"still" bf my 20mo and pg with #2 - advice?

[LLJ4]

Just joined mumsnet today and thought I would post here as I have a question I can't ask anyone I know in "real life". I am hoping to get an appointment with the one very pro-bf HV in our area but may have a long wait...

I am very proudly "still" breast-feeding DS who is 1y8m. I got my BFP today and have several questions:

• Does bf a toddler pose any risk to the pregnancy?

• How will I tell if my milk changes?

• DS asks for milk All The Time when we are together. He can often be distracted, but not if he is tired, poorly or otherwise not quite himself. Is he likely to want to reduce or stop bf before DC2 arrives (he will be 2y4m)?

• If he doesn't want to stop, would I be better off weaning him than tandem feeding?

• If I should wean him, when should I go about it?

Sorry, lots of questions! Can't ask my normal bf support network as I don't want them to know I'm pg yet

TIA

LLJ x

Hi LLJ4,

I have bfed through 2 pgs (one of which I tandem nursed through until DD1 was 3.5 y/o) and am currently tandem nursing for the 2nd time.

In answer to your qs:-

• Does bf a toddler pose any risk to the pregnancy?

Short answer is no. Long answer no unless you were at high risk of miscarriage to the point of being on pelvic rest (i.e. no sex/orgasm) and even then it would be a theoretical risk of the oxytocin released during bfing possibly being picked up by the oxytocin receptors in the womb and causing contractions. Very unlikely though and I'm sure you would be told by your mw if you were having a threatened miscarriage. Your body will feed your pg before anything/one else but taking a pg vitamin wouldn't hurt (obv. take only pg multivits not regular ones ). So don't worry

• How will I tell if my milk changes?
  Your toddler may tell you or you may notice when they 'pop off' that there is no milk residue around mouth/on nipple (if that usually happens) or if you try to squeeze some milk nothing comes out. My milk dries up during pg at week 14 and comes back between week 24-26 as colostrum. Neither of them stopped nursing for the duration of the pgs (except for a double nursing strike from them at 24 weeks )
  You WILL know when the colostrum starts flowing as toddler nappies with colostrum are fetid [boak]!

• DS asks for milk All The Time when we are together. He can often be distracted, but not if he is tired, poorly or otherwise not quite himself. Is he likely to want to reduce or stop bf before DC2 arrives (he will be 2y4m)?
  For me nursing whilst in 1st trimester can be toe-curlingly painful so I work on shortening the duration of feeds rather than the amount. I introduced reading/singing/counting limits so that when the book/song/etc was finished as was the feed. This seemed to work really well for my two. He may stop of his own accord if your milk changes/stops or may naturally start cutting down on his own.
  DD1 nursed LOTS and was super keen on Bah until she self weaned at 3.6y/o but DD2 isn't so interested at 2.3y/o and feeds between twice a day to once every few days.

• If he doesn't want to stop, would I be better off weaning him than tandem feeding?

If you really don't want to tandem feed then weaning earlier would be better than at 36 weeks. However you don't have to tandem nurse in the sense that every time baby feeds you feed DS on the other side(if he wants it then). I only tandem fed DD1&2 for about 8 weeks before finally having enough and only feeding them separately for the next 18 months. DD2&3 have never fed together.

• If I should wean him, when should I go about it?

When you feel ready to though bear in mind they have frighteningly long memories at this age. DD1 can still remember some things from when she was about 18m/o! Be as gentle as possible and try not to say things like 'the baby has taken all mummy's milkies so baby can get big' that make the connection between your pg and his weaning. I did tell my DDs that my bahs made milk for them out of the same stuff in mummy's body that made the baby's food while she was in my tummy but didn't make any reference to milk drying up/weaning at the same time.

Hi, you might also like to look at this old thread www.mumsnet.com/Talk/breast_and_bottle_feeding/574268-pregnant-and-nursing-support-thread

I have a 3 week old DD and DS 3.6, similarly to TruthSweet, my milk reduced then changed to colostrum. This caused my DS to reduce feeding, so went from around 3-4 times a day to just the bedtime feed. He hasn't (so far) tried to increase feeding, and I haven't fed them together. I'd like him to wean really but won't make him as I think it's helping him with the transition, and makes sure he has some special time with me at bedtime after a day of coming second place to new baby's demands .

I fed DD1 all through my second pregnancy and she was exactly the same age as your child.I didn't notice my milk supply lessening but it was a bit painful to feed her very late in the pregnancy and I'm not sure if this was due to a lowering of my supply or the fact that she had dropped down to only one feed in the morning each day.I didn't notice any change in her nappies or anything as the above poster mentioned,i seemed to have milk all the way through.About two/three weeks before I had the baby dd1 said she didn't want to feed any more as it was for babies and she was "a big girl".I think she may have picked up on my uncertainty about tandem feeding although I hadn't said anything to her other than explaining that the baby would need to feed a lot of the time etc.Now I wish I had tried to persuade her to keep feeding,partly as she is starting to get jealous that her little sister is still feeding at 2y and 10m,and she knows she stopped before that.

Thanks ladies, and for linking me back to the old thread. I had searched and gone back a bit but couldn't find anything obviously relevant.

You've all made me feel a bit better!

I guess I'd rather DS made the decision. I don't really know how I feel about tandem feeding and I always wanted him to self-wean, so I find myself in uncharted territory.

Thanks again

LLJ

Hi LLJ4 I'm PG with numbers 2+3 (twins!) and was still BF DD when I discovered I was PG. DD was 12 months. I hadn't planned on either getting PG so quickly or weaning DD at that point, but something must have changed for her as she then weaned herself.

The ladies who have posted seem living proof of it being possible to tandem newborn and toddler, so don't put pressure on yourself (or your DS).

Congratulations on your pregnancy. I'm 26 weeks pregnant and breastfeeding my 14 month old. Like you when I discovered I was pregnant I wasn't sure about tandem feeding but had wanted DD to self-wean. After talking to people on MN and reading about it have been much happier to carry on feeding, but now having a bit of a wobble again. in the meantime DD has cut down to one feed a day, so maybe she'll self-wean before the baby arrives anyway.

I've found the book Adventures in Tandem Nursing really helpful in answering a lot of my questions about feeding in pregnancy and tandem feeding.

Congratulations on your pregnancy. Have a read also of the tandem feeding thread linked below.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/breast_and_bottle_feeding/906089-anyone-fancy-joining-me-in-a- tandem-feeders-support-thread

I was also recommended the Adventures in Tandem Nursing thread and its very good.

I tandem fed, I found it really useful to stop engorgement and to keep my toddler quiet.

I was a bit of a celebrity on the ward though, people were practically pointing me out. Thanks to mn, I found that I didn't have a single qualm about it and was able to ignore any irritating doubts from health professionals.