Suggestions on getting 13mo to bed without bf

[Mimii2]

My dd is 13 months and still bfs several times each day (morning, after lunch and bedtime, and then for comfort once or twice on demand), had never imagined bfing after 12 months but as this is my last dc I don't want to stop, at least not while she needs it so much (bf is her only source of comfort, won't take bottles, dummies, thumb, etc.) Problem is I have committed to a few things in the evening over the next 6 weeks which means not being around for bedtime, cannot back out but feel awful about leaving her as she's very dependent on bfing to calm her down (running around before bf, sleepy and tired after, isn't bf a miracle?), any suggestions on dh getting her to bed without me? Or maybe I should wean now as won't it get more difficult the older she gets? Just don't have the heart to do it yet.

Mimii2 you don't have to wean completely just to get a few nights out!

DS is 14 months, I've not made any decisions about when to wean, but as he obviously still gets a lot of comfort from it, he'll be getting health benefits from it, and as the WHO guidelines are to feed till 2 minimum, I'm happy to carry on.

I have had a few nights out. I don't think it's been particularly easy to get DS to sleep TBH, but certainly less distressing for him than weaning completely!

Your DH and DD will need to work out what works between them. I'll ask my DP tomorrow what works for him and if he's got any tips (he's asleep now), but I know he bottle feeds DS with formula. He has been known to take him out for a drive as that work - well when he's in the car anyway! Your DH will need to be very patient and accept that it will be a miracle if DD goes to bed at the normal time, at first at least.

(There may be other things that soothe DD (unlikely any as effective as BFing, but certain things can help!) A friend of mine uses a hairdryer to get her DD to sleep (just the noise of it that is!).

I have got home from being out in the evening before and found DS still awake 4 hours after his normal time! But as it doesn't happen very often, I think it's OK.

HTH - I'll be back, hopefully with some good tips from DP.

We got our girls a special beaker just for bedtime milk and it was a 'big treat' for daddy to put them to bed with the big girl beakers. (We've done this twice, they are 18 months apart). I then stood well back! They probably realised at some point during the proceedings that they were being hoodwinked, but both seemed happy enough.

I would try a 'daddy bedtime' with you on hand just in case it goes badly wrong, but you might be pleasantly surprised. Our girls have always liked things being explained to them, so I would tell DD that daddy is putting her to bed and just let them get on with it. Can you busy yourself with older children's bedtime?

I hope that helps a bit. Sticking to your guns when someone is getting a bit stressed by the whole proceedings is very, very tough.

I agree with lowrib that you don't have to wean completely. Our DDs had warm cow milk at bedtime if it was DHs turn from 12 months but I fed one until she was 23 months and the other until 16 months.

We are now enjoying DC3 (a boy) - I can't imagine ever wanting him to wean!

My dd2 is 15 months and will not go to bed when I am there without being breastfed.

I have left her occasionally in the evening and she will drink a bottle of formula for DH and go to sleep fairly easily. She won't settle for DH at all when I am at home.

I'm not sure about trying DH settling her while you are in the house. If she is like my dd she will know you are there and may give DH a much harder time than if you were out and you will end up fretting about it.

If you just head off on the first evening and hope for the best you mught be pleasantly surprised.

He can try cow's milk, formula or expressed breast milk in a bottle or beaker.

Or movement - being walked in her pushchair, or taken for a drive in the car (if you can move her when she is asleep - or if she is still in first stage car seat), being carried around the house, if you have a rocking chair that could work too.

Or just lots of play, soft play centre, maybe a nice bath, a walk, if she is walking, then let her walk outside (on reins or just being very closely followed) wherever she wants to go - really tire her out, so that she is happy to go to sleep with anything. You could even try cutting short her normal afternoon nap so that she is extra tired when it comes to bedtime.

Or (controversial one) a nice quiet, calm TV programme or DVD like Waybuloo, In the Night Garden or old episodes of Thomas the Tank Engine (not the new CGI series). I would probably keep this as a last resort to try as TV can be quite stimulating which is the opposite of what you want!

Or, go the opposite way, keep her up a bit later than usual before her afternoon nap, so that she has a later and hopefully longer nap, and then let DH keep her up and occupied by playing until you get home. This tends to be the approach I go for with DS as he gets quite distressed if he is tired and can't have milk to go off to sleep with. He can sometimes be settled with a bottle, or movement, but if he is half asleep and wakes up, he just wants me.

Thanks for all the advice!

You're right, better not to wean just for the sake of a few nights, dd very active and doesn't sleep much at all during the day (2 20 min naps), is usually exhausted by evening so will get dh to try keeping up late, fresh air, warm cup of milk, lots of cuddles and hope for best.

Don't know whether I'm looking for an excuse to wean, keep going hot and cold about feeding beyond 1 year (weaned other 2 dcs by then) .. in fact have had love hate relationship with bf from start this time around (feeling tied, had mastitis a couple of times, etc) .. but it still makes me feel so sad to think of ever weaning her.