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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Come and Tell Me the GOOD things about stopping BF because...

25 replies

MadameOvary · 01/03/2010 10:19

I am sad about stopping even though DD is 23 months!!! It wasn't that much, just a little feed to get her to sleep, but I want to get her in her own bed (we co-sleep) and when she had D & v a few days ago and threw up the milk I'd given her for comfort (why does that make me want to cry???) I reluctantly decided to stop. Since then she has asked for "Boob" a few times but doesn't get too upset when I gently say no. I know it was more for comfort and she can't have been getting much.
We have a lovely relationship and it IS the right time to stop, so why do I feel so weepy and sad????

OP posts:
fifitot · 01/03/2010 10:26

Cos it's the end of an era. I BF til DD was about 30 months. She whinged a bit for a few days but soon got over it.

It is sad but you make your choice when to stop.

Mind my DD will now pull up my top and lay her cheek against my bare tummy when she wants comfort, clearly harking back to the same feelings as when BFing. It's really sweet.

PrettyCandles · 01/03/2010 10:40

Al;so it's a hormonal readjustment. I wnet through it 3 times. The first was a complete horror and I'm sure contributed to my PND. By the time I went through it the second time, I had found Mumsnet and learned that it was perfectly normal. I had thought I was descending back into PND, but, knowing that it would pass, I held on. It began to lift and lasted only a couple of weeks. By th time I wnet throught it the second time, I knew exactly what was happening, and was able to almost indulge in it, knowing that it was going to pass and I would feel fine again.

I weaned ds2 a few months ago at 3y. To my surprise, not only did I not get the depression (though I did get the sadness adn missing it), but weaning him had a marvelous side-effect: he became spontaneously affectionate. He was always happy to kiss and cuddle dh, or his siblings, but rarely kissed or cuddled me. Now he is as affectionate with me as he is with the rest of the family. I LOVE IT! I suppose the drive-by feeds when he would briefly hijack me were his equivalent of a kiss or a cuddle.

PrettyCandles · 01/03/2010 10:41

I meant by the time I went through it a third time, I understood and was ablle to indulge etc. Obviously I can't type!

Original poster
MadameOvary · 01/03/2010 11:11

Oddly, yesterday DD was more affectionate as well! She still sticks her hand down my top and sleeps with her head on me. Hopefully that will be okay for her.
I have heard about the hormonal readjustment, I was kind of dreading it, now it seems I am going through it.

OP posts:
mummyof2byapril · 01/03/2010 11:20

Being able to lay in a positon you want to lay in when waking up the morning! Because DC isn't attatched.

dinkystinky · 01/03/2010 11:23

You get tonnes more cuddles when you stop - and you can still make bedtime special (DS1 and I used to cuddle up to read books before bedtime after I stopped his nighttime BF at around 16 months). And you get to shift the last of the baby weight at long last (my last half stone will not shift while I'm bfing).

mummyof2byapril · 01/03/2010 11:24

I was HAPPY to give it up!
(at 2 1/2 yrs)
So I can't relate too feeling sad, I was just so relieved.
Little bit sad I can't instantly shut him by lifting my top up when he's whining now, but hey.

eggontoast · 01/03/2010 11:37

I cried the night I said 'There's no more mummy's milk' to my 2.4 year old. It was sad for a while. I think it will be even more sad when it is my last child.

Now he puts his hand on my boob for comfort before going to sleep instead; he know's he is not allowed to touch the pink bit though!

Original poster
MadameOvary · 01/03/2010 11:46

egg - DD is my one and only
I keep wishing for a get-out ie those people who say that their DC have mainly stopped but get occasional comfort.

OP posts:
chipmonkey · 01/03/2010 11:51

MO, I have just weaned ds4 too and am feeling a bit sad about it, especially as he got a cold and conjunctivitis as soon as we stopped whic really contributed to the guilt!
I have found his appetite for solid food is better and he is more cuddly than before. Also I can buy nice bras in an actual shop for normal prices rather than ordering Hotmilk ones online or buying granny ones in Motthercare!

Original poster
MadameOvary · 01/03/2010 12:37

Yes I have been trying to console myself with the thought of wearing "normal" bras, and not having to wear one at night!

OP posts:
fifitot · 01/03/2010 13:03

Yes nice underwear is a bonus. Re weight issues, I was too skinny when BFing and kind of got back to normal when I stopped which was nice too.

eggontoast · 01/03/2010 13:37

I found I put on weight when I stopped; not really helping here, am I? Sorry.

You really don't have to stop, if you don't want to. It's OK to have a few more months if you want.

eggontoast · 01/03/2010 13:39

your head is saying - it's the right time to stop. Your heart is saying - I love the closeness of breastfeeding and I'm going to miss it. I won't have the chance to do it again. It is sad. And normal to feel weepy when you stop.

The sad feelings I had only lasted a week or so, but, unlike you, I had plans to have another so it was not forever. For you, it is forever, so it hurts a lot more I bet.

Be brave if it's really what you want.

chipmonkey · 01/03/2010 13:58

Actually, that is a good point eggsontoast. Do you really want to stop or have to stop for any reason, MO?

Original poster
MadameOvary · 01/03/2010 14:08

No I don't want to stop but feel I "should"
I've had a good chat with my midwife friend who says that it sounds like DD is winding down anyway and one little daily feed if she asks wont hurt, and if I want to dissuade DD from her night time feeds that's ok.
This way it stays gradual and my feeling is DD will stop herself before long.
FFS I am 40, ridiculous that I need "permission" to stop!

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 01/03/2010 14:21

If you are not sure about stopping why not go with "Never offer never refuse" which basically means that you try to avoid opportunities where you would normally feed (like co-sleeping for example, or sitting in a particular chair) but if they ask for it during the day or if they hurt themselves etc and want it then you do let them have some.

Another thing I have started doing with my DS is saying getting him to ask nicely (he signs "milk") and today I asked him to ask nicely and he signed it and then ran off to do something else, so he obviously didn't want it that much anyway!

Original poster
MadameOvary · 01/03/2010 15:27

Bertie that's pretty much what I have been doing up till now
I love all the independent, strong minded voices on here!

OP posts:
eggontoast · 02/03/2010 09:00

MO - Don't feel pressurised to stop all together if you and DD don't want to because of social pressures.

You can keep it for 'in private' and explain to DD that she can have milk at home, but not out and about for instance. I did this.

I always say go with your instincts. Other, often well meaning, often prejudiced people think that there is a magic age to stop and try to make you see it. The magic age is when either one of you or both has had enough and thinks it is the right time to finish.

eggontoast · 02/03/2010 09:02

Why don't you see how 'sad' you feel about stopping in a few more months. The older DD gets, the less sad you will feel about it, I would reckon.

PrettyCandles · 02/03/2010 19:20

Are you looking for permission to stop, or are you looking for permission to continue breastfeeding?

The truth is that it doesn't matter what anybody else says or does, if it feels good for you and it feels good for her, then it's fine to do it. Whether 'it' is stopping, continuing, or letting what happens happen.

Pannacotta · 02/03/2010 19:30

I'd leave stopping until you are both happier with it.
I agree you will prob feel less sad once she is older and she obviously wants to carry on if she is still asking.

One feed a day can still be a huge comfort to a toddler even if it might appear insignificant to you.

I am still feeding DS2 who is 2.9, he doesnt feed evey day and is winding down but its nice for stopping to be a gradual thing.

chipmonkey · 02/03/2010 20:32

MO, I give you permission to continue!

Original poster
MadameOvary · 03/03/2010 13:00

Aw thankyou everyone!
I guess if I am honest I was looking for permission to continue .
I've decided to to carry on with "Never Offer, Never Refuse", but although DD sticks her hand down my top she hasn't asked for "boob" for three days now. Which is fine. But if she wants it, she can have it

OP posts:
eggontoast · 03/03/2010 18:32

Good for you!

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