Do I stop breastfeeding? Please help

[lou031205]

I have 3 children, DD1 (4.2, with SN), DD2 (2.6) and DD3 (10 months).

I am currently BF DD3, but I am wondering whether to stop. I feel very conflicted.

DD3 is co-sleeping, and feeding frequently both day and night. She won't sleep alone, and won't sleep without a feed. I can't put her in the cot to sleep, so several times a day, and all evening, I am pinned to the sofa while she sleeps.

I can't spend hours upstairs trying to settle her, because DD1 has no sense of danger and has to be supervised.

I am starting to feel that the only solution is to stop feeding.

DD2 did similar until 11 months, when I night-weaned then stopped feeding her. Until then she had done exactly what DD3 is doing. We gradually moved from feeding to sleep to cuddling to sleep, to holding hands, to lying next to the bed, to sitting on the bed, to just saying goodnight. Now she is a very good sleeper, happily trotting to her cot, and settling straight away.

I feel guilty for thinking of stopping. It is lovely, and a privilege to be able to feed her. The connection as she feeds is so special.

BUT - she is unsettled all night unless I am feeding her. I can't do anything in the evening, at all. DH has to do a full-time job then do all the jobs that need doing in the evening, because DD3 still won't settle without me.

We have tried bottles, and she refuses. He has tried settling her, and she settles for around 5 minutes after 1 hour of crying while cuddling, then awakes to start it all again.

I don't know what to do. Will I damage her if I stop?

at this age can you try cutting right down rather than stopping?
Sympathy - that all sounds so hard!

She is very persistant. Last night she was feeding/suck almost all night. I am exhausted

Co-sleeping isn't working for you, so I suggest you stop that, not the bf. Why deprive the baby of 2 things at once? It'll be hard enough weaning her away from co-sleeping without stopping bf at the same time.

I agree with elasticwoman - it's just the sleep you need to crack. If you switched her to a bottle she still migth need just as much cuddling and you'd have given up bf for no good reason.

I know she's a bit younger than he suggests but have a read of this Jay Gordon article, which is basically what you did with dd2.

Accept it might be grim in the short term for both you and DH while you get it sorted, but think ahead to 3m time or so when you'll be able to put her down without a whimper at 7pm and reclaim your evenings...

sounds to me like more of a sleep issue than a feeding issue? my DS (now 5mo) was very similar up until a few weeks ago - feeding 1.5-2 hourly all day & night, wouldn't sleep unless being cuddled or sleeping next to me etc. i went to see a clinical psychologist at the local children's centre who was running an advice session on getting your baby to sleep - is there anything like this available in your area? (try asking HV or children's centre) the advice she gave me was to put him down in his cot when he was getting dozy rather than fully asleep, & that DP and i had to be consistent - not letting him fall asleep on my lap & getting too comfy. within 2 days he was like a different baby, & he now does naps of anything from 1-4 hours in his cot. we also sometimes use a dummy to help soothe him & a sound box that plays womb noises.

could you get a pop-up bubble cot or something to sit in the lounge with you during the day so you can put your DD down for naps in there? that way if you need to spend a bit of time helping her to settle you can still keep an eye on DD1. i've found that DS is a lot less choosy about where he'll sleep now (he fell asleep wrapped up in a towel lying on a very hard bench in the swimming pool changing rooms the other week - that would never have happened a few weeks previously!) so maybe once you've cracked the sleeping in a cot bit, you can work on the overnight bit. we're still co-sleeping at night & it can be really exhausting, but i've found it much easier to cope with now i can have decent naps during the day, & in a few weeks we'll try & get him to spend less time in our bed overnight & more time in his cot.

good luck with finding a solution to this - i know i was starting to reach breaking point from sleep deprivation last month after 4 months, so i can hardly imagine how you must feel after 11 months & with 2 other DDs

Thank you for replies. Perhaps I should try putting the cot side up.