Help please - 3 weeks in. Will I ever BF?

[Claire149]

I'd really appreciate some advice. I'm a first time mum and my daughter is 3w+5days old. I've been trying to bf since she was born but think we've made some mistakes along the way and now I can't see how we'll get there.

At the moment I'm expressing 6x/day with a double electric pump and that gives her ~50% of her feeds. I'm topping up with Aptimel. We're now feeding her with a bottle as we had had enough stress cup feeding her (she spluttered so much I thought she would choke). First mistake I think was giving in to a MW to top her up with formula when she was 2 days old as she told me she was so hungry and not getting enough even with me hand expressing practically 24/7. She was syringe fed then.

She fed from me at birth (em c-section after long induction) and has managed a handful of times since then. Mostly she won't latch on and recently she will just suck on my nipple - ouch.

Yesterday we tried using nipple shields as I've been told I have flat nipples. She latched on perfectly with the shields and fed 25mins on R and 15 mins on L. She was swallowing and definitely getting some milk but she wouldn't settle afterwards and then took her usual amonut of EBM afterwards! Next feed she would only suck on the nipple part of the shield, no proper latch and same again this morning!

I'm trying to give her skin to skin as much as possible but I'm feeling really down about being stuck on the pump and feel like I'm missing out on time with her. I'm not even giving her the chance every feed now as it's so disheartening when it doesn't work ( I know this is wrong). My DH is at home too which is great so he feeds her and changes her whilst I'm pumping.

We're feeding her every 3 hours during the day (2 - 2.5 hours evening) and waking her after 4 hours max during the night if she doesn't wake before then.

She is putting on weight and is a content baby and sleeping well. She was 7lb 12oz at birth.

I really want to BF but just can't see how to get out of this hole.

Can I really turn this around after so much time and how on earth do I get her to latch on properly? And then even if we get a proper latch, how do I get enough milk to stop the top ups?

Thanks so much for reading this far. Any advice much appreciated.

Claire

i expressed for my ds who was born prem.

when i transitioned to bf from the breast i would give him a little bm to 'perk him up' and give him the energy to latch - maybe 25 ml (not quite an ounce) then latch him on, and let him feed.

when he was finished actively feeding - this means actual swallowing - i would unlatch him and top him up with more expressed milk.

eventually, he took less and less milk. however i was cupfeeding him - many babies will down a bottle after a feed + it doesn't indicate that they aren't full.

it took about 6 weeks to get to full bf.

it is hard bloody work expressing - you are doing v well.

if i were you though i would want someone who knows (ie nct bf counsellor, la leche league counsellor, board certified lactation consultant) to come and watch a feed.

it should be turn-aroundable, good luck.

hth

you may need to express more often - 8-10 times in 24 hours, with at least one of those overnight. i was feeding ds every 3 hours though, like you - the frequent expressing is to build and keep up your supply.

are you using an electric pump? it is faster and easier than a manual. even better is a hospital grade electric pump. you should be able to hire them from your local hospital, or your local nct branch.

You need to see a breastfeeding counsellor who can help you sort out your latch.

As disheartening as it is, you should be giving her as many opportunities as possible to feed from you.

When I was in a similar position to you I took to bed with my DD, both of us nearly naked and just had lots of skin to skin and encouraged her to feed as much as possible.

I also stopped giving her milk from a bottle and used cups/syringes until we had the latch issue sorted.

This is sortable, I'm sure it is. You're doing really well to be keeping so many balls in the air - when you only have breastfeeding to worry about it will seem very easy compared to all this.

congrats on your bub and well done for expressing and getting as much BM into her as you are. It is possible to turn it round, but it certainly isn't going to be easy. I think you need to be working with a breastfeeding counsellor to help you with a schedule for dropping the top ups and increasing the breast feeds, and with your latching issues and dropping the nipple shields

Someone more knowledgeable than me will be along soon I hope, but in the meantime are you seeing a qualified BF counsellor, or just the local HCPs? The numbers for the helplines are HERE. she will be starting to have growth spurts soon (around 3 week's is a typical big growth spurt time) so I think you need some help to get you through this time

Can you go back to basics with her and just take to bed with her for a few days, with lots and lots of skin to skin and allowing her free access to the breast? It's a lovely way to shut out the stresses of the world as well as give you some quality mum and baby bonding. Also, have a look at biological nurturing for ways to help her get latched on. there is also a fabulous video showing a newborn baby finding its own way to its mum's breast and latching on; it has worked with older babies as well.

for information on feeding with flat nipples, have a look here

I'm sure you know that the best way to increase your supply is to feed feed and feed some more, and I think that once you get the latch sorted, the rest will follow.

I hope that helps a bit, but you are doing incredibly well and sound like a pretty determined mum

Thanks so much for the quick replies and the support.

I'm using an ameda lactaline electric pump and think it's pretty good and have been attending the BF clinic at our local hospital. The advice there is good but it's only once a week so I try something they suggest and if it doesn't work or brings a new issue, it's a week to the next session which isn't ideal. I will call one of the helplines today - will someone actually come to our home for this? I had no idea this help was available.

I would love to take her to bed for a day or so but what happens if she won't latch, do I give her EBM or keep at it??? Do I just give her enough to calm her and keep trying to get her latched on?

I had a look at the Bio Nurturing site and the laid back position is the main one I'm trying. I also realise I do NOT have true flat nipples so that's good news I think.

Thanks again and I'll let you all know how I get on with it.

Ok, first of all, the sucking-on-only-the-nipple thing is something that using the bottles will only encourage her to do.

Does the BF clinic at the hospital teach finger-feeding or assisted feeding? You use a tube, attached to your finger, or your nipple, to let the baby suck up formula or EBM. It makes her work a bit harder for her milk (depending on how high or low you put the bottle with the milk in it).

It sounds like you've had a really hard time of it, and you're doing your best.

Ah, Claire, your problems sound very similar to my own - but the good news is, the action I've taken does seem to be doing the trick and my DD is now well on the way to proper BF.

Check out the thread here for the advice I had and what I did.

It IS resolvable, but it takes patience and perseverence, not to mention emotional strength. You sound determined, though - that's what you need to sort it.

I'll probably be flamed alive for this but......
My ds is 1 week today also born by elcs and also fed well in recovery. We then had a hideous 4 days in hospital as he really struggled to latch on (partial Tongue tie and poor technique - pushes his Tongue up and sucks his top lip).
I've spent hours at bf clinic and with mw's and they can't get him to latch on (with and w/o nipple shields) and doing skin to skin. I started bottle feeding ebm and now that's all I do (producing enough at moment to feed exclusively ebm). It all became incredibly distressing both for me and him so yesterday I decided to ditch the bf. I'll carry on feeding ebm for as long as I can and then ff - every day he has ebm is a bonus but lots of fantastic people were ff.
Since making this decision I've been so much happier. Sorry for all my wittering but what I'm trying to say is breast may be best but NOT in my view of ruining your first few months as a mummy.
Good luck with whatever you decide.

claire, are you seeing a BFing counsellor? I think it's really important that you get someone on board. And although MWs and HVs have had some BF training, they are not, ime, trained in all aspects of BFing problem solving.

Just make sure that you always offer the breast first, and try and get to her before she is really hungry so that she can have a go at getting herself latched on but isn't ready to scream in hunger iyswim.