Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Flip

Original poster

Keen to breastfeed but worried about DH bonding

17 replies

passionberry · 16/02/2010 16:59

I am really keen to breast feed DD1 (due in April) and had my "breastfeeding talk" with the midwife yesterday. She said not to worry about expressing milk as she felt that mum should do all the feeding at first. Which is fine by me but will DH get a chance to bond with the baby? Most of my friends seem to have bottlefed and always go on about how great it was for their partners to feed the baby. Will DH feel left out? He is so excited about the baby and I am worried it will all be a bit of a disappointment if he literally never gets a look in?

OP posts:

shonaspurtle · 16/02/2010 17:03

He can bath your baby, sing to your baby, walk your baby up and down when she/he cries, change your baby's nappy, massage your baby, take your baby out for walks, hug your baby, kiss your baby, play with your baby.

He can look after your baby every second of every day that you're not feeding if you like!

When you wean the baby he can look after all the meals if he likes.

Nah, the bottle-to-bond is such a load of crock. It's a nice thing for him to do if you're ff or expressing for sure, but not worth the hassle of early expressing just for the sake of it.

TheOldestCat · 16/02/2010 17:05

I think bonding is about so much more than feeding - DH never fed DD milk from bottles as I BF until she was 18 months, but they are as close as they can be. So worry not.

Bonding is about spending time together, cuddling, playing, looking into each other's eyes etc etc - not who is dispensing the milk. Your DH can do the burping after the feed, change nappies, cuddle and calm DD and so on - lots of lovely moments.

If it's very important to you, you can express milk once everything's established. But really, you might find this isn't an issue. See how you go.

And congrats on your pregnancy!

arolf · 16/02/2010 17:06

of course he can bond with the baby! nappy changes, bath times, cuddles, winding, helping you get some sleep by taking baby out for a walk. In fact, the only thing he can't do is feed her!
I'm breastfeeding my 20 week old ds, and he just LOVES his daddy to bits - seriously, DP gets in from work, and screaming hell child switches on his highest watt grin, positively beams at his father, and becomes all sweetness and light. makes me feel a bit unloved sometimes tbh

good luck, and enjoy your baby!

StealthPolarBear · 16/02/2010 17:07

TBH DH has admitted he didn't feel wonderfully bonded with either DC until they became a bit more interactive. Tiny babies tend to need mums whether bf or ff. Hasn't done any harm, as soon as DS could crawl he was off to the front door like a shot when he heard DH's car

shonaspurtle · 16/02/2010 17:10

Actually, thinking about it, dh's things when ds was tiny were bath and settling at bedtime.

I bf for 14 months so that's long over now ds is 3, but his daddy and ds times, the bathtime and bedtime are still going strong. That's their special time and lasts much longer than giving the odd bottle.

oopsandbabycoconut · 16/02/2010 17:17

I bf DD until 16mo and DH never felt left out - he spent hours in the evenings sitting in his arm chair with DD skin to skin on his chest, as she has got older he is responsible for bathtime and stories before bed. No bonding problems at all.

ChairmumMiaow · 16/02/2010 17:18

DH's bonding time with our DS was taking him for walks in the sling, all snuggled up together. Or watching TV with DS asleep on his chest Plenty of things other than feeding to be done.

I expressed from 4 weeks as he was a cluster feeder and I didn't really know what I was doing (I would try nearly anything), and TBH, the noise of DH trying to get a very reluctant DS to take a bottle of EBM kept me up or woke me up half the time, on top of all the faff of expressing, sterilising and the fact that the cluster feeding didn't improve until after I stopped the bottles as my supply at that time didn't get a chance to be stimulated!

DH hated the fight over the bottle too. I know some of them like bottles but it was never a positive experience for either of us.

Bucharest · 16/02/2010 17:20

Bonding with the baby over a bottle is the stock reason given by formula feeders to make breastfeeders feel doubts.

He can change all Junior's nappies if he wants...how much closer can you get?

Seriously, don't worry. Dad will bond just fine when he sees that tiny bundle!

cassell · 16/02/2010 17:22

I'd agree with everyone else there is so much your dh can do to bond with your baby which doesn't involve feeding! In the first few weeks my ds used to love lying on dh's chest after feeding and having a nice snooze, oh and dh was much better at burping him that I was so I used to hand him over after feeding for dh to wind him and then give him a cuddle - gave him something that he was best at iyswim. Also when ds was a bit older (6-8wks or so) I used to put him in the bath with dh so they could have nice skin to skin contact. ds is now 10mo and as arolf says he's always so happy when dh comes home from work - he gets much bigger smiles from ds than I do !

StealthPolarBear · 16/02/2010 17:23

OH yes, DS used to fall asleep while DH danced with him and then they'd both sleep for ages ahhh
Have to admit I did express for him to do one feed most days - no reason you can't do this after the first month or so really. I haven't this time - o time!

PuzzleRocks · 16/02/2010 17:24

DH couldn't be closer to our two girls and they have never had a bottle.
He wore them in the sling whenever we went out.
He bathed, dressed, cuddled, sang to, changed nappies. There are plenty of other things your DH can do.

Congrats on your pregnancy. April babies are fab.

Original poster

passionberry · 16/02/2010 17:26

Oh good, that's what I wanted to hear! I didn't think of bathing the baby but that sounds like a good bonding thing for DH to do. We have also bought a sling/baby carrier thing which he seems keen to use!

I am also hoping to avoid bottles/ sterilisers etc (due to lack of space and also laziness!)

Eeek, I hope this breastfeeding marlarky works out - I'm sure I will be on here lots asking questions in the coming months!

OP posts:

GoldenSnitch · 16/02/2010 17:38

I really don't understand this thing about feeding being the only way to bond with a baby. Yes, it's a big part of the first weeks but there are lots of other things too that Daddies can join in with as others have mentioned.

And I found the breast feeding helped me bond with DH. He was/is so proud of me for feeding our children and finds the sight of me feeding so amazing and beautiful that it's certainly helped our relationship while we've both been tired and grumpy. We're closer than ever!

DS and DH are super close and I fed him to 6 months. DD is only 8 weeks old and she already turns towards his voice when he speaks over anyone else -she loves him even without a bottle.

cleanandclothed · 16/02/2010 17:47

For the first week after we were home from hospital I only held DS when I fed him. (I say 'only' - it was still about half the day ). DH did everything else - he had to show me how to change a nappy the day before he went back to work! Needless to say they have a great bond and I am still feeding DS 16 months.

Species8472 · 16/02/2010 17:57

DD is 7m and has had a total of one bottle of expressed milk from DH - they have a lovely bond, he plays with her, baths her, takes her for walks, takes her one morning a weekend so I can get more sleep, oh and of course does napppies .

In the early hazy weeks of bf DH brought me drinks, snacks, remote control etc. and basically looked after me while I fed DD, so we all got time together the 3 of us. Do not fret about the bonding, and enjoy the last part of your pregnancy .

mathanxiety · 16/02/2010 18:06

There's so much baby care beyond feeding. I hate the word bonding.

This is a time to 'bond' with you too, for your DH, and for you both to get used to each other as parents -- your DH can contribute to the feeding by making bfing as stress-free and easy for you as possible. Can he cook? Can he grocery-shop? Can he run the hover around? That's bonding. It's doing something for someone else for the greater good.

BouncingTurtle · 16/02/2010 18:31

Congratulations

I would second what everyone else says, there is more to bonding than feeding

DS was exbf for first 6 months and rarely had a bottle. Dh would take him off me after a feed and wind him, he often used to rock him to sleep.
IN the early days, at night DH would pick DS up lie him beside me and help latch him on me for a feed, and did night nappy changes too. I was very lucky as DH did loads with DS. I honestly don't think he feels any less bonded because he didn't have a big role in feeding DS.

Flip