Overwhelmed - baby 2 weeks +5

[xfingerscrossedx]

Hi all

I have a beautiful baby boy and after a wobbly start where he dropped from 6lbs 11 to 5lbs 11 at day 5, he is now 7lbs 8. We were re-admitted to hospital on day 5 as he had lost too much weight and I was told to express as much breastmilk as possible and top up with aptimil. Felt and still feel a total failure.

Since then have been permanently expressing/feeding and am managing to give him all breast milk with the exception of perhaps one feed a day. I am also managing to breastfeed occasionally, but have lost all confidence with this. Spoke to a Breastfeeding Counseller person at the hospital, who assured me I was 'fine', but felt like I was being tested before I was allowed to go home.

I am more than happy to keep going with this for now, but obviously my 'feeding time' is being doubled. Have just invested in an electric pump, which I am hugely looking forward to. However, I don't know how long I can keep going with the expressing and feeding as I'm exhausted.

Under a lot of pressure from family not to go back to breastfeeding due to baby's weight loss and I am getting totally neurotic about how much he's eating and really panicing that he'll lost weight again... stupid I know. I'm putting a huge pressure on myself to produce enough milk.

Also every health professional I see gives me 'that look' when I say I'm expressing. I'm a fairly intelligent person, but feel like I'm being treated like a moron and feel like I have to keep apologising and justifying myself for not breastfeeding.

Sorry for length of post and rant, but I feel totally rubbish about it all x

oh poor you congratulations on your DS though!
you're doing amazingly well to express for so many feeds!
do you have a bfing drop in/cafe/clinic near you? or a la leche league chapter? if the bf counsellor at the hospital was no good, then it's worth hunting down another one.
also, have you tried lots of skin to skin, just relaxing with your baby, and letting him feed if he's up to it? there's a thing called biological nurturing which is lovely and relaxing for both of you (in theory!)

hopefully someone with more experience/knowledge than me will be along soon

Are you me 3 years ago? I went through very similar.

First of all - STOP agonising over how much he has had (time wise for bf or ounce wise for ff). I became obsessed and if he had slighlty less one day I panicked. Stop the pattern right now just tell yourself that so long as he has wet nappies, is pooing and seems to be gaining weight you will not worry about it.

His weight gain to me sounds fab - am I reading it right? He has put on almost a pound on top of his birth weight in 2 weeks? ds took ages ot get back to birth weight (8,11) and no-one was panicking about him (at that stage).

PS You are not a failure! If you read this thread by someone else would you think ' God what a failure' or would you think 'they sound like a great mum doing the best they can and their kid sounds like he's thriving' I think the latter.

Wow, I think you're doing brilliantly and obviously really determined.

My DS had a big weight loss at about 12 weeks (and it took him 6 to get back to his birth weight) and I know how it knocks your confidence.

But he seemes like he's really been piling on the weight now which must be a relief.
What do you need to get back to breastfeeding him yourself instead of expressing? AFAIK, feeding at the breast is a more efficient way (and obviously less time consuming)of feeding him than expressing. Is it just a question of having some faith in your ability to feed?

I've been using a supplemental nursing system to 'top' up my DS. The milk goes through a tube in to the baby's mouth as you breast feed. (I've posted recently about these and I'm not on commission from medela honest!). The baby then gets breastmilk and an extra bit too (either ebm or ff)But it's worked well for me and we're getting an average weight gain of 6oz a week now.

It's a shame that you aren't getting the support from your family- this is the time when you need it. But there's lots of support and help from other places - MN for one or NCT, leche league etc. I saw a brilliant NHS infant feeding specialist who visited me at home (after I refused to see the HV again, but that's another story )

Don't be too hard on yourself, take some time to rest and enjoy your DS and remember that it's early days still and things will get better.