Help - really messed up with breastfeeding

[SlaveToFinnAndEve]

I exclusively breastfed DD until 9 weeks but ended up staying in hospital for a couple of nights and diagnosed failure to thrive after she hadn't re-gained her birth weight. I wanted to persevere with bfing (I hadn't managed more than 4 weeks with my first) but was told to top up a minimum of 3oz after each feed.
Initially I pumped after each feed but I also have a 20 month old to care for and the feeding, sterilising and pumping was too much. I haven't managed to get back to exclusively breastfeeding.

I can't believe that I've managed to get to 19 weeks but I'm all over the place and don't know what I'm doing with our routine. I bottle fed DS and was in a 4 hour routine with him while I'm feeding Eve on demand.

7am breastfeed & 1oz formula
10am breastfeed (lying down while baby sleeps for 45 mins) & 1.5oz formula
12noon breastfeed (lying down while baby sleeps and suckles for 2hrs!)
4.30pm Breastfeed & 4oz formula
6.30pm Breastfeed & 4oz formula
10pm 4oz formula dreamfeed
1.30am breastfeed & 2oz formula
4.30am breastfeed (lying down with baby until we get up)

I'm not quite sure where to go from here. I don't feel that I really know what I'm doing and our night times are becoming increasingly disrupted.
Sorry for the ramble but help!

Other people are better qualified to advise you on the top ups, but 19 weeks is brilliant - well done!

no idea how relevant this will be for you, but have you seen the supplemental nursing system?
also, do you have a la leche league or bf clinic near you for support? best of luck!

Why do you feel you have 'messed up'?
What are your aims- to get in to a routine, to reduce the formula feeds?
You seem to be doing pretty well from what you say.

I was in your situation and well remember that punishing pumping and feeding routine. All I can say is that with hindsight I wish I had done what you did and given the odd formula top-up (I did it all with EBM). I did later with my ds and he was fine.

Anyway, I found once the weaning started the worst pressure came off me and we settled into a routine. I carried on breastfeeding her for nearly a year (she self-weaned), but it got a lot less stressful once she was also taking other food.

You're not that far off at 19 weeks - and as others have said, you have done brilliantly to get this far!

I too was convinced I had messed up- until 10 years later when someone pointed out to me that a baby with dd's degree of hypotonia was bound to have difficulties feeding. It wasn't to do with my latch at all. She messed up, not me .