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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

Away from home and feel crap

12 replies

hirsty79 · 12/02/2010 14:57

My 9 week old DD and I are staying with my dad and his wife for a few days while my DH and FIL move house for us.

DD is in no kind of routine. Won't sleep during the day unless in pram/car and cluster feeds at night before bed. She also cries a lot, more due to tiredness I think rather than hunger.

I can't get her to sleep without feeding, which means I feed her pretty much all day and for 2-3 hours before bed. If she is not being fed, she cries and then starts screaming.

My dad keeps saying "she's got a good pair of lungs on her" or "give her a dummy" (i.e. do something to shut her up) and his wife keeps telling me to go out so they can look after her and give her a bottle.

They are both being lovely and only trying to help but I feel crap. I feel like DD should be going for longer between feeds and I should be able to get her to sleep by now. Feel like a total crap mum and is really hard being away from DH and own house/routine. Have been feeding in bedroom as it makes dad uncomfortable. Also DD has a crap latch so it takes me ages to get her on. Know everyone is thinking, stop being stubborn and give that baby a bottle.

Will get worse on Sunday as my bro is coming for dinner with his 3 bottlefed girls. Still have cracked nipple on right side and without DH's support think I might end up caving in and FF.

OP posts:

arolf · 12/02/2010 16:02

poor you
my ds is 20 weeks tomorrow, and only recently started going longer than 3 hrs between feeds. as for routine, ha! we have a very loose routine, but that's all - for the 1st 13 weeks we had no routine. actually, that's not true - we tried a aroutine, which DS ignored.

it's crap you have no support from your dad and other family. remember (although it's hard to in the middle of it) it's their problem, not yours.

you're not a crap mum by wanting to do your best for your child - keep telling yourself that - and post on here for more support!

ChairmumMiaow · 12/02/2010 16:06

Is there anything they can do that might help you? I would imagine they don't understand the reality of breastfeeding, and you need to explain that this is what you want to do and even though its hard, you're fine with that. I expect they want to help but because they're not used to breastfeeding they're not sure how.

Hope you survive (DS is grabbing me shouting "mummy up, mummy floor" so I will play puzzles with him)

BertieBotts · 12/02/2010 16:28

Oh you poor thing - that sounds really stressful.

Have you got some lansinoh for your cracked nipples? Is there anyone you can call (DH or a good female friend) for a moan and maybe a cry? Do you think that your Dad and stepmum would respond well if you talked to them and said "Look, this breastfeeding is really important to me and I am finding your comments quite upsetting, actually. What would help me is if you could do X, Y, Z" - give them some suggestions, e.g. take LO out for a walk to give you a break, give LO a bath, do some washing for you, pop out for some Lansinoh and chocolate, bring you a glass of water, just give you a hug! Try to focus on breastfeeding being important to you rather than it being about the baby's health if all your family FF because that can make people defensive and leave them wondering why you are bothering.

BosomsByTheSea · 12/02/2010 19:25

I had a similar thind when away from home. My DTs now 21 weeks and still don't nap reliably or go for more than about 2 1/2 hrs between feeds.

Hang in there, look after yourself, sleep whenever you can. Eat cake. Soon you will be snuggled up feeding DD in your lovely new house and things will be back to normal.

zippyzapper · 12/02/2010 20:24

Just wanted to add - to others - hang in there - don't give up breastfeeding - just get through feed by feed!

It is really hard going feeding if others don't support you.

Lots of hugs

HumphreyCobbler · 12/02/2010 20:35

This is what is wrong with the perception of mothering in this society.

You are a caring and concerned mother who is meeting you baby's needs even though it is hard work and means constant feeding.

Yet you are made to feel a failure as your baby isn't in a 'routine'. This is SO WRONG.

Please feel proud that you are doing such a good job.

Also, I found using jelonet on my cracked nipple was the only thing that worked. It is important not to let the crack dry out and it will then crack deeper when the baby latches on. Keep it moist with the jelonet and it will soon heal.

Beveridge · 12/02/2010 22:12

Couldn't read and not post....

As I recall (it all seems a bit of a blur!)around 9 weeks I was feeling like DD would never stop feeding and would never develop any sort of routine.Other bf babies I knew of at the time seemed to do a textbook 3 hours between feeds and I was worried it would never happen for us. (Plus DD was vomitting huge amounts and the HV wanted me to stuff her full of gaviscon but that's another story!)

However, within a few weeks of that we were feeding every 2 - 2 and a half hours and there was some discernible routine! It just took a while to develop so hang in there, I thought I'd be trapped on my sofa forever, now happily bfing DD at 8 months and planning to keep going for much longer.

It must be really difficult for you as things are, especially as you have people around you who don't seem to understand bf. Are you co-sleeping? That helped me a lot, i look back at my poor self sitting at the edge of the bed feeding at 1am,3am 5am and 7am and think what was I doing upright, when I could have been at least lying down, if not dozing!

Hang on in there, there's no guarantee that your baby would magically live by the clock even if they were FF(and then you'd have to 'do' bottles, which is time consuming too). Get the others to pitch in and do other non-bf things that can free you up to feed. And get some support, maybe call La Leche League and see if there;s a group near where you are?

Original poster

hirsty79 · 12/02/2010 22:30

Thanks for your support ladies - I feel much better now. Just need to get myself prepared for visit to MIL tomorrow (she bf though so might get more support there). We live 160 miles away so there is lots of pressure on me to see family while we are here.

I don't co-sleep but I do feed DD lying in bed during the night. I was going to ask for some advice as how you go about switching sides? So far, I have only fed on my left side as feeding on the right side resulted in the cracks (crap positioning due to being knackered and not caring!) Feel more confident now though - just not sure how you switch.

OP posts:

zippyzapper · 12/02/2010 23:30

Hirsty -I had sore cracked nipples for 13 weeks on one side - so I have only had a week without the pain - and it is so liberating = my cracks took a long time to heal. Lanisosh cream was my saviour. It is so true that you should try not to let the cracks dry.

What helped for me is that I would feed lying down and would get dh to try check on me - so he would take the bub from me to the moses basket and he would also pass the bub to me - that is how knackered I was I could not even lift the baby - so in a way he helped make sure I got a good position.

However, through out I kept feeding on both sides - although I favoured the one that was good and dreaded the cracked side! I even had to take some painkillers while feeding.

So I am sure that others will give better advice but switching but I so agree with Beveridge - for me it got more manageable at 12 weeks and it did click into place, I also just gave in completely to feeding at times and seemed to do nothing else - I still have spurts like that but I am really glad I kept going.

Breastfeeding cafes were a saviour too.

It must be hard visiting and trying to feed a 9 week old baby - you are doing a fantastic job and it is great you are so determined to continue to bf.

theboobmeister · 12/02/2010 23:38

I could never work out how to switch sides in the night either. Eventually a BF counsellor told me how and of course it seemed completely bleeding obvious. Not sure if this is going to make sense without the actions but here goes

Basically you roll towards her a little bit more, so that the boob she was feeding off is now nearly underneath you, and the other boob (the one nearest the ceiling!) is now close enough to shove in. Keep yourself steady with your arm outstretched round the top of her head.

er ... that make sense?

BertieBotts · 13/02/2010 05:44

Yes you kind of roll over so the "top" boob is dangling at them

If that is too hard though I used to just hold DS on my chest/tummy and roll over and feed him facing the other way, before I worked out the rolling towards baby thing.

Jacksmama · 13/02/2010 07:12

I did the "hold DS on my tummy and roll over" thing too. Couldn't get he hang of switching to the "top breast" thing at all, I don't think they were stretched out enough yet at the time . The roll-over thing worked well.

Good luck, hang in there, you're doing a brilliant job, it does seem never-ending at 9 weeks, doesn't it?

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