so I can claw back my sanity?

I don't think the never refuse never offer method is for me as my daughter just treats me like self service bar.

I wouldn't mind keeping one evening feed, but I'm just sick of her clambering all over me and pulling my top down whenever she feels like it.

I find it hard to explain to her and find an acceptable compromise, but then I guess it's hard to reason with a 14 months old about anything.

So far I only had helpful (not!) suggestions that I'll have to put my foot down. I find it impossible to not give in after 30 minutes of big tears where no attempt of distraction with other food or drinks or toys helps.

Please help me.

oh dear...
my 14mo was distractable with drinks / snacks / cuddles - cuddles were key - and we got away without big tears, but I think I was lucky

Have you read La Leche League's How Weaning Happens? It was a while ago that I read it but vaguely recall there being seperate sections on weaning ages, ie before 6m, at 12m, 12-24m, etc.

In my opinion the 'never offer, never refuse' thing is maybe a bit beyond a 14mo.

My DS is 16m and I still bf him pretty much on demand, but if I want to avoid a feed, I try not to sit down in specific chairs, refer to milk/undo my cardigan/anything that reminds him of milk. And lots of distraction and avoiding trigger scenarios. If we are out and about he feeds a lot less, for example.

Sorry I can't be of more help!

I started trying to put DS off at around 14mo. I also night weaned him at the same time. Don't offer,don't refuse would never have worked with him- he's very persistant. He's 20mo now and still asks for a feed in the night if he wakes up! Doesn't fuss when I say no though.

He's also fine about me saying no during the day, again he still asks a lot but I just say he can have it when we go night-nights and he's fine about it. Most of the time.

I would really like to stop completely so we're going to do it when we're away for a week in April. It's been doing my head in for some time but he's sensitive so I didn't want to stop suddenly. I'm stopping the morning feed this week. Naps and bedtimes are more difficult which is why I need DH to be off to wind it up completely.

It's taken longer than I would have liked but we're getting there eventually. Just keep trying to put her off and eventually you'll something she'll go for-it might have to be a complete change of scene/activity rather than an food or drink because at her age it's less likely to be hunger than wanting reassurance. I found the park always did it when DS was being really persistant- when I could be arsed that is

Oh shit,you asked how to do it quickly, sorry!
I think it's either slowly or with tears tbh.
There's always hot chocolate though- apparently when offered the choice between hot chocolate or a breastfeed, most toddler would go for the chocolate! Not mine unfortunately.

I weaned dd2 (18mths) a couple of weeks ago. During the first three days I tried to cut it down as much as possible and distract with going out lots and chocolate when needed. Once we were down to 1 or 2 times, we went cold turkey. We did night weaning at the same time. It only took one night for her to get the message. She needed lots of cuddles and comfort that night though. For a couple of days she would ask for milk every now and then but chocolate or fun activities distracted her.

Top tip, chocolate buttons!

WidowWadman I don't have any advice I am sorry but just wanted to offer support and sympathy.

I am in exactly the same position with 14 mo DD. I have been trying to wean her gently for months now to no avail.

I too find it impossible not to give in to the tears and upset. DD knows the milk is there and doesn't want to accept that she can't have it sometimes. I have tried everything I can think of/has been suggested apart from letting her cry it out which I just can't do.

Hope you have some better success soon. Will be watching this thread with interest.

Nothing much to add except sympathy - had just come to the topic to post my own thread on 15 month old feeding constantly, so just to say you have my total sympathy. My sanity may have vanished for good, mind [wink[

I've only just weaned my dd off at 12.5 mo (she's now 13mo). In the run up to weaning completely, I dropped the evening feed, then for 3 weeks just fed her in the morning. (I wanted the evening feed to go first so DH could do bedtime on his own, while the morning feed is a boon which meant an extra hour in bed with her).

Sorry OP, as I weaned over 5 weeks, it's not really what you're looking for. But fwiw, I have weaned dd onto a bottle (which was new to her, as she always refused a bottle while I was breastfeeding, never took expressed milk, never had formula). Yes, yes, I know I shouldn't have... but I feel i've done so much 'the right way' (in my book only - not by anyone else's standards), exclusively bf for a year, blw, co-sleeping, no sugar, organic food, brushing her teeth twice a day, etc etc, that I thought using a bottle for 3-4 months wouldn't hurt.

DD uses a sippy or doidy cup for all her drinks during the day. The bottle is just so much more comforting for her morning and night. I'll let her continue with a bottle twice a day for a few months before binning it completely.

So my tip - admittedly a bad one in most people's books - is try weaning her onto a bottle for an interim period, rather than straight from boob to cup.

Also, I've been using follow-on milk for the nightime feed only. My paediatrician told me to, and although I - like most on here - don't think it's necessary, dd likes the sweeter, vanilla-type taste, and I think it fills her up more than straight cows milk at that bedtime feed.

And a question from me: dd is still constantly putting her hand down my top, grabbing my boob, fiddling with my nipple, at any opportunity. And to any other woman holding her! How long did others find this went on for?

OP sorry to hijack your thread...

funwithfondue how did your DD react when you dropped the feeds and how did you respond? It sounds stupid but I just don't know what to do after I have refused the milk.

I find I can distract DD but its only stalling as ultimately when I refuse the milk she won't be comforted or distracted so I end up giving in and feeding her. She bangs on my chest/lifts up clothes (and of other women!!) and just won't take no for an answer.

If DH tries to help (in the day or the night) she gets more upset and asks for me, although usually she is very happy with him.

She happily drinks water from all sorts of cups but won't touch cows milk - I am like you have tried to do everything "right" so using bottles didn't really occur to me. Do you think it will be straightforward to wean your DD off bottles?

kiwi you have my sympathy, we went through a phase of constant feeding just after DD turned 1 just after Christmas, it was the nights that really got to me, so exhausting. I hope things improve for you soon.