Help with weaning 14 month old-sudden change or slow and steady?

[gruffalomum]

My 14 mo DD is still having upto 4 BF a day and sometimes 4 more at night...

I have always fed her on demand and had hoped that alongside BLW she would just drop the BF in her own time but she shows no signs of dropping any more feeds.

I have really mixed feelings about weaning her - in an ideal world I think I would carry on for a while longer but we are desperate to ttc for DC no 2 and I haven't had a period yet since DD.

All of DDs feeds are associated with sleep (its the only way she will nap in the daytime) apart from the morning feed when she wakes up. When I am at work despite being looked after by a very good and hands on daddy and her grandparents who she knows really well she won't sleep and we are all finding this quite hard. At bedtime it can take me 2-3 hours to get her to sleep. During the night (if not teething/ill) she will be settled without milk sometimes but not always which gives me some hope.

We have tried DH settling her and using cows milk in a cup (which she won't touch)but so far no results either for naps or bedtime.

DD will manage without milk if I'm not there for upto 10 hours she eats well and drinks water happily but will always have a feed as soon as she sees me and usually a sleep too.

We are about to move her into her own room which we have delayed as its on a different floor to us and I am wondering whether that is the time to really try again wtih the weaning. I just don't know whether to stop cold turkey or to try a more gradual approach.

The problem I have is knowing what to do when I refuse her the milk. She gets really upset, bangs on my chest and is inconsolable very quickly as she understands that the milk IS there despite me saying that it isn't.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? I would be grateful for any advice. I feel so guilty about stopping as I know she still needs the comfort if not the nutrition but I do think its the right thing to do.

sorry for such a long post

Oh honey, your post isn't too long. I can't really help you myself. Try bumping this tonight once everybody's LO's are all in bed.

Have you had a look on the kellymom website? I know a lot of people on Mumsnet find it really helpful for advice with breastfeeding.

I gave up by 6 months with both of mine

I had some advise from a Health Visitor and Sleep Consultant when trying to get my 8 month old (at the time) to settle / sleep easier. Settling was a nightmare and I was feeding frequently. She suggested cutting right back to 2 feeds a day, morning and evening, moving the evening feed to an hour before bed time so not associated with sleep routine. Getting DS to self settle took a long time but sleep got much better and settling during the day got easier too. See how you feel once you've got that cracked about removing the other two feeds. Who knows, maybe the change will be enough? But if not, she will have gotten used to settling without feeding. Good Luck!!

If you are mainly wanting to wean in order to ttc you could try to night wean and see if your fertility returns, that way you might find you could keep feeding in the daytime for a bit longer?

I think night feeds have a bigger impact on fertility for hormonal reasons.

Every one is different, but I have night weaned my ds at 8 months (some would say a bit harshly but I was desperate for sleep) and my period came back within 2 weeks . I am still feeding on demand during the day which is usually 5 or 6 times including an early morning one between 5-6.

there is an article on a 'gentle' way to do night weaninghere

not the method I used, but there are people on here who have if you do a search.

Thanks all for your support and advice.

I have had a look at Kellymom thank you teaandcake, lots to read there.

The ideas for staggered weaning and separating BF from sleep are really helpful, thank you both DeidreB and caughtintheact.
I think I will start with cutting out night feeds and at the same time try to work on separating the other feeds from sleep and see if that helps. Thanks for the article also, looks good, I actually tried something similar last night to settle DD after her milk - it took a while but seemed to work (until she woke up at 2, and 3 and 4 then ended up in our bed )

I would be so happy if I could start ovulating without having to drop all of DDs feeds...! caughtintheact I think with everything to do with babies the best thing to do is what is best for you and your situation. I am sure many people would think me selfish for considering weaning DD in order to ttc no2 and its not an easy decision but I do feel its right for us.

I think there is nothing wrong with wanting to conceive again and wanting to jig feeds a little if it helps. She'll thank you one day when older, as she'll hopefully have another brother/ sister to play with

Good luck x