Talk to me about never offer/never refuse please

[moaningminniewhingesagain]

DS is 14.5months and I am starting to think about weaning him off breastfeeding.

He will go hours and hours if I am not here, and will settle at bedtime and in the night for DH without a BF. But, DH is hardly ever here as he works nights and I end up feeding back to sleep several times a night.

I am getting fed up of it now, but if I try to settle without a feed he reaches through the bars of his cots and strokes my top and I give in.

Is 14m too young to start weaning in the never offer/never refuse way? Or should I just try harder at getting him to settle without feeds? I think it will be very hard to night wean without fully weaning but I have no idea really

I think it is not too young to stop offering/ refusing, but you need to be prepared that this could go on for another couple of years! Would you be ok with that? If you really want to wean then I suspect at this age you would have to be a little more proactive.
Night weaning is perfectly possible: google dr Jay Gordon as he seems to have the most gentle method. It might not happen overnight but I have succesfully night-weaned twice (a bit older than your DS but I imagine it would work ok for him too) without it leading to full weaning. Basically you set your hours between which you won't breastfeed and stick to it. I trie dsending DH in to settle instead but ended up doing it myself because he was hopeless

Thanks boogeek, another year or so ok with me but DH is getting a little freaked out now If only I cared

I read the Dr Jay Gordon thing a while ago and have reduced the night feeds a bit - basically now I try to only feed at one waking, so if I feed at 11pm ish I settle without a feed next time(3ish usually)

If he sleeps through til 1 or 2 I feed then and settle without next time.

But if he won't go back to sleep I end up getting him out of the cot for a feed as I have no backbone

Most the stuff I look at for BF older babies in the night is about co sleepers and we are not, but I may well try that spacing the feeds out thing a bit more thoroughly.

Blimey, it's not about having no backbone it is about wanting to go back to sleep as quickly as possible . I've been there!

boogeek - I'm about to night wean again (dd is 22 months). Was there a lot of shouting (from dc I mean, not you obv) and how long before it worked?

No, not much shouting - to be honest I took it very slowly and if they were too sad just fed 'em then tried again the next night. I set 11-5 as my "hours" to start with - and I allowed them to come in for cuddles, just no breastfeeds. Mine were about the sme age as yours and pretty verbal so I just explained that this is what was going to happen. I also relented when they were poorly or teething. I can't remember how long it took but it can't have been that long - and both were sleeping through fairly quickly afterwards.

Thanks, I would really like him to sleep through sometime soon, he did it once since Christmas and it was a lovely treat, not repeated though

Especially as I have DD too and she is very hard work ATM, I am sure I would be less shouty if I only had a bit more sleep.

Will have another look at Jay Gordon to refresh my memory.

Been having another look and it has reminded me that we have made good progress the last few weeks as he is now being put down awake but drowsy and going to sleep in the cot pretty well - so the first three nights are achieved already Just got to commit myself to not feeding in the night next.

At the beginning of January he was sleeping in the travel cot while I slept on the sofa and fed him back to sleep a million(ish) times a night - he is now in a cot in DD's room for nights and naps and goes down without a BF when I am out(recently returned to PT work)

So he really should be able to do it if I try