Am I crazy to think this is do-able?

[PassMeTheKleenex]

I am on mat leave, but have been invited to attend a training session/conference back at work in mid April - in California.

DS will be 10 weeks by then - I am b-feeding, also starting to express to get a store going for the freezer.

I would quite like to go away for the week, but fear that it would mean the end of b-feeding.

I won't have enough EBM to feed him exclusively for that week, so he would have to have formula. And I suppose at 10 weeks, I would be looking at expressing as often as I would be usually be feeding. And then I'd have to throw it away - which is a bummer

I can't take DS with me, as I'd need someone else to come too to look after him, and that just won't work.

I have found b-feeding very difficult, and part of me wonders if I can use the trip as a deadline for moving to FF...and then I immediately feel guilty that I am looking for ways to stop and am not making enough effort to carry on.

DH is supportive in a 'do whatever you want to do, I am fine with your decision' kind of way.

Which of course means I can't make a decision :-)

I know nobody here can make a decision, & I think I know the answer to my own question (yes - I am crazy / b-feeding will end) - but just looking for some additional thoughts that maybe I have missed...

hmm i think you're right in that it mostly likely would be the end of breastfeding for you

am slightly amazed too that you'd be willing to leave your 10 week old for a whole week!!!! i'd never have been able to do that with any of mine.

personally i wouldn't go. or i'd seriously look at trying to take someone with me if i did go

well some people do express exclusively for a long time, so it is possible. I don't think it will be easy though. You'd probably still have to express at night too.

Blimey! I think you could definitely make bfing continue if you want it to, but can you really bare to leave your tiny baby so young, however you're feeding him?

I haven't been apart from my DD1 for longer than 2 nights yet and she's 6.5y!

This isn't meant to be judgy, just shocked!

However, what he'll find hard is not being with mum, not not breastfeeding IYSWIM.

have you thought about how much you would miss your ds for a whole week when he is only 10 weeks old, breastfeeding aside? i assume you have, but dont underestimate how hard you might find it.....

Who's going to be looking after your baby? Couldn't they just come with you?

some people do express long-term yes, but a lot of them do so from birth (when milk supply is hormonal rather than supply and demand, so they can get a good supply built up).
a lot of them also need the help of drugs such as domperidone.

i think it would be difficult going from breastfeeding direct, to expressing that amount daily. esp as some people can't get much while pumping

true, and of course it'll be unlikely the OP can express much there as well
OP, can youtake your baby to the conference / training? Not ideal i know but at 10weeks DD did just feed sleep and do a bit of looking round on my knee

i mean if she's at a conference all day - won't be able to nip out every few hours

Yes what kind of conference/training is it? Any possibility at all that you could take a baby in a sling? They are so portable at that age and would be unlikely to disturb others if you can master feeding in the sling as she will probably just feed and sleep.

If you do decide to go and can't take her, then remember she will still get the benefits of breastfeeding for those 10 weeks, and if you keep expressing it may be possible to relactate on your return, although I think you should bear in mind this is a big "if" and try not to build up too much hope (sorry if this sounds demoralising )

DH here. OP is BFing and has left laptop open (probably at risk of appearing as subject in AIBU by doing this...)

Thanks to those that have suggested DW taking DS to the conference and I stay home, we hadn't thought of that. Another option to add.

OP didn't mention that we have DS1, 3 in April as well as DS2 who is 5 weeks.

We could all go, but as DW will be in conference all day, I will have to look after and entertain both. Would be fine if just DS1, we could do Disney! Also fine if just DS2, who wouldn't be any trouble. But I think a very active 3 year old and a 10 week old would be a bit much... I would rather all 4 of us go and have fun together if we are going to have such a long trip.

I'm happy to stay home and look after both if DW wants to go. I agree that it will be difficult to continue BF when DW returns and I think DW realises this.

So really the decision is, how much does DW want to go to the conference and how much does DW want to continue to BF. It's really one or the other.

Given that BF has been difficult so far, but seems to be getting better, the decision is that much harder. DW could reach the point where everything clicks just as she goes away which would be a real shame.

I think that the conference has just come at the wrong time, if DS2 was nearer to 6 months the decision would be straight forward, but now is probably too early now.

Personally I wouldn't mind the move to FF as I don't feel as involved as I did with DS1 who was FF, but that is probably another thread...

Hey, maybe I should speak with DW rather than writing here...

is there a possibility that another similar conference may be held at a later date?

i think you're right that it would be a real shame if it coincided with the breastfeeding becoming more of a pleasure to do. it can be very hard in the early weeks, but immensely rewarding long-term, which is something to think about.

Personally I think that breastfeeding is hugely important, and I don't think I would be able to give that up just to go to a conference (even in California! lol)

It's so hard to tell how you'll feel in a few weeks time though. Is there the opportunity to say a provisional yes to the conference and then back out if you decide you really can't go?

If you could all go - I would all go. Seems like everyone gets what they want in that situation. Why is it harder to entertain both in California, than it would be at home? (Not a dig, just curious!)

If you are feeling uninvolved, can you "claim" a job which is all of your own to do? DS' dad used to do all of his baths and wouldn't let me near, it was their little special thing to do together. I have heard a lot of people say things like "I do the breastfeeding, he can do the nappies" which TBH if I was a man I would be feeling distinctly "meh" about!

Mrs Kleenex is back!

Yes, there will be another conference, almost certainly when I am back at work - so it's not a now or never situation. Which probably makes the even greater that I would be considering going and leaving DS when so small. What can I say...I think I am missing some mothering genes, as that hadn't even entered my thinking! I am obsessed by the BF issue.

It's more likely I could say no now and then change my mind, as they want to book flights/hotel now on non refundable basis.

I think DH would find it harder with the 2 of them in California because he would be with them by himself whilst I am in meetings - and without the usual home comforts/gear etc. I don't blame him - I think I would find it hard going too (cf earlier ref to missing mothering genes)

DH was right to say that BF seemed to be getting better. However, my left nipple hurts so much it feels like it's on fire. I don't know what it is - it's not the latch, as the shape is round. I think DS just sucks really hard - is this possible?? I am still not getting earth-mother feelings when BF, it is becoming a chore. So I have definitely answered my own question - going to California would be the end of BF.

I am going to take my addled brain to bed now - thank you for taking the time to read & reply.

Get some help with breastfeeding. If it hurst, then it's latch whatever it looks like. You need help from a properly trained breastfeeding counsellor - not a HV or MW, or a peer supporter, but someone who's had years of training in breastfeeding.

I have a friend who's FB profile pic used to be of her delivering a conference to a very distinguised and important audience (she's a professor) with her baby in a sling.