Anyone else out there?

[Emmie412]

I would quite like to hear from other mums who have trouble breastfeeding, i.e. simply not getting the latch on correctly despite lots of help and who are now thinking of bottle feeding. There's a lot of support for breastfeeding women but practically none for women who are considering bottle feeding.

I'm a mum of 3 week old baby girl and have managed to cause myself major anxiety/stress due to breastfeeding difficulties and sleep deprivation... in fact to the point now that I'm getting depressed as nothing seems like a solution and my doctor is referring me to a counsellor as the anxiety that started from feeding is now spreading to other areas as well and I'm often in a constant state of overdrive.

Is there anyone else out there in this position?

There are lots of people out there who have been where you are now. I was 5 years ago with DS1. I found the number of the NCT local breastfeeding cousellor on one of the millions of bits of paper that came with the baby and she came round to my house and was really helpful. I breastfed ds1 for 8 months and was really glad i did.

I made the decision to switch to bottles at 8 days as was so miserable, sore and baby wasnt gaining weight- i still feel guilty at times but he is healthy and happy now + i express 2 bottles a day as thats all i can manage

It IS stressful, isn't it? BF has been my biggest source of stress too.

I've invested in a lactation aid and an electric expresser to try and encourage my no rooting/ no latching newborn to get the hang of breast feeding - she gets a supplement from the lactation aid at most of her feeds which means I know she's getting enough for weight gain, while she takes my milk at the same time and gradually learns how to bf. At first the supplement was formula, but I've built up my supply with lots of expressing, so now it's 100 per cent breast milk.

That said, it's an expensive and time-consuming approach, so not for everyone.

Don't beat yourself up if you have to switch to bottles - or maybe just top-up with bottles so she's still getting your milk. Or, if you've got time, express for the top ups.

Main thing is that your baby is getting the nourishment she needs, whether from you or from formula. Loads of my nieces and nephews were exclusively bottle-fed and they are happy, healthy kids.

You aren't a failure if you switch to bottles, you are a caring mum doing the best for your child.

Poor you- it sounds like you've had a hard time with it. I've had loads of problems with breasfeeding but was determined to do it and it's paid off.

It's still early days for you and I can only say that it does get easier. I know when you're in it, it doesn't feel like there's light at the end of the tunnel- but there is.

Be kind to yourself and try to relax a bit. Rest when you can and ignore the cleaning, etc that will be calling to you.

Maybe just give yourself some time to rest and just be with your baby. Try a babymoon where you take to your bed and eat, sleep and feed.

I'm not trying to convince you not to switch to bottles as only you know how you're feeling at the end of the day. But if you do want to keep breastfeeding then get the help and support that you deserve.

Please phone a breastfeeding counsellor. They are trained to support you in whatever discision you make.

Emmie412- how are things going now?

Got up the other night to feed her at midnight, absolutely exhausted. Couldn't position her, she wasn't latching on properly and found myself being really angry, frustrated and handling her a bit rougher than usual... not hurting her in any way but still. Went to bed absolutely disgusted with myself and thought, no more... this is not what she deserves. Breast milk may be good but not at this price.

So we're in day two of formula plus some expressed milk (aiming to express 3 times a day). I have felt happier now, definitely calmer but still can't sleep as now I am convinced that formula is out to kill her... She is a noisy sleeper, always has been but now I am awake thinking maybe it is the formula that does not suit her... although nothing has really changed. Try to keep on thinking that I could have gotten ill and my milk supply could have dried up, or she could have been an adopted baby etc - basically that bottle feeding isn't as awful as it is made out to be... ah, the guilt...

Hi Emmie,
Glad to hear that you're feeling happier and calmer. Breastfeeding isn't easy, but it shouldn't make you depressed and it sounded as if this was what was happening. At least you're managing to express and you've given your baby the colustrum too.
There is a big pressure on women to bf and whilst you know that you've made the right decision for you and your baby at this time, I understand the guilt. I don't think the guilt ever goes away tbh.
As mothers it's just an emotion we feel quite alot as our children grow up. But don't be too hard on yourself eh!

Emmie

I am a breastfeeding counsellor with NCT and we are also available to talk about the feelings mothers experience when they have switched to formula ... please feel you can call the line, or any of the bf helplines, who will listen, be non-judgemental, and cover whatever options you want to discuss, inc going back to bf, without any pressure.

You can find the NCT lines here www.nct.org.uk/home - there is also a postnatal line which might be suitable for you, too.

Feeding - however it's done - is part of the relationship you have with your baby and when it doesn't go well, or is unfullfilling/unsatisfying/troublesome in whatever way, it is bound to create stress and tears. Mothers who are already anxious may find their anxiety focusses on feeding, and the whole thing becomes a vicious circle.

Finding a way out of this may mean fixing the feeding so it is better, or it may mean talking though other anxieties - or simply getting better support, help and sleep. I hope you find the right solution for you.

Thank you for your help and for not being judgemental. I still have feelings of anxiety/guilt/stress at times and have been see to a counsellor but already feel that quite a lot has been resolved by bottles in terms of my stress. Now it is lovely to feed her, she is gazing into my eyes and guzzling away. I've also made the effort of going out to postnatal groups and arranging to meet up with friends socially even when tired - previously I felt I was stuck in the house.

How can I encourage milk production so that I can keep on expressing for her so that she gets some breast milk as long as I can manage? I'd like to manage a few more weeks but expressing during the night is not much of an option (10/11pm is manageable) and in a day I can manage maybe 3 x 30 min sessions, 15mins per breast. Will this keep up my milk production long enough or will it stop? I currently manage to express 120ml per go, sometimes a little more, sometimes a little less. How soon would it change?

Glad things are looking brighter for you and that you have found some support and help in friends and groups.

Regarding the expressing- you'd probably need to speak to the nct helpline for the details (or see if Tiktok pops up) but what you're doing sounds good. I know fenugreek can boost breast milk supply (herbal rememdy available from health food shops).

It sounds like you're enjoying your precious LO now which is just great.

Good luck with everything

Emmie - great idea to meet other people

3 x 30 min expressing will maintain a milk production for a limited time - you'll probably see that you get less and less on each occasion as time goes on, but people do manage to keep up some. The speed at which it changes varies a lot.

Typically, even this infrequency of expressing starts to dwindle, because expressing is a chore and there are a million other things needed with a new baby - finding this time 3 x in the day every day is really difficult. So it's important to be realistic about this, I think - if you want to do it, you will have to make time and this needs some planning.

Good luck and hope things get better for you!

I'm quite realistic that the production will dwindle and can come to terms with it - my other half is the one quite adamant of 3 months of breast milk whereas I'm quite ok with having managed a month and prefer being happy with my baby to breastfeeding. Whether I will regret my decision or be made feel guilty about it later on is another thing. It'd be nice if I had his full support but I guess I will simply have to deal with him when the time comes and hope I'll be strong enough. If there are complications from formula then I will simply have to live with the guilt. Sigh.