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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Feeders over a year, what did you do in public?

28 replies

dorisbonkers · 19/02/2010 18:46

Hello. Have a 16-month old daughter who feeds on demand. I've never EVER had an issue feeding her anywhere (even the tube) and to be honest I'm respectful of other people's space and eyes and just get on with it.

I work three days a week and DH looks after her those days and brings her to Canary Wharf most lunchtimes and we have lunch and she's usually hanging for a feed. Usually she's saying or shouting 'mummy, mummy, I want TIT, give TIT'. Charming.

Anyway. In recent weeks if someone has caught my eye I've sensed a bit of, well, not rancour, but some odd looks.

Now, you may say, bugger them, you feed your baby and yes, of course I will. But I suppose feeding over the age of one brings out some strange opinions and odd feelings -- among fellow mums as well as the childless.

She'll easily go a whole day without a feed but if she sees me, she'll not rest til she has one. I like to see her at lunchtimes and it also gives DH a chance to break the day up a bit.

So, did you stop feeding in public when they were fully walking and talking?

OP posts:
DitaVonCheese · 19/02/2010 20:05

My DD is 16 months too. I do still feed her in public as well (today on the swings in the park - that was a new one!) but definitely a lot less than I used to (but then she feeds a lot less) and only if she is really persistent. Though tbh when I say "public" it's often at a baby group or a soft play place, which you'd expect to be more tolerant. Having said that, I have had a couple of people saying "Gosh, you're doing well to still be feeding her!" and I do wonder if they actually mean "Blegh, what are you doing?" - oh, and my mum (bfed three DC of her own) has also told me I should stop in public now.

Only vaguely negative comment I've had was on a tractor ride on the way back from a farm (it's the only way to get to and from the car park), when the woman opposite me said "There's a time and a place for everything" but wasn't entirely sure whether it was aimed at me or not, and DD was much smaller then, must have been late last summer I think.

It helps to know there are other people out there doing it too

TrinityIsFallingApart · 19/02/2010 20:07

gecko is 3 now (just)
I'll feed her anywhere
literally

dont worry about it

MrsMotMot · 19/02/2010 20:08

Hi doris-
still feeding my 15mo (not as articulate as your dd, he just signs 'milk' frantically, then if he gets nowhere starts derobing me) and I am starting to feel a few looks as well. Family are also a bit. I have friends who are still feeding at the same age but not demand feeding anymore so rarely when out and about.

Oddly the most uncomfortable I've felt was at my bf group, there are a few ff mums with newborns that come and I think they are a bit at such a big baby, well, toddler, bf. I remember when he was nb any older baby seemed humungous. Sorry I don't have any advice, I'll watch this thread with interest. I'll be visiting my family abroad soon and it's a very prudish tropical place, so ds will be thirsty... hmmmm!

sweetnitanitro · 19/02/2010 20:51

I'm still feeding my 16 mo DD in public. She eats very little solid food she feeds a lot. She doesn't talk much but she has various ways of letting me know she wants it from agitated bouncing to lifting my top up- I wear vest tops underneath to spare everyone the sight of my stomach . A few people have expressed surprise that I'm still feeding her but I haven't had any particularly negative looks or comments (mind you, I am quite thick oblivious when it comes to that kind of thing)

There was another thread about this the other day where it was mentioned a few times that older baby and toddler feeding in public will become normalised if we all just ignore the funny looks and comments and carry on.

OrmRenewed · 19/02/2010 20:53

Fed. What else? Ignore the twats.

Actually I rarely encountered any problems probably because I refused to look for them.

I think I stopped in public after the age of about 2.5

fluffles · 19/02/2010 20:54

i'm not at that stage but thanks for that description as i've now sworn to be VERY careful what i call feeding to my newborn as i don't ever want a toddler shouting at me for 'tit'

the feeding part however, i've no problem with.

geordieminx · 19/02/2010 20:56

The only part of what you described that I would find offensive is a 16 month old shouting tit. Dont get me wrong, I swear with the best of them, but I dont really think its a nice word to be coming out of the mouth of a baby/toddler/child/whatever.

That is likely to cause more IMO than you b/fing.

Jacksmama · 19/02/2010 21:06

Could you possibly teach her to say "milkies" or "baba" or any other word instead of "tit"? I agree with whomever it was who said that it's her shouting "tit" in public is probably more the source of looks.

DS turned 2 years old last week and still feeds on demand. He can be quite insistent, tapping my chest and saying "baba, baba, BABA!!!". If I fail to respond he does what my friend calls "the boob salute" which is stick his hand down my shirt. I just pick him up, lay him across my lap and get on with it. I may have gotten funny looks, I don't know because usually I'm smiling down at DS or having a rest myself, but tbh, I could care less. If anyone ever said anything to me I would probably ask "and how exactly is this any of your business?".

notsotinybaba · 19/02/2010 21:07

Still bf DD 14 months, but not in public since was 10 months as she cut down herself to just early morning and bedtime feeds. I agree with the earlier post though, that said the more people feed older children in public, the more accepted it will become.

thisisyesterday · 19/02/2010 21:09

i used to just feed.
i used to pre-empt him a lot though, so would offer the breast before he started clawing my top off and eating me through my jumper lol

BoffinMum · 19/02/2010 21:21

FWIW I have to say 'tit' sounds a bit sweary to me ... I think I would turn my head if a kid started yelling that.

I have retrained my LO to stop pulling down my top after a particularly graphic undressing in IKEA recently, and now if he wants feeding he looks hopeful and makes urgent noises if I ask him if he wants num num. I prefer that to his old-style 'boob salute'!

Original poster
dorisbonkers · 19/02/2010 21:24

Hahaha, don't get me wrong, I didn't teach her to say 'tit' but she has heard me talking to DH about the vicissitudes of bfeeding over the past year and picked it up.

She'll also say 'boobies' and milk'

Besides, I don't consider 'tit' a swear word, as such. More a slang word, and not particularly derogatory. But yes, a little embarrassing

God, we're talking about a child who picked up a copy of The Naked Civil Servant and shouted 'gays!'....

Mind you, the asking for 'tit' is separate from the feeding, because usually I'll meet her near my office (and she'll clamour) and walk to somewhere to sit down and feed her. So I know the looks and odd whisper are to do with the feeding, which is, it has to be said, orderly and brief -- none of this 9-12 month waving, wriggling and bobbing nonsense.

I can usually preempt her when we're home or at the weekend, but not when DH has brought her to me and she's anxious to reconnect.

I suppose it helps that she's on the little side, so she doesn't look like a 15-1/2 month old.

OP posts:
Jacksmama · 19/02/2010 21:27

People can take their odd attitudes about breastfeeding and shove them, for all of me... go on with your "orderly feeds" (LOL - that made me laugh), and sod what they think.

BoffinMum · 19/02/2010 21:29

LOL at least she's not yelling 'Norks!'

Original poster
dorisbonkers · 19/02/2010 22:00

or DUGS shudder

It's funny, she's decided that 'tit' is the concept of bfeeding, 'boobies' are the actual article and that 'nipple', is nipple and that 'milk' is what comes out.

The lesson here, folks, is be careful what you call your breasts when moaning to your husband about mastitis/feeding-to-sleep/nipple sores....

OP posts:
Original poster
dorisbonkers · 19/02/2010 22:01

It's good to know others just get on with it too. You just don't see it. I've NEVER seen it outside the home environment.

OP posts:
moaningminniewhingesagain · 19/02/2010 22:10

DS is 14mo, I fed him in a pub a couple of weeks ago, but only because I hadn't fed him for ages that day.

Mostly we only feed at home now but I don't mind feeding him when we're out, I don't care what anyone thinks and am quite discreet - more bothered about flashing my flabbelly than my breasts TBH.

hellymelly · 19/02/2010 22:14

I think other people get twitchy at anything over 6m,but I fed my dds out and about until they dropped the lunchtime feed so I guess around 2,slightly before maybe,I can't remember!

4andnotout · 19/02/2010 22:19

DD4 is nearly 16months and mainly down to morning and night feeds but if she gets tired whilst out I will feed her in public. She asks for "drink" loudly and taps my boobs, she is a petite little thing and people are usually shocked to see her running about so no one seems to raise an eyebrow at me feeding her in public.

eggontoast · 19/02/2010 22:22

With ds1 I fed in secret almost from birth because I was too afraid of hurting others feelings or getting told off.

Now I am much more brave, dd1 gets fed where ever and when ever I want. I am discrete. When babe gets over 1 year, I will aim to have only feeding at night and morning but this is because of work commitments not not wanting to.

Jacksmama · 20/02/2010 03:01

I really think it's sad that we seem to have to defend breastfeeding toddlers. Or babies of any age!!! I frequently want to smack people in the face with the WHO guidelines which say "up to two years and beyond if mutually desirable".

ProcessYellowC · 20/02/2010 03:58

I still feed when out and about, DS 23 mos and I felt similar to you when he was about 18 mos, but generally if he wants fed whilst out and about its because he is so tired, and it just causes more agro not to feed him. Then when I get on with it no-one can tell when he's breastfeeding or just sleeping.

I love how your DD has sussed all various words for bf. DS has very few words at all, but he has started calling one of my breasts "daddy" .

Hulla · 20/02/2010 07:24

I am mid-way through Ann Sinnotts book - bf older children & the first few chapters have made me think about the attitudes I'm up against in continuing to feed 13 month old dd. It's made me really sad and then angry and now I want to do something.

So I will continue feeding dd in public and in front of family - or how will attitudes change if I treat it like our dirty secret?

I fed dd in a tea room a couple of weeks ago but I did suddenly feel conscious of her size & how people might think she looks too old.

I have heard that there is a LLL toddler group near me so I have vounteered my help. It would be nice to be near other mums bf older babies.

belgo · 20/02/2010 07:43

My ds is 16 months and talking far less then the OP's dd - but I will not be teaching him to say tit! (unless it's to describe a bird in our garden)

I suppose I would feed him in public but he very rarely wants milk in public, he's too distracted by everything that is going on.

belgo · 20/02/2010 07:44

This week I have bf in front of friends who I hardly ever see, some of them looked surprised, but no-one looked disapproving.