Second nursing strike - baby deeply distressed - mummy a bit fed up

[xandrarama]

Dd is nearly 15 mo and tends to get bitey on the breast when she is teething. Earlier this week, I accidentally poked her in the eye in my haste to de-latch her - she freaked out, and since then she is filled with deep ambivalence about the breast. She wants it, but will only latch on to bite me again! Last thing at night and first thing in the morning, when she would normally be nursing, she gets almost hysterical. She wants me to pick her up, then she wants bf, but as soon as I put her in the position or put her to the breast, she either bites me or turns away and starts to cry and actually scream. Then she works herself into a frenzy and is inconsolable. She hasn't had a bf since Wednesday.

She had another nursing strike last November (after I involuntarily shouted when she bit me), which lasted 5 days before I managed to coax her back onto the breast. This time around, I'm finding it hard to know what to do. I know that for her to eventually get over this and go back to bf, I have to keep offering it to her - but it upsets her so much, and it is so hard to calm her down and takes so long (90 minutes last night and again at 4 o'clock this morning), that it is tempting just to not bother offering. Also, if she is going to go through this biting phase every time she cuts new teeth, and possibly more nursing strikes if I accidentally scare her again with my response to the biting, then the prospect of continuing to bf suddenly starts to seem a lot less appealing! (we have 8 teeth left to go!)

OTOH, it seems a shame to have it all end on such an unpleasant note. It would be nicer to stop more gently and gradually. I am just feeling (unjustly) irritated by the screaming and the biting. I know I should have more compassion toward my poor traumatised dd.

My dd went through a nursing strike when she was coming down with a bug once. She wanted to feed to cried and struggled if I held her in a nursing position. It was very upsetting seeing her like that so I completely understand how you feel.

Have you tried going back to skin to skin? I know she's a bit older but it still works for my 13 month old dd. A bath together helped my dd and she also fed after she'd fallen asleep (in her sleep).

Can you try these? Kellymom probably also has good advice have you tried there? Will look for link.

You poor thing, I know what you're going through, my dd went on a nursing strike for 3 days after my reaction to her biting me .. I thought I'd never feed again and didn't want it to end that way. Maybe try not offering for a day or so to give her time to forget (that's what worked for us in the end, it was only when I stopped trying that she calmed down and was glad when I eventually offered it again).

It's awful isn't it?

DS was the king of strikes - he had 3 4-5day ones and one 19 day one!
Also had his last at 19mo which was permanent

There is definitiely a hormone thing going on when you abruptly stop feeding which makes you all teary and irrational (or is that just me )

Do you think you could trick her and try getting her to latch when she is just dropping off to sleep or just waking up (do you co-sleep?)

Thanks all, for the sympathy as well as the suggestions - balm for the stressy soul!

wuglet, I had some luck yesterday getting her to suckle when she'd just woken up. But when she became more alert and realized what was going on, she came off, re-latched, and bit! Can't pull anything over on that one...

Hulla, will try skin to skin in the bath today, and maybe not explicitly offer for a day or two - save us both a bit of stress and maybe the negative associations will start to fade? I like that idea, Mimii.

Thanks again - it is so nice to hear that others have been through the same thing and come out the other side. 19 days, wuglet... my god!

Xandra how did you get on?

No luck yet. I left it 36 hours and waited until dd was waking up from her nap, but she used the opportunity to give me two decisive bites... tried having a bath together, she just poked at my breasts with an interested finger.

The screaming and tantrums continue, I am now thinking a large part of that is due to teething, but it is frustrating to not be able to calm her down by bf-ing.

I feel weirdly useless now that I can't do the one thing for her that no one else could. Okay, that sounded a bit melodramatic, but you know what I mean!

I'm sorry to hear that she's still having a hard time. Have you tried calling one of the bf helplines?

Just checking in to see how things are today.

Hope she is back but if not....keep plodding on!

Thanks for the support! She is still refusing - but not getting as upset about it as before. Now I just get a bite or a swipe of her fingernails, or a whinge and a shove to get off my lap. Sigh... I will persevere... and keep expressing in the meantime... had forgotten what a PITA that is!

Hulla, good idea about the bf helplines. I always associate them with helping to establish bf in the early days, so hadn't occurred to me to use them myself. I wonder how many long-termers they hear from? Perhaps they would enjoy the change of pace.

I think LLL (perhaps all of them though) are extended bf-ers anyway so they might have some tricks up their sleeve. I can ask my LLL leader friend actually?

What a kind offer! That would be lovely. Thank you.

I miss bf.

I've not forgotten you! I'm waiting to hear from her x

Hope everything going Ok

Here's the response - hope things are improving!

The key elements in persuading the baby to take the breast are patience and persistence - with special care given to positioning and latch.
You could suggest to your friend that she try
-nursing when child asleep or very sleepy

• using different positions - the ch may refuse one position but accept another - bit difficult with a 15mnth old but nursing in motion - whilst rocking maybe
• where ever possible when offering the breast strip to the waist down so create lots of skin to skin time and cuddles
• taking warm baths together can also help
• Try and express a little milk before bringing the ch to the breast so they dont have to wait for the let down.

This time can be very frustrating. If the child becomes upset it is important to stop and comfort so to avoid nursing becoming associated with un happiness. By always creating opportunity to nurse and offering the breast she is doing all she can to encourage her child through the strike.
In the meantime if she keeps expressing to keep her milk supply up and offering expressed milk in a cup she can be comforted in the knowledge she is doing everything she can for her babe.

Thank you! I will give these suggestions a go, and keep at it although I am getting pretty discouraged and mopey. She still cries and wriggles away when I even start to cradle her in what used to be our nursing position. Bleah

I really appreciate the support here though. A few people have asked me recently if I am still bfing, and when I've tried to explain the nursing strike, they've just kind of taken it as, DD is old enough now not to want it anymore. Which is obviously not how I see the situation. At the same time, I know we are lucky to have got this far, regardless of what happens next.

Still - feeling mopey!

how are things?

Sorry for disappearing - we've had houseguests staying in my computer room and I've been forced offline for a few days... thank goodness they left!

It's really starting to feel as though our bfing relationship is coming to an end. I just can't seem to get DD interested. Fortunately she doesn't seem distressed anymore when I offer - but her only reaction to the breast is to press the nipple like a doorbell (repeatedly), pinch it, or politely ignore it. There doesn't seem to be any recognition that it should go in her mouth. Do they really forget that quickly? wuglet, how did your ds come back after 19 days?

I'm expressing 2-3 times a day but getting less and less each day - I will keep it up as long as I can but at this rate, there won't be much left in another week.

hi

thread is here

He had only been using a cup for EBM (had never taken to the bottle even at nursery). I basically made him take a bottle and the next day he fed!

Didn't work for the last strike though.....

Sorry to hear this Xandra, I have heard of longer strikes than 19 days but I guess it depends on whether you want to keep trying.

I will keep going for awhile yet... until the milk gives out! Just bought some fenugreek, don't know if it will do anything this late in the game, but I figured it was worth a try. She is a stubborn little miss.

There is a blog linked to from the kellymom nursing strike page of a 42 day strike.

FWIW DS did latch and feed once during the final strike - was after around 4 weeks IIRC. Was lovely as I was prepared for that to be the last feed and just enjoyed it - so pleased that that was the last memory of BF rather then screaming and gouged nipples.

That is really good to know and does give me a bit of hope! - the final feed, that is, not the 42-day strike - good god! indeed. Babies are mysterious creatures.

Okay, Medela Swing, we are in this for the long haul. Don't break down on me.

Thanks again for all the support here, ladies. I am really appreciating it.

how are things going xandra?

Have you tried numbing her gums before a feed with bonjela - I used to do this sometimes with my DD when she was teething before a feed?

Hi wuglet! No change at all over here. Still no interest from my former little bf partner. I am starting to panic that my milk is disappearing - yesterday only managed to express 50 mL and today there is naught but a dribble coming out.

Am also getting ridiculously weepy over the whole thing, the more so the longer it goes on.

dizzyem, that is a good idea, I sometimes used to do that with DD, when she would let me - sometimes everything that goes into her mouth gets nipped on very sharply!