Breastfeeding second time round...simply not enjoying it

[mistletoekisses]

I need some advice/ words of wisdom from some kind people please...

I breastfed DS1 for 5 1/2 months and, despite the initial mind numbing tiredness, I got a real enjoyment out of it.

DS2 is 8 weeks old; and I am finding that I am simply not enjoying it this time round. I want to feed DS2 for as long as I fed DS1 as I dont want to feel as though I am shortchanging him so to speak. And it is only another 3 1/2 months to go...

But are these feelings normal with another child? Did anyone else feel this way? Am I looking back on my first time with rose tinted glasses? Are the demands of dealing with a baby aswell as a toddler having an impact? I want to enjoy this time as I did with DS1, any advice???

I hated it first time round - loving it now second time round so I might not be much help!I know what you mean about a toddler too though.....

What is it your finding tough? Sleep/time???

Can you do a pros and cons list that should have more pros than cons?

I BF DS until 8 weeks and then expressed for another 8 weeks but it was such a struggle - he had tongue tie, and even after it was sorted hated being BFed. DD on the other hand is very easy, loves it etc, however I do consider now and again FFing her.

For me the pros are the ease, especially at night - lift her into bed, feed her lying down, lift her back into her moses basket. I barely wake up, she barely wakes up, we all stay cosy and warm. It's also much easier when we go out and about - I've lost any inhibitions about feeding in public (and got discreet BFing down to a T). I don't need to constantly sterilise bottles, make sure there's boiled water avalable, hang around waiting for it to cool etc. There's also the cost factor - with formula costing about £7 a tin, BFing is much cheaper for me.

What would be the advantages for you if you FFed DS2?

From my experience, it's always going to be hard with a newborn and a toddler, regardless of how you're feeding them. I may be outspoken on this, but personally I think you need to work out what's best for you, and go with that. I think a happy mum (and especially one that's already BFed for 8 weeks giving DS2 an awesome start) is VERY important, and if FFing DS2 will make you happier than BFing him, then go for it.

Thanks for the replies. I think I am definitely finding the sleeping/ feeding harder. With a toddler making demands on my time, the days are not as easy as they were first time round. And I definitely agree that life with a toddler/ baby is going to be tough, irrespective of feeding method - very good point!

At the moment, I am trying to drop a night feed (as I did with DS1) so am doing lots of toing and froing between 1am - 3am as I settle without feeding. So I think that that is definitely a factor in tiredness. And I am not co sleeping as want DS2 to settle in his cot (which he is doing wonderfully)

I guess a part of me was hoping that I would be lucky enough to get a baby the second time round who started to drop a night feed of their own volition by now...but this LO is the same as DS1 and I know it is going to take some work. I remember weeks 9-12 being the toughest with DS1, but after then the 1am feed was dropped and I got more sleep and it all got easier.

I think the grind of the baby/ toddler is getting to me, and even stopping bfeeding wouldnt really help (aside from giving me a full nights sleep)....

i didnt really enjoy it first time and def foud it worse second time. but like you i was determined to do for my second what i did for my first so i made it to 13 months with them both. then i gladly stopped, despite being firmly convinced that until 2 is really best for them. each feed i was counting roughly how many more feeds ahead of me. this is a v v v v big reason why i couldnt have another baby....just keep going. i am SO proud of myself now for doing it for dd2 just like i did for dd1. you wont regret it if you carry on no matter how much you like it.

thanks nowweare, right now it is sheer bloodymindedness that is keeping me going. I keep telling myself that in the big scheme of things, another 3 1/2 months is not a long time...especially once a nightfeed is dropped....thank you all for your words of encouragement. Are much needed and gratefully received.

Hmmm, actual feeding with dd was a nightmare whereas feeding with ds is much easier in that he is great at it but practically it is more difficult because of dd, I can't just put my feet up for half an hour at a time.

Having said that I agree that ff may well not be any easier. For me the hardest time is if ds is crying for a feed and dd is demanding my attention, at least now I can just whip a boob out but I think ff would mean a lot more faff and a lot more listening to him cry with both dd and me getting distressed.

My advice, though I appreciate that it doesn't seem like what you want to hear, would be to stop tiring yourself out trying to get him to drop a night feed. He will do it when he's ready and in the interim you are probably getting more tired then you would be if you just fed him instead of trying to settle him without a feed.

Ultimately though only you know what will be best for you and your baby/family.

hi there,sounds like you've got a really co-operative baby though since he's good about getting back into mosses basket. I agree that it'd prob be best to stop trying to drop night feed. My own experience is that second time round it's been much easier as dd1 fed round the clock and hated getting back into basket. Now (8mth old) ds is fantastic, he's so much more relaxed and has been less demanding about feeding from start, although he's huge! He's just willing to be put down after a feed. It's makes such a difference.

ff is such a pain I don't know why anyone does it. I hate steam, even if it's trapped in a steamer! TBH if it makes you feel better to bf them each for the same length, 5/6 months will fly by, relax and enjoy it

If you are settling him without feeding then I think you should rope your DH in for a bit! It's not like you can catch up on sleep during the day if you have a toddler to look after too anyway.

Personally, I'd second the advice about not trying to drop the night feed yet. Just because your DS1 did at that age, doesn't necessarily mean that DS2 will want to - my DCs have been VERY different in that respect, with DS waking every 2 hours until about 5 months, and DD sleeping through the night occasionally from 2 weeks.

It may be an idea to give up trying to drop the night feed for another couple of weeks to give DS2 a bit more time, and then try again. Generally, I find that if they're ready to do something, they'll do it fairly easily, if not, then you spend as much time struggling to do it as you would have done waiting for them to do it of their own volition, but with more stress and hassle for you.

Thank you all. I had thought that if last night was a struggle, would follow all the advice and stop trying to drop the night feed. But DS2 obviously realised that mummy needed some sleep - he woke, but resettled in a matter of seconds...when I resettled at 2.45, he didnt wake until 4.30 for a feed! And even at that time, he only drank for a short time and was back sound asleep by 5am! He is waking but simply not needing milk, I pop the dummy in and he is back asleep.

But if we move backwards, I will definitely bear the advice in mind and simply retry feed dropping when I feel more up to it. But fingers and toes, we may be making some headway!

thanks once again for your advice.