Pregnant, need to stop breastfeeding.

[hairymelons]

I'm 6 weeks pregnant, DS is still breastfeeding at 20mo.
I've wanted to stop for ages for purely selfish reasons. Now I know I need to stop well before this next baby arrives so it doesn't upset him too much to see me feeding his sibling.
I've thought about tandem feeding but don't think I could cope- and if the next baby is anything like DS, they'll be clamped to my breast 24 hours a day anyway!
It's not as simple as just stopping though. DS is REALLY attached to the breast (hence still feeding when I'd rather not). Also, DH and I work very long hours (16 hours most days) and, being a sensitive soul, I think he's struggling with this. And I feel guilty for being away from him so much and feel like I can't deny him when he wants to feed because I think I'm already hurting his feelings by being away so much.
Sorry this is a bit long winded. I'm really tired. And that's another reason I want to stop, when he comes into our bed early morning he feeds constantly for hours and I'm just soooo tired I want it to stop.
So how do I stop breastfeeding him without making him even more sad? Help, please.

Just wanted to add my support and sympathy with your situation. It's an extremely tough call being pregnant and breastfeeding, especially with a demanding work schedule to deal with as well.

I was in your shoes a few months ago, although not working such long hours and just about managed to grit my teeth through the exhaustion. I did however end up being off sick for a couple of weeks just being exhausted and having hyperemesis, which gave my body a break. Obviously with your own business to run you don't have this kind of flexibility atm.

I would follow the excellent advice already given and bear in mind that you have done a brilliant job bf for so long.

I was never able to feed while pg - my milok literally dried up at 8 weeks, leading to headbanging children clamping my nipple wondering where it had gone ....... both times. I had been a champion expresser both times and went from 8oz in the morning to nothing. I know that expressing isn't an indication of supply but it is true that both times I was pregnant and bf it happened this way .....

Anyway, I digress.

I was not pregnant and still bf dd2 at 22 months when one morning she got into bed with us as usual, patted my chest and said "moomy mok awgon" (very precocious speaker!!! And has not shut up since). 3 days later she got in (having had a cup of milk in the other mornings) and said "more moomy mok now" and I just said "no dearie its all gone" and she said "cup now then!" and that was that.

She clearly self weaned, and up until then she had been fed 4 times a day. When she chose to stop, I stopped (I was ready by then) and didn't restart when asked - and she was fine with that.

I'm not saying it will be easy with you. But most children are adaptable and if its not on offer then it can't happen .... though that is hugely hard for everyone.

At this age I would sugest, gently, to you that 4 hours of feeding in the morning is comfort for your ds - that's half the time he is spending with you just now and he clearly needs the comfort - does that mean you are only getting 4 hours sleep? Or can you feed and at least doze?

I don't really have any advice but I feel for you. You might find in the next couple of weeks your milk changes/flow slows or stops and he will do it of his own accord (ds, when I was pg with dd2, used to headbang for a bit to try to get some milk and then when he got some he used to spit it out! I just stopped there and then with him - he was 15 months, went on to a cup and daddy did bedtime for a bit ....)

milok = milk.

Just cos I'm from Glasgow doesn't mean I have to spell it like I say it!

Could you try reading How Weaning Happens and Adventures in Tandem Nursing (and yes before anyone jumps on me, I know the OP doesn't want to tandem nurse, but, it might make an interesting read and lots of the anecdotes involve women who have decided not to tandem nurse)
I hope you reach a decision that isn't too difficult for either of you.

Mishy.
Weegiemum, I know it's comfort for him. And no, he's so big now that I can't really doze whilst he feeds anymore. If I could it wouldn't be such a big problem. But right now I'm getting home from work after midnight, getting a couple of hours sleep max then the Big Feed starts! I feel bad for begrudging him when he so clearly needs that reassurance but I'm tired. And I'm bored of hearing myself moan about being tired. Gah.
Thanks though, I do keep hoping he'll self wean so I can avoid the guilt trip!
WOT, I will look at that, thanks. I'm pretty sure I don't want to tandem feed but I'm not completely ruling it out.

congrats i stopped bf'ing ds1 when i was 4mnths pg he was 14mnths he had bn a total boobie monster 1st i did the tough night weaning by telling him for a few days b4 that my milk wud b all gone soon then i bit da bullet & stopped givin any milk b4 6am i jus offered a bottle of juice & spent da 1st few nights rocking, pacing da floor, there were some tears & da 1st nite was def da worse it got way easier a few nights later he was sleeping thru till 7ish where as he had bn snackin all nite, we continued to co-sleep, he never went without a cuddle jus had to accept 'milk all gone' it was so so much easier then i had bn fearing altho the 1st night was awful but i was sure i never wantd to put him thru "the 1st night" again so stuck with it... then over the next two wks i cut out one feed at a time starting wit the nap time 1 & lastly the going to bed 1 it went shockingly very easily, i jus kept talking to him bout it & he had bn a total MILKAHOLIC!!! he went from breakfast, lunch, bedtime & hourly from midnight til morning feeding to weaned n only a few wks with the only the only tear being shed over da middle of da night on da 1st night or two...

I also think da sooner u do it the easier on ye both thats jus my exp, as i hav just stopped bf'ing ds2 last fri & it has bn harder but i wasnt able to stick with the gradual gentle weaning i had bn doing as i got sick had to go to hosp & was pumped full of drugs, i could hav resumed bf'ing after a few days but had always decided i wud wean him by 2 so i didnt want to put him thru the really hard 1st few days then giv him back his milk only to put him thru it all again... It has bn hard i wont lie, fri was awful nt helped by da fact i was stil n alot of pain, sat nite was bad & its bn made way worse by him gettin sick so he really wants it eve more but it has gotten way easier everyday it really is & he didnt even cry da last two nights jus slapped my boob last nite & said 'bold milk' then rolled over... He is stil askin for 'mamas milk' & when he gets p'd off he says 'my milk' he has/is def finding it alot harder then his brother did & so am I mayb my happy pg hormones kept me going last time but i feel quite miserable this time dono if my exp's wil help ya at all but i wud reccommend takin it slow but starting as soon as possible if that is your decision, best of luck xxx

Thanks poohbearsmum. Everyone's experience helps loads.
DS has miraculously started sleeping through again the last 2 nights, no idea why. He must know I'm on my knees!
So there's been no early morning feed as we've just got up with him. Also didn't feed him before bed the last 2 nights and he wasn't bothered. Really wanted it before his naps mind.
Have been housebound with flu the last couple of days so I think being around more has made him feel more settled.

Im glad its eased a bit for you HM, its very hard when ur exhausted everything feels uphill, i hope ya feel better soon xxx